UPJOKE
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Spectrum Jokes

Many top scientists are on the autism spectrum..

And that means that autism causes vaccines.

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What do you call the extremes in the political spectrum?

Political Rectums

Example sentence: It’s impossible to have a civilized discussion with Tim, he is too far right/left up in the Political Rectum.

I am so far on the spectrum...

...they call me visible light.

My college girlfriend had never slept with a guy on the spectrum before she dated me.

So I guess I took her neurodiverginity.

Why does Trump not believe in the color spectrum?

It's all fake hues.

After extensive research, I've concluded that unvaccinated children will have a higher chance of not being on the Autistic Spectrum

Instead, they have a considerable higher chance of being dead...

With Biden declared the winner, regardless of what side of the political spectrum you’re on, I think we can all safely say...

Thanks, Obama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.

On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.

What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm?

Magento

I don't know why my painting career never took off

Doctors always told me I was on the artistic spectrum.

What trait do autistic people and leprechauns share?

They're both on the spectrum

My friends keep telling me I’m on the autism spectrum...

...I can never tell if they’re joking or not.

What makes a rainbow so special?

It’s on the spectrum

I didn't think I was any good at drawing until my parents took me to see the doctor

Anyone else on the artistic spectrum?

What should you give the man who has everything?

Broad spectrum antibiotics.

We optical engineers are often called "narrow-focused" and "myopic".

But, when viewed through the right lens, we represent a diverse spectrum of light-hearted people.

Did you hear about the autistic guitar pick?

He’s a plectrum on the spectrum.

A woman asks her husband...

about the electromagnetic spectrum so that she may help her son with his homework. She asks, "sweetheart, what comes after visible light again?" The father answers, "Ultraviolet, darling."

Bubba

Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!”

His boss doesn't believe him, so he says “No you do not know everyone in the whole world.”

Bubba says “Yes I do!”

Bubba's boss says “Well prove it!”

Bubba says...

I think that ultra-violet light might have Asperger's.

Its definitely on the spectrum.

My doctor just told me I was insane

But if I'm in-sane, it means that I'm "in" the "sane" spectrum. So I'm ok right?

My mental health is like a rainbow

All over the spectrum

What do Autism Speaks and colorblind people have in common?

They both badly portray a spectrum.

What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

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My Favorite Joke which I’ll tell and then explain why I love it.

A sheep herder has.a new girlfriend. They’re lying in bed after a night of intimacy and engaged in pillow talk.

The gal says, “So before me, how experienced were you?”

The sheep herder starts counting and falls asleep.

————————————————————————————

Three Reasons I love thi...

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Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

Orchestra Joke

The orchestra one evening was playing a song that was noted for being on the lower side of the musical spectrum.

As they played through the night, the conductor would on occasion shoot an angry glare at one of the musicians.

After a few of these glares, the musician leans over to his ...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stacey

Her name was Stacey.

One day I asked Stacey out on a date.

She turned me down.

You see I used to have a stutter, and she thought that it was annoying.

I was like: “Okay, whatever b-b-b-bitch.”

I didn’t see her again for two years.

I was walking on the street...

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