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Garrison Jokes

Garrison Keillor is twice the entertainer that Bill Cosby is.

Keillor even puts the men to sleep.

You know why cannibals don't eat divorced women?

They're bitter.

— Garrison Keillor

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

Two young girls were talking

Girl 1: What does your daddy do for a living?

Girl 2: He's a lawyer. What about your daddy?

Girl 1: My daddy's dead

Girl 2: What did he do before he died?

Girl 1: He sort of clutched at his chest and fell over


From Garrison Keillor's "pretty good joke book"

A priest, a holy roller and a rabbi have a contest to convert a bear to their religion

The rabbi tries first. The priest and holy roller end up visiting him in the hospital.

The priest says "Maybe I shouldn't have *begun* with circumcision."

-Garrison Keillor, News From Lake Wobegone, Jan 21, 2017

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British Officer at a Frontier Post

In 1869, a young British officer, prim and proper, arrives at his new garrison post in the northwest frontier of British India. His commander gives him a tour of the somewhat dilapidated fort, and of its surrounding local villages.
"You see", says the commanding officer, "it's mostly camels ...

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar with a handful of fresh dog manure and says to the bartender, "Look what I almost stepped in."

(from Garrison Keillor)

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