Stepped Jokes

So I've worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I'm going back to when he was little and we'll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.

Now I’m being haunted by an escarghost.

Three guys got into a car crash and all died. They all get up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter said "Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do don't step on a duck." The gates open and there are ducks everywhere, all over the floor, on tabletops, everywhere.
The first gu... read more

There was a posts I found last night where people shared Chuck Norris jokes and I wanted to share a (hopefully) original one.

Quit when he was in his Prime.

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant, dead ant dead Aaaaaaaaaant

they’ve stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

Now iam a cereal killer

Mitosis

It's mine.

he didn't stand a chance against the 3 of us

It Croaked!

A woman was taking a shower when she heard a knock on the door. She called out, “who is it? I can’t come to the door right now, I just stepped out of the shower” The man at the door answered “Don’t worry lady, I’m a blind salesman”…so the woman says “ok you can come in”. He gets inside and asks: “wh... read more

A Ba-boom

Wow, this blew up!

...it was just offal.

That's a b flat

He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie.

Standing still, he cried out in terror, "Please someone help me, I'm melting!"

MESHELL!

He’s a cereal killer

He shrugged and said "hey man, what Uganda do about it?".

He laughed, I laughed, good times, good times.

Not sure why the dial spun a full 360 before it stopped on 150 though.

Youd be deeply impressed

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And alt... read more

... that’s the last time I trip on robotussin.

I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty,... read more

Mitosis!

Sorry if it’s been posted before but my little cousin just told me this and I died laughing

Then he handed the shovel to me.

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ... read more

An ambulance

At the gate into heaven St. Peter tells them, they can have everything they want as long as they do not step on a dark cloud. After that, they enter and have an amazing time.

But after a week the first comes up to the others with his leg in a bear trap. The others ask him:
"What happend?"<... read more

After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s one.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five ... read more

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and ... read more