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Stationery Jokes

Where does Dracula get his stationery?

Pencylvania

What is a pervert’s favorite kind of stationery?

A Barely Legal Pad

I bought an England stationery set earlier.

It's missing three pens.

A Joke my kid told me

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...

A customer asked the service assistant in a bookshop 'Do you keep stationery here?'

'No, I go for walks' replied the assistant

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

What do you call a stationery convention in Philadelphia?

Pencil-mania

No matter how much you push the envelope.

It’ll still be stationery.

I asked the girl in the paper shop "Do you keep stationery?" and she said "Usually,"

"but if I'm really getting into it I sometimes wriggle a bit."

Rock, paper and scissors have entered a race.

Rock has begun to roll, but paper and scissors remain stationery.

Was playing soccer last week and the referee said I could only take the free kick if the ball was stationery.

So I swapped it for a pencil.

The mobile shop next door has moved.

The stationery shop is still there, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made a bicycle out of scrapbooking supplies

It's a stationery bike.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian and a father telling jokes about stationery?

One is bad at telling dick jokes.
The other is dad at telling Bic jokes.

I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but I had no gas in my car so...

...I rode my stationery bike.

My paper airplane will not fly..

Well it is just stationery!

Why couldn't the pen cross the road?

Because it was stationery

I tried to pick up a letter but I couldn’t

It was stationery

Have you heard of the pen paradox?

Have you heard of the pen paradox?


It doesn't matter how fast it's moving it'll still be stationery.

I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit.

I felt it wasn't going anywhere.

I tried to make a paper plane, but it didn't go too well

It remained stationery

Fun with police

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternit...

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Why do pencil races take so long?

Because pencils are stationery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was TAing an electrostatics lab.

The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student’s lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: “paper remai...

Why don't paperclips move around a lot?

They like being stationery.

You're my one and only love.

One day, a gorgeous young woman comes into the stationery and asks the clerk:

-Do you have cards with a red heart, an arrow trough it and "You are my One and only Love." written in big golden letters?

-Sure we do, valentine's right around the corner.

-Good, I'll take a dozen pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man goes to his doctor...

man goes to his doctor and begins to explain

"Doctor, I have a problem. My wife is a nymphomaniac and we have to have sex at least twice before she'll let me go to work. My secretary is also a nympho, and we usually have sex late morning and mid afternoon in the stationery cupboard. Sometimes...

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