This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old Town Road is a new type of song: a combination of country and rap.

I call it: Crap

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

TIL College football is actually a combination of two American pastimes

Coercive land grabbing, and exploiting unpaid black labor

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just patented my new combination aphrodisiac and stool softener!

SexLax: "Easy come, easy go!"

Wow! A sort-by-new gold! I'm honoured!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m going to open a combination brothel/snack shop

I’ll name it Whore D’oeuvres

I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course

I thought it was a good idea, but the reviews said the experience was sub-par

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of...

A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

Someone keeps taking my task manager combination keys off my keyboards.

I’ve lost all control, and I have no alternative but to delete this horrible joke.

TIL the word "Muppet" is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet".

It's like how the word "mobster" is a combination of "man" and "lobster".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After years of being plagued by extreme headaches,

*Disclaimer: English isn't my main language, there might be some mistakes here and there*

Jim finally went to see a doctor. After a lot of researching, the doctor said: "I have good news, but I also have bad news."

The good news is that I have found a cure for your extreme headac...

Instead of calling it them locker combinations....

We should call the locker permutations.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Secret combination of ingredients for homemade Viagra discovered

Add 2 parts MiracleGro to 1 part Fix-A-Flat

In Jamaica...

...you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and ...

I'm starting a combination Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand..

It will be called Froyo Information.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On set, Bruce Willis suddenly feel a strong pain coming from his heart.

Without a doubt, the director cuts the scene and Bruce is rushed to the ER. Since the movie studio doesn't want to endanger their movie star they tell the hospital staff to spare no expenses and after multiple tests and scans a doctor walks into the room where Bruce is laying. He tells Bruce he has ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An artist is commissioned to paint a mural in the newly built city hall.

The city council has decided the mural must be an important scene from American history. The artist accepts the deal with one condition.

No one can see the piece before it is completed.

Begrudgingly, the town council accepts, a contract is signed, and the artist begins work behind a m...

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walked into a bar and saw a beautiful woman.

He sat down next to her and said “Hello there, what‘s your name”. She replied “Carmen, it’s my own name. I gave it to myself, it’s a combination of my two favourite things in life, cars and men.” The man replied “Well in that case it’s a pleasure to meet you Carmen, I’m B.J Titsandarse”

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body in combination with smoking and staying out
late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving such a lecture at this time of
night?"

The man replies, "That would be my...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

A boy is meeting his girlfriend's posh parents...

GF's uppity mom: So Tom, what do your parents do ?

Tom: They are in the iron and steal business.

Mom: Oh that's an interesting combination for a business.. What do they do exactly?

Tom: Yeah, my mom irons and my father steals.

(As heard in The House on the Left, 1972)

A man's wife goes into labor

After hours in labor she finally gives birth to a boy who was born with nothing from the neck down but is otherwise healthy.

Regardless, the father still treats him like a regular boy. They play catch together and watch TV together. He teaches the boy about cars and how to treat women and he ...

What's an international gathering of Volkswagen vans called?

A combination

Found this in an old email from my grandpa.

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her
grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one
and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,
"Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anythin...

Hiring Process

HR staff: " Sir, we found 3 candidates that meet our general requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

HR Director : "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analy...

Some of the worst case scenarios:

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend told me she wanted to have safe sex

Now I just have to figure out the right combination

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You're lucky it wasn't the black horse!

About a month ago I was driving to my mothers house late on a Friday evening. It was pitch black, so I had the lights on high beam, and I was driving along a country road when all of a sudden my engine cut out. So I pulled over and got out to have a look - sometimes I can fix it myself. It was very ...

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] My buddy and I were out fishing, when suddenly our boat sank

We both drowned, and I woke up in hell. I see a giant creature slowly walking towards me, when I realize it's the devil himself.

"Welcome to hell!" he yells at me, while guiding me along a long corridor.

"What the hell Satan, why did I end up down here?!" I yelled at him.

"I've...

A true story from Warren Buffett

One day Mr. Buffett invited a jeweler over to show some jewels to his other friends during a vacation, but was worried about the security of the hotel.

“See that safe?” the jeweler said. “This afternoon we changed the combination and now even the hotel management doesn’t know what it is.” War...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my dad, "What's the best way to form a joke?"

He explained, "Well, first, I have to come up with the right combination of words".

"Got it, then what?" I asked

"If I carefully put them together in a particular order, your mum will have sex with me and nine months later a joke pops out!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Her name was Carmen...

Carmen is invited to a party, and decides to go solo. Once there, she quickly discovers she doesn't know anyone, and moves to the bar to grab a drink. Scoping out the partiers in the hopes of finding someone she knows, she spots a good looking young man in the corner, also all alone. She approach...

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Billy goes to spend the weekend with Jane, his cousin...

On her house, she tells him he will sleep on the bottom bunk bed, because she liked the top.

During the night, believing that Billy is asleep, Jane goes to the front door to let her boyfriend in. Her boyfriend goes to the bedroom and climbs the bunk with her. Jane warns her boyfriend that Bil...

Trump and Obama - oldie but goldie

It's time for Obama to step down. As a final duty Obama gives Trump the combination to the office safe and tells him, "There are three envelopes in there labelled "1", "2", and "3". If you end up in trouble, open envelope "1". He says his goodbyes and rides off into the sunset.

A couple of we...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A True Story- the Saga of Tyrone

Tyrone is a young man who stands about five foot four, and may weigh 90 pounds. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in mouth. Tyrone has the unfortunate combination of a big mouth, and gullible nature, so when he was thrown in jail for re-victimizing the same young girl, he started asking aroun...

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.


The Engineer says “We need to open the cans with these rocks”


The Chemist says “We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I’ve found”


The Economist says “Ok, so let’s assume we have a c...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The double flavored apple store

A man just moved to a new town from far away, and one day decides to take a walk around to get to know the area.

While walking down the street and checking out all the stores along the way, he notices one that seemed unusual. The sign above read "Jerry's Double Flavored Apples." Curious, the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They should have left him alone (Long)

Jason, a young guy in his mid-late teens, had recently been doing a bit of… sexual exploration and discovery. As is often the case in young adolescents. However, Jason was from a devoutly religious family, and as such it was very much a taboo subject. At first it was simply from the magazines his mo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rich man and poor man are at a bar.

A rich man and poor man are at a bar, the rich man turns to the poor man, 'it's my 10 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday.'

The poor man looks astonished, 'it's my 20 year wedding anniversary on Thursday! What are you planning on getting her?'

The rich man goes, 'I'm getting her a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't have "safe sex" ...

... because I have never been turned on by anything with a combination lock.

A joke that is too long and doesn't have a punchline walks into a bar.

He looked a bit gloomy. The bartender decides not to comment on this at first and just asks: "What can I get you?" The joke replies: "A beer please" - "ok, coming up". The bartender proceeds to take a glass out of the shelf and pours the joke a nice and cold beer. "Here you go". - "Thanks".

A...

Motorist help. (Long)

A man is standing on a Texas roadside with his broken VW Beetle.

A man in a Lamborghini pulls over and offers to help him. The Beetle owner agrees, and the guy from the Lambo tells him to flash his high beams if they are going too fast.

So they go. At some point, the Lambo+Beetle comb...

A research group was engaged in a study..

A research group was engaged in a study of longevity in mammals and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja Mexico. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, thi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW Christmas Joke

A rich man and a poor man are sitting next to each other in a local barber shop. The poor man asks the rich man, "what did you get your wife for Christmas?" The rich man replies "I got her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes." The poor man asks "is there a reason you got her both the necklace and the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As a man was driving down an interstate

he saw a sign that said, "All Flavored Peaches 10 miles." The man didn't think too much of the sign since he was in such a hurry.

A little further down the road he saw another sign that said, "All Flavored Peaches 5 Miles." Well this time it caught the mans eye, he was getting a little hungry...

What's the smartest pizza?

Combination with Nobel peppers.

A dystopian future

Mr. and Mrs. Thyme are two people living in a dystopian future where babies are assigned a random combination of letters and numbers for a name, such as DL-6 or UR-1. However, due to a large amount of protesters, the law has been changed so that parents can choose their own name if they run to the c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two good friends' wives have the same birthday.

One of the friends is a rich man, the other is poor. One year they get together on their wives' birthday and the poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife. The rich man says

"i got her a mercedes and a diamond ring. If she doesnt like the ring, she can drive to the jewlers in the merce...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this one time I was on a bus with my girlfriend...

..and she started getting frisky. She offers to give me head and I (of course) oblige her. She immediately drops to the floor and starts going to town, but shortly after she starts - we hit a bump and I blow my load into the back of her throat. At this point, she starts to choke and then proceeds to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Boxers

Two boxer friends, a lightweight and a heavyweight, meet up for lunch. After a short small talk the heavyweight reveals to his friend that his wife cheated on him.
"Can you believe it? I walked home to see them having sex on my own couch!"
"So what did you do?" asks his friend.
"I ran up, ...

Did you hear the Russians tried to invent a new sport?

They had such success with [chessboxing](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chessboxing), where you box one round then play a game of chess, they tried to created another combination sport called baseball poetry. You play an inning of baseball, then compose one poem.

"Ve vere not so gut at it ven v...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three legged pig (long)

A traveling salesman was walking along a country road one day, his car having broken down, and he happened to come across a rather unique farmhouse. As he neared it he noticed that the pigpen of this farm was a bit different from most. In fact, it was palatial.

The mud was of the highest qua...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bar on the top floor of a hotel

A man walks into the bar on the top floor of a large hotel building. He's minding his own business, when he sees another fellow across the bar pound a shot, and jump right out the window!

Moments later, the other man appears in the elevator, returns to the bar as if nothing had happened, poun...