UPJOKE

Studies Show Jokes

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show that 98.9% of men masturbate

The rest don't have arms.

Studies show that 75 percent of blondes have lower-than-average intelligence.

Luckily, I’m a blonde and I’m in the remaining 35%

Studies show that cows produce more milk...

when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of "in one ear, and out the udder".

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.

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Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres

Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

Studies show that fertility is hereditary.

If your parents didn't have children, chances are, you won't either.

Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators...

From this, we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new...

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

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Studies Show..

The American Government funded a study to learn why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After a year and $180,000 they concluded that the reason was to give the man more pleasure during intercourse.

After that study was published, the French Government decided to do their ow...

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Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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Studies show...

Studies show that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers.

Studies show

That 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy

Studies show that more Americans watch television...

than any other household appliance.

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%

Studies show that women tend to drink less than men.

Probably because they can’t stand to pee.

Studies show ADHD students cost the school more on average

Because they cannot afford to pay attention.

Studies show that keeping tropical fish at home has a calming effect on your brain.

It’s because of all the indoor fins.

Studies show that 9 out of 10 Vegans have trouble with constipation.

Goes to show that what happens in Vegans, stays in Vegans.

Studies show that after being released from prison, women have a tendency to immediately begin menstruation.

This is because a period comes at the end of a sentence.

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Studies show that 6 in 10 people suffer from sudden bursts of anger.

The other 4 are FUCKING WANKERS.

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Studies show that young people these days are having less sex than previous generations

I knew I was ahead of my time.

Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news'

I read it on Facebook.

Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their lives.

My question is why 1 in 5 enjoy it.

Studies show that owning a ladder is 10 times more dangerous than owning a gun.

That’s why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac trys to come at me with a ladder.

Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8 hour work day...

...I totally disagree, because it’s hard work trying to not get caught doing nothing by your boss.

Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life.

Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.

Studies show that spying on people is good for humanity.

Power to the peep-hole!

Studies show the effects of divorce on young children are complex.

Sadness and anxiety are common, but many are just happy to be single again.

Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers.

They never take a stab in the dark.

Recent Studies show over 80% of people privately admit to peeing in the shower.

But everyone puts on airs and pretends to be disgusted when I publicly admit to doing it in the bathtub.

New studies show that the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by the children of immigrants.

And it's been that way since 1607.

Studies show that a fear of spiders means that you're more likely to find them in your bed...

... Then I should mention that I have a fear of beautiful women with long legs

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Studies show unprotected sex has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer.

The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius.

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Studies show that 92% of people masturbate. Do you know what the other 8% does instead?

Yeah... me neither.

Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.

The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.

Recent studies show that 100% of people disabled from the waist down are diagnosed with a mental disorder

Crippling Depression

Recent studies show that chimps raised in captivity are more likely to reproduce if they are shown videos of other chimps mating in the wild.

monkey see monkey do monkey, monkey do monkey

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society...

Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

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The mayor is worried about juvenile crime in the city, so he orders various groups to do something about it. Half a year later, they meet to discuss their results.

"We reached out to local schools and started youth programs to keep children busy and educate them on better behaviour. Our studies show that crime among participants fell by 15% compared to the control group."

"We increased police presence in affected areas to deter unlawful behaviour. Our o...

DON'T BREATHE!

Studies show that 100% of humans that have died have inhaled oxygen at least once in their life.

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