A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

Was playing soccer last week and the referee said I could only take the free kick if the ball was stationery.

So I swapped it for a pencil.

I bought an England stationery set earlier.

It's missing three pens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian and a father telling jokes about stationery?

One is bad at telling dick jokes.
The other is dad at telling Bic jokes.

What do you call a stationery convention in Philadelphia?

Pencil-mania

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made a bicycle out of scrapbooking supplies

It's a stationery bike.

Once you throw a paper aeroplane it's no longer...

Stationery

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it will still be stationery.

Why did the pilot turn his plane into pens, pencils and a ruler?

Because to refuel it needed to be stationery.

I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit.

I felt it wasn't going anywhere.

Why couldn't the pen cross the road?

Because it was stationery

I tried to make a paper plane, but it didn't go too well

It remained stationery

No matter how far you manage to throw a piece of paper

It is still stationery.

Have you heard of the pen paradox?

Have you heard of the pen paradox?


It doesn't matter how fast it's moving it'll still be stationery.

What do you call a pencil super-glued to the floor?

Stationary stationery

I tried to pick up a letter but I couldn’t

It was stationery

Fun with police

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was TAing an electrostatics lab.

The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student’s lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: “paper remai...

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man goes to his doctor...

man goes to his doctor and begins to explain

"Doctor, I have a problem. My wife is a nymphomaniac and we have to have sex at least twice before she'll let me go to work. My secretary is also a nympho, and we usually have sex late morning and mid afternoon in the stationery cupboard. Sometimes...

Someone stole my pencil case off my desk and ran with it

I guess it's no longer stationery

Why don't paperclips move around a lot?

They like being stationery.

You're my one and only love.

One day, a gorgeous young woman comes into the stationery and asks the clerk:

-Do you have cards with a red heart, an arrow trough it and "You are my One and only Love." written in big golden letters?

-Sure we do, valentine's right around the corner.

-Good, I'll take a dozen pl...

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