A quick and easy way to make money is to sell photographs of salmon dressed up in tuxedoes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

A man walked into a tuxedo store...

A man walked into a tuxedo store, looking to buy a suit for an upcoming party. A saleswoman walked over to assist him.

“Hello sir, how may I help you?” she asked.

“I’m looking for a tuxedo,” he replied.

The saleswoman then brought over a few suits to offer to the man.

“H...

I walked into the sperm bank wearing a Tuxedo and the receptionist looked over at the nurse and said..

Get a load of this guy!

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A man walks into a bar carrying a plastic bag

The Bartender asks, "What's in the bag?" The guy doesn't reply. Instead, reaches into the bag and pulls out a lamp, a tiny stool, a tiny piano, and a tiny man in a tuxedo that appears to only be a foot tall. The guy sets the piano down in front of the stool, and the tiny man sits on it and starts pl...

I could see myself working at a tuxedo store...

It suits me.

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A man was out fishing in his tuxedo...

A curious onlooker stopped and asked him,"Excuse me.I was just wondering why your fishing in a tuxedo?"

The man replied,"I just got married."

"Well, congratulations" He said. "But shouldn't you be in that hotel room banging that new bride."

"Well, normally yeah, but she has AIDS...

The guy at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I told him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

A man walks into a bar

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”
And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants...

What the... that rabbit is wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, he’s probably coming from a hare dresser.

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A man walks into a bar...

Sets down a little piano and matching bench carefully, and a tiny person wearing a tuxedo hops out of his coat pocket, takes a seat and plays the mini piano... the bartender is puzzled.

Another man walks into the bar with an ostrich under one arm and a cat in the other, sets the ostrich on th...

Dude is getting ready for prom night

He thinks to himself; "I'm gonna need to make this night perfect so I can get laid!".

He thinks about what he'll need. "I'll need a perfectly fitted tuxedo so I look good so I can get laid!" So he goes to the tailor and sees an incredibly long line. It's prom day so he's not the only one thin...

Why didn't the tailor make a tuxedo out of plastic?

It wasn't suit-able.

A group wearing tuxedos were sat down in a coffee shop, when a car suddenly smashed through the shop front.

Thankfully there were no casual teas

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn’t need any assistance. The tailor says…

... "Fine. Suit yourself."

A kid asks her crush out to the prom and she says yes. So he really wants to impress

He wants to buy her some nice flowers, rent a tuxedo, and a limo.

So he goes to the flower store and there's a really long flower line. He waits for hours and finally gets to the desk and buys the flowers

He then goes to the tuxedo store and, again, there's a really long tuxedo line. H...

What's the difference between a man wearing pajamas on a bicycle and a guy wearing a tuxedo on a unicycle

Attire

A Chinese spy wearing a tuxedo walks into a Russian bar.

He says to the bartender, “The name is Wong. Li Wong. I’ll have a martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

“Gin or vodka?” Asks the bartender.

“Surprise me.” Replies Li.

The bartender makes the martini, gives it to Li and says, “If you can guess the name of the alcohol, it’s on th...

A boy decides to ask his girlfriend to prom

She accepts, and so he goes to buy them tickets. The line is awful. It stretches out of the office and down the school hallway, but the boy decides to wait. Finally he gets his tickets.
Then he decides he needs a tuxedo for the event. He goes to the rental shop, and every other kid had the same ...

A man is getting ready for prom.

He goes to the store to get a tuxedo, and there’s a long tuxedo line.

Once he gets his tuxedo, he goes to a florist to buy flowers. Again, the line is out the door.

He goes to the limousine rental place and there’s also a line. It takes him forever to get a limousine.

Once he’s...

What do you call a goose in a tuxedo telling the news?

Media Proper Gander

A boy is getting ready for prom

He goes to the tuxedo shop, there's a long line. He goes to the limousine shop, there's a long line. When prom rolls around he goes to get a drink, but there's no punch line.

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

"I feel a bit overdressed."

It's a long one so please bare with me...

Homecoming is coming up soon, and a boy has been meaning to ask his crush to go with him, but has been pushing it back because of fear. He wants to go with her so finally, at the end of the day he builds up the courage to ask her. He approaches her standing in front of her locker and asks her the q...

Apparently Iron Man also did a tuxedo range...

But it wasn't his strong suit

A kid in high school really likes this girl and finally gets the courage to ask her to prom.

To his surprise and delight, she says yes. He wants to make this night very special so he decides to get a tuxedo, a limo, and really nice flowers. First, he goes to the tux rental store and sees there is a line, but he waits and finally gets the perfect fit. Next he goes to the car rental store and...

I make rabbit tuxedos for a living.

I'm a hare-dresser.

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Why did the old black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

'Cause if I gonna be impotent, I better look impotent,too.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While sipping his whiskey he notices a small, gilded box at the end of the bar and inquires about it to the bartender. "You're not quite drunk enough, my friend."

The man thinks it odd but continues to drink. Two more whiskeys later he asks again. "...

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Angela Merkel invites to dinnerparty after G20 summit.

So, true story that has been leaked here in Germany, after the last G20 summit in Hamburg, Merkel invited all the leaders to a dinner party:

Sitting at the table Trump and Putin took a seat next to her, left and right. She notices the federal republic did not spare expenses and served dishes ...

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Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

There once was a boy who had a crush on a girl from his highschool class

When prom came around, he gathered up the courage to ask her to be his date for the prom, and to his luck She said yes.

He had big plans for the night, and wanted everything to be perfect.

So when the time came, he first went to the tuxedo rental place, but when He Got there, there w...

A highschool senior is coming up on his senior prom and really wants the night to go right

Senior Prom is coming up, and Joe really wants to not have any regrets moving forward into adulthood. There's this girl, Sally, that he's been pining over for years, so he girds his loins and asks her to go with him to the event, and lo and behold she says yes.


Now Joe is starstruck, the ...

The Patient Boy

A teenage boy is preparing for prom. First he goes to rent a tuxedo, but there’s a tuxedo line at the tailor's and it takes ages but he's patient finally gets it.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he's ...

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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "If I show you something you've never seen before, can I drink for free?"

The bartender looks skeptical.

"Ive seen a lot of things bud, but sure, lets see what you got."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a very small piano and sets it on the bar. Then he takes out a man, about a foot tall, wearing a very fancy tuxedo and sets him on the bar ...

A guy asked his crush to prom, and to his surprise, she said yes! The day before prom, he gets ready for the exciting day.

First, he goes to the tuxedo store to rent a tux, there was a huge line and he finally got the tux after 30 minutes. Next, he goes to the flower shop to buy a bouquet of flowers. There was an even longer line and he waited for 60 minutes to finally get the flowers. Finally, he went to the car shop t...

I got an invite to a wedding that said “black tie only”...

...But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom....

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.

First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a floris...

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A guy goes to the doctor with a terrible headache

After some research, the doctor has to tell the man the following:



'I have good news and bad news... The good news it that I can relieve you of your headaches...'



Relieved, the man replies, 'Oh, that would be so great, doctor!'



'But the bad news is that I...

Two penguins are standing on an iceberg.

One says to the other, “you look like you’re wearing a tuxedo!”

The penguin responds, “how do you know I’m not?”

A prom date

A guy asks out a girl on a prom date and she accepts, he later realises that he need basic prom stuff. He gos to a flower shop, but because its 2 days before prom, theres a long line, so he waits and waits and waits, and finally gets roses for his prom date. He then realises he needs a tuxedo to loo...

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A young boy asks the girl of his dreams to prom.

She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Just the sight of her turned his stomach into a butterfly exhibit and caused his heart to melt through his chest. She was the sweetest, funniest, and nicest girl he had ever met. She was truly an angel. However, as is the case with most guys when try...

Guy dies in a car crash...

...and goes up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looks his name up in his book and shakes his head.

"What's that mean?" the guy says.

"You gotta go down," Saint Peter says.

The guy gets put on an elevator and takes the ride down to hell. When the doors open, he sees a large, oval...

Was it worth it?

A boy wanted to take his crush to prom. So one day he decided to ask her. He said, “Will you go to prom with me?” But got no response.

He waited and waited and waited...

Until finally she said yes. So he became excited and started preparing. He bought a tuxedo and asked her what dress...

My buddy got a new job

He takes pictures of salmon in tuxedos

He said it’s like shooting fish in apparel

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Prom Night Date

Johnny, a senior in a stereotypical highschool, has a huge crush on a girl named Sally, who is in his 5th period World History.


Johnny wanted to capitalize on the upcoming prom to ask out Sally, so Johnny waited in line for two tickets to prom. Johnny tried to arrive early, but the line w...

A man passes away...

A man passes away and his funeral is set to be held in his hometown where one of his sons lives. The other, a wealthy businessman, unfortunately can't make it to the ceremony so instead he offers to pay for the entire thing. A few months later, the businessman is looking over his finances and notice...

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“Las Bolas del Toro”, a joke my grandfather loves to tell me.

A young man visits Spain on a trip, he hears a ruckus and goes to inspect.

He finds an arena where the bull fighting had just ended, and sees a lot of people filing into a restaurant across the street.

The young man sits down and begins looking at the menu, when suddenly he hears the...

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.

He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours....

A boy is going to buy tickets to prom...

...for him and his girlfriend. The line for the tickets is very long, but he waits it out. He then goes to rent a limousine and again there was a long line and again he waited it out. He needs one more thing, a tuxedo. So he goes to buy one and there's a long line, but he waits this one out too....

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A man walks into a bar with a suitcase..

..and orders a drink. Bored, he opens his suitcase and takes out a piano and sets it on the table. Then he reaches back into the suitcase and takes out a tiny man in a tuxedo. The tiny man immediately starts playing the piano.

The bartender is impressed. He says, " Wow! Thats amazing! Where ...

A couple died in a car crash in the way to their wedding...

A couple dies in a severe car crash on the way to their wedding...

Little did they know they would be arriving in heaven to meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Upon seeing Peter they asked if they could be married in heaven since they were in everlasting love with each other.
...

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Billy really wanted to ask Suzy to the prom but he was so nervous he waited until the day before to ask her...

He walks up to Suzy in the hall and says "Suzy, I know it's the day before, but... Would you go to the prom with me?"
Suzy is surprised, and a little taken back, "I didn't think you were going to ask me. Yes, I would love to go with you!"
"Really?! Oh boy, ok!" And our hero Billy runs off to...

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A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work...

He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks the man if he'd like a little live music. The man says "sure". The bartender snaps his fingers, and out of a little door at the end of the bar comes a little man in a tuxedo who only stands about a foot high. The little man walks ove...

Prom

Prom was approaching at Central High School, and Doug needed a date. He got the nerve up to ask a popular and pretty girl, Susan, to prom. To his surprise, she said "yes." He was so excited, he went to a tuxedo shop that day to secure his rental. There was a very long line, as many other boys were r...

A Guy and his Girlfriend

A guy was taking his girlfriend to prom. Getting ready, he went to a tux rental shop. There was a huge line but he eventually got his tuxedo.

He then went to the florist. Again, there was a huge line, but he got the orchid in the end.

Then he went to the limo rental place, and there w...

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This guy is getting ready for prom

And of coarse he needs all the things you're supposed to have. Ya know tuxedo, corsage, and of course the tickets to get in. So first, he goes to get his tuxedo. When he gets there, there is a pretty long line for that. Seeming this is his first stop, he's not to troubled by it. Then he finally gets...

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Prom Night

Jimmy and Jessica are both seniors in high school, and prom is approaching. They've been dating for two years, and Jimmy wants to make sure that everything goes perfectly for Jessica; he really wants the night to be special and wants to pull out all the stops. Being that prom is only a month away, h...

Me and my buddies go-to joke.

A high school senior is in a rush to get everything he needs ready for his high school prom the next day. First thing he needs to get is a tuxedo. He goes to the tux shop and there's a huge line. So he waits in the line, gets his tux, and goes on his way. The next thing he needs are flowers for his ...

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A group of eels are chilling in the river...

When a full tuxedo comes drifting downstream.

Danny, the leader of the bunch, turns to his three pals.

"Holy shit guys, now's our chance!"

"Yeah!" says Tommy, "Let's get drunk!"

So Tommy threads himself through the pants of the tux in a U shape, forming a nice looking pai...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet . . .

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome a...

A kid works up the nerve to ask his crush to prom...

And first he must buy the tickets. So he heads to the ticket line and waits for about a half hour until he reaches the front and finally buys two tickets for him and his date.

Then he has to buy a tuxedo, so he heads over to the tux shop but due to prom season, it is overflowing with customer...

So this guy is getting ready for prom

and is trying to get up the nerve to ask the cutest girl in school to the dance. After a day or so he finally musters up the courage and asks her and she says yes! He's bouncing with excitement and starts planning to get ready for prom in a few weeks.

Later that week he goes by the local flo...

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An old Simpson's joke.

A man walks into a bar, and sits down on a barstool, placing a small brown bag on the counter next to him. He signals to the bartender and then proceeds to down 3 shots of scotch.

The bartender, being no fool asks, “Hey man what’s wrong?”

Without replying the man slowly reaches over an...

A boy wanted to go to a dance with his girlfriend.

But before that, he needed to get ready. He tried to get a tuxedo, but the line at the store was very long. He eventually got to the front, but they ran out and told him to come back tomorrow.

The next day, he went to the store again. The line was very long again. He got to the front, and th...

A frog hopped into a bank...

...dressed in a tiny tuxedo and approached the desk of first loan officer he saw.

"Good afternoon, madam. I am Francis the frog and I'd like to take out a $5000 loan."

The loan officer sat stunned for a moment then shrugged and smiled, "I'm Patti Black and I'll be happy to assist you. ...

A joke I heard (it sucks but I still can tell it with a straight face)

So a high schooler needs to get ready for prom, he needs a tux to look good, some flowers to impress his girl, and a limo to bring it all together.

So he goes to the tuxedo rental shop and to his surprise there is a huge line. He gets in line and waits for hours and hours. Finally he gets hi...

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Pink Ping Pong Ball

A little boy named Marty was born one day to a wealthy family. On Marty's second birthday, his mom asked Marty what he wanted for his birthday. Marty said, "I want a pink ping pong ball!" Mom was confused why Marty wanted pink ping pong balls but agreed to buy them for her son's sake.

Fast f...

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A disheveled man with a backpack stumbles into a bar,

Pulls up a stool, drops the backpack at his feet, and ushers the bartender over.

“What can I get for you sir?” The bartender polishes a small glass and looks the bedraggled man up and down.

“Hey,” The man ushers him closer conspiratorially, obviously slightly intoxicated. “I want to ma...

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The Magic Lamp

A man walks into a bar looking rather down on his luck. The Bartender asks what's wrong, and the man produces a foot tall gent wearing a tuxedo from his jacket pocket. Before the Bartender can ask, the man proceeds to open his suitcase, and plonks a tiny piano in front of the little man.

The ...

A boy and his girlfriend are going to go to prom together.

Obviously, because it's prom, he needed a tux. There were a lot if people there, so he waited in the tuxedo line, and finally got his tuxedo. But he also wanted the night to be really special, so he wanted to get a limo. Because there were a lot of people going to prom, there were a lit of people ge...

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A millionaire playboy dies, and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter looks at the list of everything he's done in his life, and sends him to Hell.

The playboy re-appears in Hell, but it looks like a huge, fancy cocktail party. All the men are in tuxedos, the women are all beautiful and in tight black dresses, and there are champagne bottles popping ...

The London Philharmonic is getting set up to play Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

Everybody's practicing their parts, except for the bass players - they barely have any notes at all, just at the very beginning and the very end. So they hatch a plan: during the performance, they'll all sneak out and go to the pub for some brews. The lead bassist ties a string to the last page of t...

A man walks out of his office during a thundershower...

and, lo and behold, there's an empty taxi right there! He hops in and remarks to the driver how lucky he is to get a taxi in such weather. The cabbie turns to him and says, "You obviously have perfect timing...just like Sheldon."
"Who?"
"Sheldon Schwartz. Now that guy was a guy who did everyth...

Topograms are words that are derived from a real geographic location, like champagne and sandwich.

Tuxedo is also a topogram, dating from around 1888, the suit is named after Tuxedo Park, a Hudson Valley enclave for New York’s social elite where it was primarily seen in its early years. The area, known for its lavish estates, is too expensive for most people to own a home. Usually they just ren...

It's the day of a highschooler's first prom....

and he's excited to take his sweetheart to the dance.

He goes to the flower shop to get flowers. He expects there to be a lot of people buying flowers, but there's no flower line.

Next he goes to a store that has tuxedos. He expects there to be other kids shopping for tuxes, but there...

Prom

Billy was going to his high school's prom with his girlfriend Sally on Friday night. So Friday morning he goes to pick up his tuxedo, but there's a really long line and he has to wait 45 minutes to get his tuxedo. Then he has to go get some flowers for Sally, but again there's a long line and he has...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a half empty bar and says to the bartender “If I show you something amazing will you give me a free drink?”

“You know bud,” the world-weary bartender says, “I’ve been in this business for a long, long time and it will take something pretty freaking special to impress me but ...

Kids going to prom

So there was kid that was going to prom with his high school girlfriend. They had been together since freshman year. He was captain of the football team; she was head of the cheer squad. So, about a week before senior prom, the kid is getting everything ready. He goes to rent a tuxedo from the tux s...

Penguin Joke

Two penguins are sitting on an ice float.

One says,"It looks like you're wearing a tuxedo."

The other replies, "What makes you think I'm not?"

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