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A young newlywed couple finally makes it back to the honeymoon suite.

As they started to undress, the groom takes off his socks and the bride sees these huge gnarly growths on the groom's toes. She asks him what they were.
Groom says "When I was little I had a case of tolio." Bride says, "Don't you mean polio?". "Nope, tolio" he replied.

Then he takes off ...

Just purchased a hazmat suite.

Now I’m ready for that next toxic relationship.

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[NSFW] The bride and groom were delighted to be finally alone in their honeymoon suite.

Blushing, the bride asked her new husband, "Johnny, now that we're married, could you tell me what a penis is?"

 

Pleased to discover his wife was a virgin, he took out his penis and showed it to her.

 

"Oh," she said, "it's just like a dick, only smalle...

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Honeymoon suite

An elderly couple returns to their original Honeymoon Suite fifty years after their wedding night.

The old man stands soaking in the view over the bay as his wife settles into a skimpy nightgown.

From behind, the old man hears his wife ask, “Do you remember what you said to me in thi...

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.

As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."

She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can’t wear your pants," she said.

"That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you f...

I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs.

I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.

A newlywed couple has just retired to their honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage

As they undress, the groom hands his pants to the bride and says, "here, put these on."

The bride pulls them on and says, "honey, I can't wear these pants, they're too big."

The groom replies, "that's right. I wear the pants in this relationship."

The bride then picks up her lac...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

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Superman is patrolling the skies of Metropolis, but then sees Wonder Woman completely naked in a penthouse suite lying on a bed...

Superman: "Hmm, if I can fly faster than the speed of light, I can probably have sex with her so fast she won't even know what happened!"

So Superman flies in, does the deed, and flies away with a big smile.

Meanwhile in the suite...
Wonder Woman: "What the fuck was that?"
The I...

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A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."

This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"

The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm...

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Two guys were at a party at a penthouse suite, enjoying the drinks.

One looks to the other and says "You know what? From way up here, the winds are so strong that if you jump off the building you'll just be blown back!"

The other guy considers that, but after another drink he says "Bullshit!"

"No, no! I'll prove it!" So with everyone watching, he jumps...

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A man and a woman were in the honeymoon suite after their wedding.

The man had started reading an incredible book a few days before the wedding, so instead of having sex, he was intent on reading.

Understandably unhappy, his new wife decided that she would go to sleep with the expectation of having sex in the morning.

After drifting off to sleep, the ...

Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn't change them back?

They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as "comfortable".

[Long] An email from the AFTERLIFE

A Canadian couple needed a vacation in a warm climate at the end of a very cold winter. They booked a suite at an exclusive, Arizona desert resort. Because of a last minute business meeting, the wife had to leave a day later than her husband. After an early flight and then checking in at the resort,...

A couple of elders pass away together.

They meet in Paradise. They have a nice three rooms suite in a beautiful hotel with a cute view on the lake.

She has miles and miles of shops with women stuff and befriends a few fine ladies to hang out with.

He goes to a pub, meets nice men to play card with. Beer is fresh and a coupl...

Wedding Night Bliss

Zoe and her newlywed husband, Mike, couldn’t wait for their first night. After a romantic dinner, they retire to the honeymoon suite. As they’re undressing, Zoe shyly says “Just so you know, I’m pretty flat around the chest” “Not to worry, my love” says Mike, “I’m built like a baby down there.” Fina...

No place like home...

Tom had lived in New York City for 30 years now. As he looked out the window of his office suite, he realized it was Christmas Eve.

He had been so absorbed with the company business and without a family of his own, had really not been paying attention to the holidays. As he stared at t...

The Hairdresser

A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Ro...

A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman...

They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy. After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says "Honey, I'm tired after all this excitement. I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning." She say ok, and off he goes to bed, whil...

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

my son came home with a free sofa and armchair today,

I've told him before never to take suites from a stranger.

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Redneck Wedding

After the ceremony the new couple arrive at their honeymoon suite at the Motel 6 and the new bride says ‘you will be careful won’t you?’

The young hubby is a bit confused and asks ‘Why?’

She explains that she is still a virgin

He throws his stuff back into his suitcase and storm...

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Wife dies due to misunderstanding

Jim had met the woman of his dreams, a beautiful woman from India. After a brief courtship they got married. As Jim was old fashioned they had intercourse for the first time in their wedding night.
Jim was understandably excited to be with his beautiful wife for the first time and was anxious ...

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Fruit Basket

A man takes his girlfriend on a weekend getaway to a beach resort. They check in and the concierge takes them up to show them their lavish suite. He points out the huge fruit basket filled with goodies as they enter, The suite has great views of the ocean, a jacuzzi etc etc... They tip the concierge...

Pants

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.

"Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, "Here, try these on."

So, she did and said: "These ar...

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A middle aged man and woman......

......meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.

On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."

The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times...

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What happens in Vegas...

A perpetual gambler had a rare turn of luck and hit a 500k jackpot. The casino, determined to get their money back, comped him one of their best luxury suites. Lonely, he was seeking some lady company for the evening. He called down to the concierge’s desk and requested the best looking call girl in...

Arnold Schwarzenegger woke up this morning with a sore head and a bad back...

... he put on his dressing gown and slippers, opened the door to his en suite shower and let out a sigh.

“Why is my shoauwer still broken?” He exclaimed. “The plumber was supposed to hef come last week.”

He made his way to the kitchen to fix himself some food. Opening the fridge, a put...

It was my very first day...

Fresh out of college and excited to begin my new career. My name plate, golden, shiny, and positioned perfectly on new desk, "Patricia Mack, Loan Officer"

As I sat at my desk waiting for my first-ever customer, an old man walked in with a Labrador Retriever by his side. The man sauntered up t...

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed ...

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy..

but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her way too much.


”I too have a problem. My penis is the sa...

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A man and a woman are getting married

Coming from very conservative families, they had been completely chaste, never having even seen each other naked.

The day before their wedding, the woman comes up to her fiancé and says "Honey, I've got something to tell you. I've been stuffing my bra, I'm actually very flat chested" and the ...

Derek, David, and Danny went out for a wild night on the town.

When they got back to the hotel, they found out that the elevator was out of service and that they were going to have to walk up 150 flights of stairs to reach their penthouse suite.

To pass the time, they decided Derek would tell jokes for the first 50 flights, David would tell happy storie...

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A woman was getting married to a virgin

A woman was getting married to a virgin, but she wasn’t one herself. She went to her friend and explained the situation, saying that her soon-to-be husband thinks that she is a virgin. Her friend offered up some advice. “Slip a small rubber band as far up your thigh as possible, right as you start,...

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is...

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Three guys go to a convention

And they all want to chip in to get a luxury suite on the 75th floor and they do so they have a great day at the convention and get back to the hotel and realize that the elevator is broken so they would have to walk up 75 flights of stairs so the one guy says"OK I got an idea for the first 25 floor...

The Kings English

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don...

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Why do churches hate geometry?

Editted and deleted by Power Delete Suite. Get that shit over here:
https://nl.reddit.com/r/PowerDeleteSuite/

75 story hotel

Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a 75 story hotel. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.

Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of th...

What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room

Oh suite!

This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy.

Little Johnny, please use the word "horticulture" in a sentence.

Power Delete Suite v1.4.7

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There are three men standing at the gates of heaven

Each of them must describe the way they died before entering.
The first man says, "Well, I had a suspicion that my wife might be cheating on me, so I came home early to our apartment to catch them in the act. At first, I'm walking around and I don't see anything. However, when I walk over to the ...

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Zambian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.

To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to...

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3 guys are driving across the country

Their car breaks down just down the road from a farm. The guys decide to walk over to the farm to see if there is anyone who can help. A nice middle aged man greets them at the porch, offers them a tow with the tractor and takes a look at the car.

" Now I reckon it will be a while before thi...

One afternoon a man was out playing golf...

He is about to hit a difficult lie next to a pond. suddenly he hear "ribbit, 4 iron". He is alone, so has no clue who is talking. again "ribbit, 4 iron" He looks around and sees a frog looking at him. "ribbit, 4 iron" He says "well I think you are wrong, but what the hell. and hits the 4 iron...

After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel.

He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the d...

Where did the Southern gentleman have his drink sent to?

Suite T.

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My Italian Grandfather's Trip to Italy

Let me tell you a story about my Italian grandfather and a trip he took to visit his hometown in Malta. It's easier to understand if you remember he has a thick Italian accent, which I'll try to type phonetically.

"So one-a day I'm-a decide I go back to visit my hometown-a Malta. I get on de ...

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[Long]A man is having terrible headaches

So a man is having terrible headaches. These have been going on for years –and they just keep getting worse. When the headaches strike the poor man can’t work, he can’t sleep, he can’t bare light or sounds or even touch. The poor guy sees doctor after doctor and tries every therapy from yoga to pres...

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Bob goes to Vegas

Bob went to Las Vegas and won big, really big. When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms; This is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what you have won. After winning half a million dollars at roulette, the casino gives Bob a ...

Why did the kaiju eat almost an entire hotel, except for the top three floors?

His doctor told him to cut down on suites.

A politician dies and goes to heaven...

He is greeted by St. Peter who tells him there is a new system in the afterlife. You can spend one day in heaven and one day in hell, and afterwords you can decide where you want to spend eternity.

The politician say, "ok, let's try this out."

So he spends the day in heaven, praying ...

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So a guy is standing there, explaining his story to another guy....

And he starts off "Yeah, so listen, it was crazy right? I got laid off from my job, and when I got home, my wife had taken all my stuff and moved out. She left some note, said she was done with me. What could I do? So I'm sitting there in my empty house, realizing my life has come down around me, an...

the golf course frog

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

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The Gorilla Whisperer

So one day, Bob was at the Zoo checking out the animals. While he was reading the sign on the Gorilla cage, he noticed some movement out of the corner oh his eye, and notice an Ape staring at him, and mimicking his movements.

So Bob decided to have a little fun, and started to dance a little...

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A couple goes on vacation for their 60th wedding anniversary....

They decide to go to the same island and stay at the same hotel as their honeymoon 60 years earlier.

After checking in and a nice, romantic dinner, they go back to their suite, just like on the honeymoon.

The Wife goes into the bathroom and slips on the same lingerie as their first n...

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Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride,...

A young potato's night out

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his...

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The wedding night

A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to sex to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful...

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A marine, army ranger and navy seal are all on a plane.

The pilot radios in that the plane is experiencing uncharted turbulence. He advises the men to gather their survival gear and prepare for a crash landing. All three servicemen look at each other and decide jumping from the plane would be a better option than going down with it. They all parachute ou...

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"The Virgin"

This is a Hungarian joke. Man marries the woman, and after the wedding the get ready in the honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage. The man wants to be really tactful and graduate so as not to freak out the young bride. He pulls down his pants and points at his organ: "And this, my dear, is ca...

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Two leprechauns win the lottery.

Two leprechauns win the lottery and decide to go on holiday to London and party their winnings away. They check in to the most expensive suite in the most expensive hotel in town. This suite is that posh that it has 2 double bedrooms joined by a connecting door. After relaxing a while they head down...

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You're going to need more of that confidence now.

A rich CEO flies his private jet across the country to get an appointment with the best gynecologist in the business.

"Doctor," he says, "I'm not happy with the state of my sex life, and I want to you to castrate me today."

The doctor is shocked and asks, "Oh my... Okay, have you thoug...

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Two jews on their honeymoon

are in the honeymoon suite, having practiced abstinence, they really aren't sure what to do. So the groom calls his mom and says, "Mom we're in the honey moon suite what are we supposed to do?" she replies, "Get under the covers boobsies, kiss, cuddle, it'll happen", so they give it a shot and it re...

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

The Pope Goes to America

The Pope leaves Vatican City for an official trip to America.

After his flight lands, he is ushered off the plane by the pilot, who says to him "Welcome to America, Elvis. I bet you're glad to be home". To which the Pope replies, "Oh, my son, I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. I am the Holy One."...

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A country boy goes to Las Vegas, hits it big at the tables, and meets a gorgeous woman at a ritzy casino.

She's his dream girl, with long red hair, flawless hourglass figure, a stunning smile and intense blue eyes.

She sees him checking her out, and just as he's about to come over and introduce himself, she saunters over and says, "Hey, handsome. Do you like what you see?"

He nods. "Yes, ...

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It's like a baby down there...

A young virginal couple are in their honeymoon suite, nervous about their first encounter. The husband the more nervous of the two says: "Honey, um I need to tell you, well it's like a baby down there." The new blushing bride consoles her new husband with assurances that everything will be fine, th...

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