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Sperm Bank Jokes

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sperm Bank

I paid a visit to the sperm bank last week, the lady asked if i could masturbate in the cup.
I replied “I’m good but i don’t think i’m ready to compete in a tournament yet”

I got fired from a sperm bank...

Every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

**Edit:** Did not expect this joke to take off. Made it to the front page for a little while.

**Edit 2:** Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

What does the receptionist at the sperm bank says when donors are leaving?

Thank you for coming!

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?

Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

Sperm Bank...

At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk. "Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady. "I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded. So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm. "Drink it." says the man.
...

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

I didn't know what to wear to the Sperm Bank...

So I came in my pants

What's a sperm bank's distribution policy?

First come, first served?

The sperm bank in my town offers initial consultations over Zoom.

But for follow-up appointments you have to come in person.

What was the high-IQ sperm bank called?

Crème de la Crème

The sperm bank I visited yesterday had it's own food court.

Unfortunately, it was just a Jack In The Box.

A man leaving his apartment building runs into his female neighbor on the elevator.

"Good morning, what are you up to today?" he asks.


She replies, "I'm going down to give blood."


"How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks.


"About $20 a pint." she says.


"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the spe...

A masked man walks into a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the receptionist and tells her to open the safe. She says: but you don't understand. This is not a normal bank. This is a sperm bank. The man says: I know exactly what this is. Now open a sample and swallow the whole thing. The woman opens one and swallows it all. The man then t...

A woman is working at a sperm bank

A man in a ski mask comes in, puts a cup on the desk and a gun to her head and says

“drink this sample or I’ll blow your brains out”

She goes, “no, I can’t, I can’t”

He says “drink it or I’ll blow your brains out”

She drinks it.

He takes off the mask. It’s her husb...

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

Man drank a glass of milk at the sperm bank

Man: thank you for that glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: what glass of milk

Man: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: oh my god

Man: what

Sperm bank employee: you drank my glass of milk

So our local sperm bank got shut down

Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

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A masked gunman storms into a sperm bank.

He runs up to the counter, pointing his shotgun at the receptionist there, and shouts, "This is a stick-up!"

The receptionist raises her hands and says, "But sir, I don't think you understand. This isn't a regular bank, this is a sperm bank."

He says, "Don't tell me what I don't unders...

What’s the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank?

After you make a deposit at the sperm bank, you lose interest.

Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.”

Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

A man wearing a ski mask walks into a sperm bank, holding a gun he orders the receptionist to open the vault.

“But sir, this is just a sperm bank” replied the receptionist.

“I don’t care,” the man screamed, “open the vault.”

The receptionist opens the vault and inside are dozens of sperm samples. The man says “ Now take one of those sperm samples and drink it” the man demands.

“ But sir...

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A guy runs into the sperm bank with a mask and a gun...

"Hands up, lady!" he yells.

The woman behind the counter puts up her hands. "Sir! This isn't a real bank! It's a sperm bank!"

"Never mind that! Just open the vault! Now!"

So she does.

"Get in there! Grab one of them vials!" he says, waving the gun at her.

"But the...

Ordered something from the Sperm Bank.....

Sadly, it never came.

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

A job at a sperm bank may be a low income job

But you’ll never be low incum

Sperm Bank Robbery

It was a normal day at the local sperm bank, when all of a sudden, a man bursts in with a mask a and a handgun and yells "EVERYONE! ON THE GROUND!"

Once every person in the facility is lying down, he walks over to the refrigerator area for very-recent donations, then turns around, facing the ...

I work at a sperm bank

I make sure to tell everyone’s thanks for coming today!

A robber enters a sperm bank..

-Give me all the vaults money right now! Says to the cashier
-Sir this is a sperm bank! In the "vault" we only have sperm says the woman in agony
- Go to the vault, get three bottles of sperm and start drinking them!!!
The woman fearing for her life drinks very reluctantly the two bottles<...

I was talking to a guy at a sperm bank

I asked, “You come here often?”

Armed man storms into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask

He shouts "**everybody hit the floor!**" and shoots his gun twice at the ceiling. Everybody hits the floor in muffled panic. He then approaches the main desk and accosts the lady behind the counter:

\- **you! bank lady! where is the storage vault?**

\+ it's downstairs but--

\- ...

I work at a sperm bank

Lots of men come everyday

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Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

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I've started making deposits at a sperm bank instead of having sex with women (NSFW)

At least that way I know I'm getting some interest.

Sperm banks have difficulties finding donors.

TBH, there is zero interest.

An 80 year old bachelor visits a sperm bank…

He’s decided that he would leave a specimen behind in case anyone would want to use it.

The receptionist gave him a jar, pointed to another room and informed him that there were magazines in the room, in case he needed the extra encouragement.

After a few mins of quiet, the reception...

The director of the sperm bank summoned the blonde receptionist.

\-It's nice that you're polite to people who drop by here, he began, -but when they're on their way out again, I think you should say something other than, -"Thank you for coming!"-

Robber in sperm bank. (From reddit comments)

A masked robber storms into a sperm bank and demands everything from the safe. The girl at the counter makes a point about this being a sperm bank without any money, but the robber insists on getting the safes contents. The girl goes backdoor and returns with about a dozen of samples when the robber...

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A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun.

A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!"

She opens it and gets a vial of sperm out. "Now drink it...

A man walks into a sperm bank with a jar in his hand

"What are you here for today, sir?" the front desk woman asks.

The man explains, "So I was here a couple of days ago and I was asked to bring a sample of my sperm. So I got home and I used both my left hand and right hand. Nothing. I asked my wife for help. She used her left hand and then her...

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Why is it always crowded in a sperm bank?

Because people are paid to come.
Why'd you think sperm donations are really expensive, because they're handmade
But Its hardwork tho, it takes alo of balls to do it, whatever you thing you on regular that's nutting.

What's common between a sperm bank and a coffee shop?

you can get a Cup o' Joe at both places.

Why are sperm banks always so crowded?

People are paid to come inside.

Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm.

I have a sock in my room worth $3000.

I tried to rob a sperm bank

But had to make a break for it because I heard the cops coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

Sperm bank

The receptionist at the sperm bank was wondering why I'd brought my spice rack. I told her I was there to drop off the cumin jar.

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A man bursts into a sperm bank, wearing a mask and weilding a gun.

He goes to the woman behind the counter, puts the gun in her face and screams "OPEN THE VAULT!" She timidly stammers, "Sir, this is a sperm bank. There's no money..." He cocks the gun and screams, "I SAID OPEN IT!!!" She reluctantly leads him to the big freezer, "see" she says, "it's just test tubes...

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I went to the sperm bank today

I have a fetish for any sperm donated by a man called Ben, so I set off to find some.

The only sample I could find that matched my needs cost an extortionate 1 grand.

I guess that's just the price for Benedict's Cum Per Batch

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"
...

I went to the sperm bank but found out they weren’t open yet.

Guess I came a little too early.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

What did the man say when he was getting kicked out of the sperm bank

That’s the last time I’m coming in here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can be said about a sperm bank's pornographic materiel that can also be said about the sperm donation experience in its entirety?

So it's come to this

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Why did the sperm bank go out of business?

Hardly anyone was cumming there anymore.

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previou...

[Opens door] “Hello, I’m here to make my annual deposit to the sperm bank...”

“...I’ve been saving them all year.”

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A woman is working at a sperm bank...

A woman is working behind the counter of a sperm bank. Suddenly a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun comes running in.
He yells at her,

"Alright, no sudden movements and you don't get hurt. Now, grab one of those bottles of cum behind you."

Confused, the woman turns around an...

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A man walks into a sperm bank with $15,000 cash and says "I'd like to make a deposit please"

The receptionist tells him "Sir, this isn't that kind of bank, we can't help you with that."

The man goes "shit, that must be why I was getting funny looks when I made my deposit at the other place"

We had a fire drill at the sperm bank today...

But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a premature evacuation

What does the receptionist working at a sperm bank say when they pick up calls?

Hi, local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it, how can I help you?

I read that donations to sperm banks have dropped dramatically...

It's probably because, these days, most men do their banking online...

I made a deposit at the sperm bank last night.

She really hates it when I call her that though.

What’s another name for a sperm bank donor?

A cummunist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sperm Bank Robbery

A woman is working the desk at a sperm bank. Suddenly, a man wearing a ski mask and carrying a handgun bursts through the door and points his gun at the woman.

"Go to the back and give me everything you've got!" the man says.

The woman replies, "Sir, this is a SPERM bank."

"I do...

I canceled my appointment at the sperm bank.

I told them I was sorry but I couldn't cum.

An impotent man robs a sperm bank

An impotent man robs a sperm bank and the judge tells him he has to replace what he's stolen, or else he'll go to jail. Thinking he's doomed, the man turns to his lawyer.

"Don't worry," says the lawyer, "I'm sure I can get you off"

How are yogurt, and a man at a sperm bank alike?

They both come in cups.

I went to a sperm bank to become a donor.

Apparently they did not want me, they just told me to beat it.

I got banned from the sperm bank the other day...

They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.

Sperm Bank...

A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. "Open the safe," he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we`re not a real bank," she replies. "We don`t have any money. This is a sperm bank." "Don`t argue, open the goddamn safe or I`ll blow your head off," says the guy with the gun. Sh...

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My local sperm bank doesn't take donations by appointment.

It's first cum first serve.

Working at the sperm bank,

Working at the sperm bank, the receptionist was shocked to see a man enter with a mask on and gun. The man stormed up to the counter, pointed the gun at her and said "This is a hold up!"

Confused the lady said, "Sir this is a sperm bank not a..." but the masked man demanded that she shut up, ...

What do Sperm Banks and sailboats have in common?

Practically nothing

I decided to chat up the person next to me at the sperm bank yesterday.

I said, "Do you come here often?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael Jackson goes to the Sperm Bank

Michael Jackson asked what he was supposed to do in there, and they told him to just Beat It, and Don't Stop til you Get Enough.

They asked him afterwards what it was like to jerk off in a cup, and he said it was a Thriller.

Everyone thought it was strange that he didn't have any porno...

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