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Stair Jokes

Why did the stair contractor get in so many fights?

He kept asking people if they want a step outside.

I don’t trust stairs.

They’re always up to something.

I offered my elderly neighbour 20 bucks to give me a ride on her stair lift.

I think she's gonna take me up on it..

How to Fall Down the Stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 5

Step 9

Step 12

Floor

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Stair Lift

My gran hates her stairlift, she said it drives her up the fucking wall.

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My grandfather is really upset at the new stair chair lift he got for his house.

He said, “It’s driving me up the fucking wall.”

Stairs really freak me out and give me anxiety

I think I need to approach this fear step by step

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How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, reports say he fell

I've just written a book on how to fall down a stair case.

It's a step-by-step guide.

I hate stair lifts

They drive me up the friggin wall

My girlfriend always prefers to use the stair, whereas I like using the elevator...

I guess we are raised differently.

Update on the crisis at the stair factory

The situation is escalating

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My grandma got one of those StairLifts for her house.

Shit drives her up the walls...

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

saw my wife lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought to myself,

“She was right, I am pushy"

A old woman visits a doctor after a falling down the stairs, injuring her hip.

Doctor: “you took quite a tumble, you are going to need to take it easy and definitely avoid stairs for several weeks while you heal.”

Woman: “I suppose I could sleep downstairs, but what if I realize I need something and it is upstairs?”

Doctor: “Do you have a neighbor you could ask ...

I saw this poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself.

I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than $1.50 in her wallet.

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.

Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"

New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
...

What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs...

It was Wong on so many levels.

The stair joke

There was once a competition between 5 friends to walk up a flight of ten stairs, the first to get to the top wins. The catch? Every stair has a joke on it and if you were to laugh on any stair you were eliminated.

The first friend goes and makes it to the second stair before laughing at the...

I'm worried I will fall down the stairs one day...

I'd take steps to avoid it, but that's sort of the problem.

I was trying to build new deck stairs…

But unfortunately I lacked the dexterity.

What do you call a pretentious criminal going down stairs?

A condescending con
descending.

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A man walks into a brothel

A man walks into a brothel one day and says to the woman: “I’m here to enjoy an evening with a young woman. Is this a fine establishment?”

The woman replies “oh absolutely! This is the finest establishment that you’ll find within a 300 mile radius!”

The man states “great! I have a 12 i...

Why did the pilot take the elevator instead of the stairs?

Too many flights

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A lawyer is walking down the stairs of his law firm.

This guy is dressed in an expensive suit, he's wearing shoes made from an extinct reptile and orphan tears, and He's walking to his brand new Lamborghini. Just as he opens the driver side door a truck comes speeding through and tears the door from its hinges. The lawyer visibly shocked and pissed ye...

A blonde and two brunettes had to climb 100 stairs without laughing

On each stair they were told a joke, and they got funnier every stair higher.

The first brunette only made it to the first stair.

The second brunette made it to the fifth stair before she laughed.

The blonde slowly made her way up all the stairs, until finally she was at the 99t...

Here is a complete list on how to build a single stair.

Step 1

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or com...

There were 3 men in a brothel. One going up the stairs, one in going down the stairs, and one in a room. What were their nationalities?

The man going up the stairs was Russian.

The man going down the stairs was Finnish.

And the man in the room, Himalayan.

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It's 2am and the doorbell rings.

I run down stairs and open the door. There's a bloke there looking a bit desperate and says, "I know it's really late, but can you give me a push". I tell him to piss off and I go back to bed.

Wife asks who it was - I tell her. She says I'm a right cunt for not helping and I should give him a...

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

What do you call a man falling down the stairs with a hard on?

Rock and roll

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Walking up the stairs behind Maria, John exclaims

“Wow, your ass is the size of a washing machine!”

Maria does not react to his comment. At night, John gets in the mood to make love and tells Maria, to which she replies:

“For such a small cloth I will not turn the machine on. You better hand-wash it!”

What do you call a wizard that fell down the stairs?

Tumbledore!

Blonde guy gets home from work...

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

"Honey! Help! I'm having a heart attack!"

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and dau...

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a 3 bedroom suite on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but all the elevators are broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sa...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

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Mother in law and stairs

Two old friends meet each other after a long time:

A: Oh hey, what's new?

B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.

A: Oh really, damn, how?

B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.

A: That's tragic, what did you...

I hate stairs.

They bring me down.

how do people in wheelchairs go down stairs?

Quickly.

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A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

What does superman have at the top of his stairs?

A superhero landing

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the ba...

When building stairs

You have to take one step at a time

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

I am afraid of stairs

not sure what steps I should take to overcome it!

You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke

Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.

He asks Bob what they plan on doing.

Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I h...

Stairs!

Bet you can’t fall down just one.

Steps on how to fall down stairs.

Step one:
Step three:
Step seven:
Step nine:
Step thirteen:
Step twenty:
Floor:

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How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

What's the worst thing about going up the stairs behind someone?

The ascent. (Ass-scent)

Thanks to my daughter for that one.

Idk how to climb stairs

Anyone have a step by step tutorial?

I don't like stairs.

They're always up to something. I'm taking steps to avoid them.

What do you call particularly complex stairs?

Stairs with extra steps.

I was asked if I wanted to take the elevator or stairs up.

I decided on the latter.

What's the easiest way to build stairs?

By using a step-by-step guide

Could I interest you in a show about stairs?

It’s a multi-step program!

I was mad on my way up the stairs.

By the time I got to the third floor my anger was on another level.

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