I asked my handyman why did he paint my staircase white

He was indeed puzzled. The only thing I got from him is a blank stair

I don’t trust staircases

They’re always up to something.

How to Fall Down a Staircase

* Step 1
* Step 2
* Step 4
* Step 6
* Step 11
* Step 16
* Floor

Every day, I find a staircase in some building, disassemble one of the stairs, and leave with it.

I just like to take things, one step at a time.

What did the staircase say when I climbed it?

Nothing.




It just staired.


(Actually kind of proud of this one, entirely original dad joke)

A blonde is at a magical staircase that’s 100 steps high.

At the top of the stairs are untold riches, but in order to get to the top, you have to hear a joke from each individual stair and not laugh. If you laugh at any joke, you can’t go any higher. The jokes start off lame, but get progressively funnier.

The first joke comes and the blonde is stoi...

What's the secret to building a staircase?

Just take it step-by-step

I just witnessed my friend fall on the staircase, he was badly hurt so i came running and asked:

Are the stairs ok?

What's another way of saying attempted murder?

Marble Staircase.

Stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from a staircase?

No stepson

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Hitler dies and walks up the staircase to the Pearly Gates. As he arrives, he is crying in agony.

"I see you are sorry about what you did," says St. Peter, "so I forgive you all your sins and you shall enter Heaven now."

"Thank you," Hitler replies, "it really hurts when you hit your toe on one of those fucking stairs."

I once kicked a chinese man down a staircase

It was wong on so many levels

What do you call the lights illuminating a downward Peruvian staircase?

Incan descent lights.

How did the pharoah get so rich in the staircase business?

He was running a stepped pyramid scheme

My wife conceived on the staircase

I guess I have a step child now

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

What's black and sits at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

I got into a fight with a moving staircase.

It just escalated so quickly!

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The fact that there is a highway to hell, and only a staircase to heaven

Says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

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Happy Endings...

There's a middle aged guy - getting a bit fat and bald now, got a gimpy leg so he's walking with a cane - his wife just gave up trying to get horny and sent him out to find his fun somewhere else.

So he arrives at a brothel he'd heard about - pretty tall, a townhouse, very plain looking outsi...

What do you call a patronising criminal going down a staircase?

A condescending con descending.

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger,

All three girls die at the same time and at the staircase to heaven the angel says "okay on every step is a joke and if you can go up all 1000 steps you will go to heaven but if you laugh you will go down to hell."

So the brunette says "sounds easy" but when she makes it's to the 100th step s...

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

I fell down the staircase once

It hurt but my friends thought it was hystairical

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A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

I figured out the key to building a nice staircase

You just have to do it step by step

an old arabic joke my uncle told me

a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital

the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"

he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.

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Oldie but goodie.

There once was a small town, plagued with Foo birds. These were small but loathsome things. Harbingers of death, these birds were. Wherever they poo’d there would be death. The townsfolk were afraid to walk under trees and power lines, in case they became a Foo bird’s next victim.

Well one d...

So a staircase said something to me the other day...

Actually I lied, it just stared at me.

[NSFW] What is black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, red?

A penguin rolling down a staircase.

What do you call a Cadillac with a staircase on the back?

An escalador.

A blind man walks into a bar



And a table. And a door. And a staircase

The Trids and the Rabbi

Once there was a rabbi who was a happy hermit living by himself in some hills far away from anyone else. It wasn’t that he didn’t like people, he just found that being alone was satisfying.

Every day, the rabbi would walk through the woods in the hills. So familiar with the woods was he that ...

A blonde, redhead and brunette die and God appears before them

Mesmerized by their beauty (yes, he didn't create them ffs) he gives them a challenge. "For each step you take on the staircase to heaven, I will tell a dark joke. If you laugh, then you will fall straight to hell. Otherwise, despite all your sins, I will let you enter the gates of heaven".

A...

A blonde enters heaven.

God says "There are 100 steps on this staircase. On each step, I will tell you a joke. But if you laugh, you will be sent out of heaven never to return."

The blonde agrees. God tells the first joke, she doesn't laugh. Same thing happens for the second joke, and so on.

On the 99th step,...

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A man visits an old tavern

and sees an artist carving a beautiful pair of breasts into the veneer on the back wall. The entire upper section of the tavern has fantastic pairs of tits carved all over, and it is quite a sight to behold.

The man asks the artist, "is this all your work?"

The artist responds, "it is....

A blonde, brunette, and a red-head go to heaven

They meet St. Peter at a staircase with 100 stairs

St. Peter says, "To get to the gates, you need to climb the stairs, but on each stair is a joke or a riddle. If you laugh, you have to start over."

The red-head goes first. She gets to the first step and laughs.

The brunette go...

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An older man was married to a younger woman.

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that to prolong his life they should cut out sex. He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them ...

A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates when God comes out to greet them

"Usually I wouldn't let any of you girls in, but I'm having a good day. I'll give you all a deal. If you can climb my 1000 stair staircase and listen to a joke at each step without laughing I'll let you in." They all agree.

The brunette loses at the 100th step. The red head loses at the 500th...

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Mommy and Uncle Paul

"Hi honey, this is daddy.
Is mommy near the phone?”

A voice on the other end answers: “No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
The little girl quipped.

After a brief pause daddy says “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”

“Oh yes I do, and he is upsta...

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Two Hippies Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned.

One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!"

The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail thats killing me."

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An older gentleman walks in to a bar and spends the night drinking...

As he finishes up his last drink the bartender says, "Rich, you want me to call your wife to come pick you up?"

Rich responds, "Nah, I'll get home just fine."

He takes his last gulp and lifts himself from the bar stool only to collapse on to the floor.

The bar tender rushes ov...

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A confused mother watches her 4 year old son...

A confused mother watches her 4 year old son. on the staircase, he has the family cat and a box of tic tacs, and he is slowly and methodically eating one tic tac, licking the cat, and moving down one step. He then repeats this, over and over.

He is about half way down the stairs when finally ...

My alcoholic girlfriend got pregnant recently and it was really tough to find a 12 step plan for her

But then i remembered my mom's house has a pretty big staircase.

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A man was walking home from a night out early in the morning when

he spots a teenage girl crying on the top of a building, so he rushes up to her.
man: "Don't jump!"
girl: "But i have nothing to live for! I've never even been kissed before!"
Despite having a wife, he kisses her, which calms her down. She sighs and starts to walk towards the staircase, and...

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An actor gets his first big break...

"Hark, for yonder art thou cannon," the actor states. The part only had the one line.

The director looks excited. "Perfect!" he yells. "You have the job."

"Awesome, when do-" the actor starts before being interrupted by 2 large security guards. They pick him up by the arms and legs and...

A no-armed man is looking for a job...

... so he goes to the local church. He tells the priest he will ring the church's bell every hour, on the hour.
The priest is dubious, and asks how the man is going to do that with no arms. The man says not to worry, he'll handle that. "I'll do it for free the first week, so you can see I can h...

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A women is cheating on her husband we she hears him returning. "Quick hide!"

The man desperately darted around the room looking for somewhere to hide. Before he could find a good hiding space it was too late, the husband was already making his way up the staircase. Losing all hope the man hid in the bathroom. As soon as the husband arrived in the room he told his wife he goi...

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Billy really wanted to ask Suzy to the prom but he was so nervous he waited until the day before to ask her...

He walks up to Suzy in the hall and says "Suzy, I know it's the day before, but... Would you go to the prom with me?"
Suzy is surprised, and a little taken back, "I didn't think you were going to ask me. Yes, I would love to go with you!"
"Really?! Oh boy, ok!" And our hero Billy runs off to...

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BIG FIGHT

My wife and I had a huge fight and she told me to get the hell out.
To spite her I went upstairs and packed my suitcases. Coming down the staircase, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs.
'I hope you die a slow and painful death, you bastard,' she hissed.
I reply,' So, now y...

Vinny the Hitman's birthday

On his birthday, Vinny, a professional hitman, is getting ready to go out, when suddenly, a large group of mobsters shows up at hist front door.


"Vinny," say the mobsters, "it's your birthday. Come on, we've booked you an entire restaurant. Let's go."


"Oh my god guys," says Vin...

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I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

A blonde who want to earn some money

A blonde who want to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started advertising a rich neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much is your fee?”

The bl...

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An oldie, but a goodie. [NSFW] [Long]

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar filled with $100 bills lying on the counter. From the looks of it, there's at least ten grand in the jar. He asks the bartender about it. "It's part of a bet we've got going on," the bartender tells him. "You place $100 in the jar, and then you have to complete ...

New husband and wife

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning,...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead going up a stairway to heaven

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are waiting at the pearly gates. God then says to them "Normally you girls wouldn't be let in, but I'm in a good mood today. In front of you there is staircase of exactly a thousand steps. Every time you take a step up, I will tell you a joke. If you make it all t...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

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Goldfish, man, you made me so happy, I'll do anything for you...

This is long, so bear with me.
So I was fishing at this pond close to home, see. And all day I was fishing, with nothing biting. Just as the sun was setting, something was finally tugging and wouldn't you know, the most brightly coloured gold FISH(!) was at the end of my fishing string. And w...

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are trying to get into heaven

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead died in an accident and are now standing before God. God is awaiting them at the top of a staircase that leads to the gates of heaven. God then says to them, "If you wish to enter heaven, you will have to climb these hundred steps to the top, but for every step you ...

The suavest save

One day, a handsome young fireman was on duty and was called to a burning home. He was told upon arrival that the house was only going to remain standing for another couple of minutes and that a young woman was trapped on the upper floor of the house. Without wasting a moment, he bravely made his wa...

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Mrs. Pink

Mrs. Pink lived in Pinkville in her pink house on a beautiful pink hillside. It was getting late so she decided it was time for bed. She walked up her pink staircase, down the pink hallway, turned the pink doorknob on the first pink door on the right, went in her pink bedroom lied down in her pink b...

The Two Nuns and the Blind man.

There were once two nuns taking a bath together when all of a sudden they hear a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" yells out one of the nuns.
"It's me, the blind man." replies the man at the door.
"Ok, come on up." calls the second nun.
A short moment later, they heard the footsteps up the...

Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.

After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.

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An old joke a good friend of mine told me.

There was a traveller going for a drive through some deep dark woods. At around 3 AM, he found an inn to stay at for the night. He went up to the front counter and asked the manager if he has a room available. "Yes, we have one more room up for rent. It's 10 bucks a night, you interested?" He takes ...

Q: What goes black and white

Black

White

Black

White

Black

White?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

Q2: What goes green a few days later?

A: The same nun at the bottom of the staircase.

[Long Joke] A newlywed couple wanted to go on their honeymoon...

but both of them being very busy at their jobs, they got a call to have emergency meetings at different places of the country. They decided that they will make arrangements for the resort at Africa for them to reach there after their meetings. However, the husband's meeting was planned to end one da...

Two Drunk Farmers

Two drunk farmers are helping each other home late one night, staggering down the railroad tracks. After about half a mile, Vern declares with some annoyance, "Shoot, this sure is a long staircase!"
At that Chet slurs back, "Well, it ain't the stairs that're botherin' me so much as these stink'in...

In hopes to try to get some free advertising a Department store holds an event for Single ladies that want to meet that "it" guy

On the main floor 1000's of ladies stand in line for their chance to meet single guys, the atmosphere is electric! Groups of ladies stand in line some laughing giddily amongst themselves with an excited look on their face. Peggy sue holds a small raffle ticket in hand that reads she is contestant 70...

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Two men died and were in line at the pearly gates

Two men appeared at the pearly gates together. Seeing that there was a line to get in, they struck up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" Said the first man to the second.

"I suffocated and froze to death in a deep freeze. I wouldn't recommend it as a good way to go. You?"

"Oh i...

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Man bought his wife sexy lingerie for Women's Day...

Seventy-five year old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Women’s Day.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvi...

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