A lumberjack was being cross-examined during a murder trial.

The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him:

"Is it true you were working at night?  How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?"

The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."

A guy being examined by a psychologist is shown an inkblot card. "What does this look like?" asks the examiner

The guy studies it for a moment. "Oh, that's an easy one! It's Rorschach series III, sequence 6, card 2."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 3 year old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath."Mom", he asked, "are these my brain?"

"Not yet", she replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is being examined by his doctor

The doctor starts looking very concerned.
The man asks, "Doctor, what's wrong?"
The doctor says, "I'm sorry to tell you this sir, but you can no longer masturbate."
The man with a tear in his eye asks, "Doctor, why?"
The doctor replies, "Because, I'm trying to examine you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest penis he had ever seen.

“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” the mortician commented, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive penis. It must be saved for posterity.” So he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said to his wife, op...

I just got my prostate examined.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an old lady who knew how to ride a scooter

Every day she passed the border riding on the scooter, with a bag behind the scooter. The Customs personnel - all old rascals - began to suspect the old lady.

One day, when she was on the scooter with the bag behind her, the customs officer told her to stop. The old lady stopped and then the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,

The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.

I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.

She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on ...

Roadkill on M42

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M42 near Birmingham recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeare...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and...

A man takes his dog to the vet to be examined...

The vet picks the dog up, looks it over, and then says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

The man asks why.

"He's heavy."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is being examined by his doctor

The doctor seems troubled.
“How’s it looking doc?” the guy asks. “Anything I should worry about?”
“Bad luck” says the doctor “I think you might die soon. Mercury is in Uranus”
The guy laughs “Ha! Don’t worry, I don’t put any faith it that astrology nonsense”
“No” says the doctor “I mean...

Feel old yet?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Amy

"My name is Amy. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is being examined by a proctologist...

The doctor asks the nurse for a light.

She hands him a beer:

"No, nurse. I wanted a butt light.

A mother and her daughter went to the doctor's office...

The mother asked her doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her" the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced,"Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped,"That's nonse...

Being Bureaucratically Examined After Death

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted.
One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each
applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day w...

A captain of a ship was retiring after 40 years in the business.

He had some good voyages, and some bad, but it was finally time to sail one last time. Before each trip, the captain would open a small leather book, read a certain page, close the book and board the ship for the voyage. Only he knew what the leather book said. Not even his first mate knew what the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goldilocks and the three cars.

Goldilocks had grown into a fine young lady now, and so she decided to revisit the three bears, just to see how they were all doing.

As she wandered down the path, she ended up at their house, signed "The Three Bears".
She didn't see any sign of them around.

Typical.

Yet, so...

A very smooth talking cow

Grazed in a pasture near the chicken coop. The most delicious plants, the spearmint leaves, sat at the edge of the fence where the chickens perched. Whenever the cow would come by she'd eat the leaves, and then smooth talk the chickens with her minty fresh breath. The chickens would eventually ge...

What's the worst feeling when getting your prostate examined?

Both of the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.