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Suing Jokes

Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

A farmer is in court, suing the trucking company whose truck injured him in an accident

He is on the stand, and the company's lawyer is questioning him, trying to disprove the merit of his claim.
"Mister Brown," the lawyer says, "did you not tell the responding officer, after the crash, that you were -and I quote- fine?"
"Well," says the farmer, "you see, I was driving my mule to...

A guy from Florida was suing American Airlines because an expensive piece of luggage wasn't at baggage claim when he landed in New York

He lost his case

I tried suing the airport because they lost my luggage

My lawyer keeps saying I’ve already lost my case

I'm suing my wife...

She wont let me get tattoos of grizzles on each bicep. She's infringing on my right to bear arms

A farmer is suing a trucking company a week after getting into a very bad accident.

"Sir," the trucking company's lawyer says to the farmer, "my client says that, after the accident, you said you were fine. Is that true?"

"Well, you see," replies the farmer, "I was driving to the fair, and my favourite dog, Spot, was in the front seat with me, and--"

"I didn't ask for...

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

I nudged a girl and now her family is suing me

Cruises aren't all the fun they used to be

A man is suing another man for a car crash....

Man : my hand hurts and i can't even raise it!

lawyer: how high can you raise it now?

the man raises his hand to a very low place

lawyer: and how high were you able to raise it before the crash?

the man raises his hand the highest his hand can go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is suing Male enhancement giant Viagra..

He says it's a rigged erection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm suing samsung.

I bought a Fucking Note 7 for my wife and it stil didn't explode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is suing a hospital...

A woman is suing a hospital saying that after her husband had surgery there, he has lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two neighbors stand before a judge, one suing the other.

The judge asks "For what reason are you suing your neighbor here?"

The man replies "Because this man ripped off one of my testicles!"

The judge, confused, asks "Why would anyone do such a thing?"

The man shrugs and states "I don't know, but I found it and put it in this plastic ...

Washington state salmon fisheries are suing campers who have been walking in shallow waters where salmon traditionally spawn

The case is Roe vs. Wade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought some children's books and there was no porn in any of them

I'm suing the Republican party for false advertising.

Mrs Rosenfeld is suing Mr Ramsay for calling her a pig

Mr Ramsay asks the judge: "is it illegal for me to call Mrs Rosenfeld a pig?"

The judge replies: "yes, of course it's illegal."

Mr Ramsay asks again: "ok, but am I allowed to call a pig 'Mrs Rosenfeld' your honor?"

The judge says: "well yeah, there is no law against that."
<...

Apple is suing Qualcomm for selling them overpriced chips.

Punchline ends.

[long] A man who was suing over an automobile accident was being questioned by the defendant's lawyer.

"*Did you or did you not say at the time of the accident that you were not hurt*?"
"*I did*," replied the plaintiff.
"*But you see, it was like this: I was driving along the road with my old horse and wagon when along comes this car and knocks us into the ditch. You never saw such a horri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about that group of women suing their plastic surgeon for faulty butt implants? Apparently their cheeks wont stop smacking together now...

It's a real ass claption lawsuit.

How does a lawyer say goodbye?

***I'll be suing ya!***

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my last day of high school I mooned my teacher

Now she’s suing me for sexual hairy-assment

Sunscreen

Did you hear Steve Irwin's family is suing Coppertone?
He was wearing it, but it didn't protect him from harmful rays.

Went to to the doctor the other day to check my reflexes

Now he's suing me for assault because I made him infertile

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