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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

What’s the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank?

After you make a deposit at the sperm bank, you lose interest.

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A masked gunman storms into a sperm bank.

He runs up to the counter, pointing his shotgun at the receptionist there, and shouts, "This is a stick-up!"

The receptionist raises her hands and says, "But sir, I don't think you understand. This isn't a regular bank, this is a sperm bank."

He says, "Don't tell me what I don't unders...

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank

My boss didn’t like me saying “Get a load of this guy!” whenever someone walked in the door

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

So our local sperm bank got shut down

Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

Why are sperm banks more expensive than blood banks?

Cuz they're handmade

I work at a sperm bank

Lots of men come everyday

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Man drank a glass of milk at the sperm bank

Man: thank you for that glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: what glass of milk

Man: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: oh my god

Man: what

Sperm bank employee: you drank my glass of milk

What did the man say when he was getting kicked out of the sperm bank

That’s the last time I’m coming in here

Armed man storms into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask

He shouts "**everybody hit the floor!**" and shoots his gun twice at the ceiling. Everybody hits the floor in muffled panic. He then approaches the main desk and accosts the lady behind the counter:

\- **you! bank lady! where is the storage vault?**

\+ it's downstairs but--

\- ...

Ordered something from the Sperm Bank.....

Sadly, it never came.

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What can be said about a sperm bank's pornographic materiel that can also be said about the sperm donation experience in its entirety?

So it's come to this

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What do you call a guy who cries at the sperm bank?

A tear jerker.

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

The director of the sperm bank summoned the blonde receptionist.

\-It's nice that you're polite to people who drop by here, he began, -but when they're on their way out again, I think you should say something other than, -"Thank you for coming!"-

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

---

What's common between a sperm bank and a coffee shop?

you can get a Cup o' Joe at both places.

Sperm banks have difficulties finding donors.

TBH, there is zero interest.

A man walks into a sperm bank

The doctor gives the man a small jar and tells him to fill it up and bring it back tomorrow. The next day the man walks in and the jar is empty. The doctor says "what happened?"
The man says

"Well doc, as you can tell I was really struggling. At first I tried with my left hand, and then I...

[Opens door] “Hello, I’m here to make my annual deposit to the sperm bank...”

“...I’ve been saving them all year.”

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A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun.

A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!"

She opens it and gets a vial of sperm out. "Now drink it...

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Why is it always crowded in a sperm bank?

Because people are paid to come.
Why'd you think sperm donations are really expensive, because they're handmade
But Its hardwork tho, it takes alo of balls to do it, whatever you thing you on regular that's nutting.

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Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

Called my local sperm bank clinic to know what's the best time to pay them a visit.

They said, “Whenever you feel like coming.”

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So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

I arrived at the sperm bank, but there's nobody here

I think I came too early

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

Why are sperm banks always so crowded?

People are paid to come inside.

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

The police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face

They arrived to a sticky hostage situation

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

Just ring up and say you can't cum!

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I went to the sperm bank today

I have a fetish for any sperm donated by a man called Ben, so I set off to find some.

The only sample I could find that matched my needs cost an extortionate 1 grand.

I guess that's just the price for Benedict's Cum Per Batch

NSFW - A masked man bursts into a sperm bank with a gun...

He runs up to the woman working the front desk and screams, "OPEN THE VAULT!"

The woman is frightened and confused, "Sir, this is a sperm bank!"

"OPEN IT!", he yells while waving the gun.

She complies and opens the vault.

"Now take out a sample and drink it!", he demands....

I decided to chat up the person next to me at the sperm bank yesterday.

I said, "Do you come here often?"

I went to the sperm bank but found out they weren’t open yet.

Guess I came a little too early.

Yesterday, I came to the sperm bank as a donor, but instead of appreciating it, the people there kept asking me questions.

Which I found totally unfair, because I obviously couldn't answer with my mouth full.

Sperm Bank Robbery

It was a normal day at the local sperm bank, when all of a sudden, a man bursts in with a mask a and a handgun and yells "EVERYONE! ON THE GROUND!"

Once every person in the facility is lying down, he walks over to the refrigerator area for very-recent donations, then turns around, facing the ...

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I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

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A guy runs into the sperm bank with a mask and a gun...

"Hands up, lady!" he yells.

The woman behind the counter puts up her hands. "Sir! This isn't a real bank! It's a sperm bank!"

"Never mind that! Just open the vault! Now!"

So she does.

"Get in there! Grab one of them vials!" he says, waving the gun at her.

"But the...

What’s another name for a sperm bank donor?

A cummunist.

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My attempt at an original joke: did you hear about the entrepreneur who opened a sperm bank?

He has a lot of spunk.

How are yogurt, and a man at a sperm bank alike?

They both come in cups.

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previou...

Why couldn’t the poor man donate at the sperm bank?

He was too low income

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A man bursts into a sperm bank, wearing a mask and weilding a gun.

He goes to the woman behind the counter, puts the gun in her face and screams "OPEN THE VAULT!" She timidly stammers, "Sir, this is a sperm bank. There's no money..." He cocks the gun and screams, "I SAID OPEN IT!!!" She reluctantly leads him to the big freezer, "see" she says, "it's just test tubes...

Sperm Bank...

At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk. "Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady. "I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded. So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm. "Drink it." says the man.
...

A masked man walks into a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the receptionist and tells her to open the safe. She says: but you don't understand. This is not a normal bank. This is a sperm bank. The man says: I know exactly what this is. Now open a sample and swallow the whole thing. The woman opens one and swallows it all. The man then t...

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I went to a sperm bank today

Me: Sorry, I drank the cup of milk on your table.

Sperm bank employee: What cup of milk?

Me: The one on your table.

Sperm bank employee: You asshole that was my cup of milk.

My job at the front desk of a sperm bank only lasted one day.

I kept telling everyone "thank you so much for coming."

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What do you call someone who robs a sperm bank?

A wank robber.

I'm going to open a business with the money I got from my donation to the sperm bank

Now that I've got a little seed money.

We had a fire drill at the sperm bank today...

But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a premature evacuation

When I found out sperm banks were taking deposits through the mail...

I came in a jiffy.

I read that donations to sperm banks have dropped dramatically...

It's probably because, these days, most men do their banking online...

NSFW A lady was queueing up at the donating line at a sperm bank.

A helper goes up to her and tells her:"Ma'am, you are queueing in the wrong line. This is the line to donate sperms."

The woman stares at him for a second. She then points at her mouth and goes:"Mmm! Mmm!"

A man is leaving the sperm bank at which he just donated and chats with the receptionist...

Man: “Have a good day! And thanks again for that glass of milk earlier!”

Receptionist: “Wait wait wait... what milk?”

M: “The glass of milk that was sitting on your counter”

R: “Oh no... you drank the last of my milk”

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My local sperm bank doesn't take donations by appointment.

It's first cum first serve.

I tried to rob a sperm bank

But had to make a break for it because I heard the cops coming.

I went to a sperm bank to become a donor.

Apparently they did not want me, they just told me to beat it.

You are at a sperm bank and a fire breaks out. What do you do?

Evaculate.

Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm.

I have a sock in my room worth $3000.

I made a deposit at the sperm bank last night.

She really hates it when I call her that though.

What do you call a group of friends who rob a sperm bank together?

A cumrobbery...

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A woman is working at a sperm bank...

A woman is working behind the counter of a sperm bank. Suddenly a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun comes running in.
He yells at her,

"Alright, no sudden movements and you don't get hurt. Now, grab one of those bottles of cum behind you."

Confused, the woman turns around an...

An impotent man robs a sperm bank

An impotent man robs a sperm bank and the judge tells him he has to replace what he's stolen, or else he'll go to jail. Thinking he's doomed, the man turns to his lawyer.

"Don't worry," says the lawyer, "I'm sure I can get you off"

What do Sperm Banks and sailboats have in common?

Practically nothing

Why did the London sperm bank close down?

Because people kept missing the tube.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a sperm bank?

The way the security guard treats you after you've blown your load.

What's the worst problem an IT person who works at a sperm bank has to deal with?

Sticky keys

Excuse me, can you help me find the sperm bank?

Sure, it's the one with the sign that says, "Come inside."

I got banned from the sperm bank the other day...

They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"
...

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Michael Jackson goes to the Sperm Bank

Michael Jackson asked what he was supposed to do in there, and they told him to just Beat It, and Don't Stop til you Get Enough.

They asked him afterwards what it was like to jerk off in a cup, and he said it was a Thriller.

Everyone thought it was strange that he didn't have any porno...

A robber walks into a sperm bank wearing a mask and carrying a gun...

... he walks up to the counter and points the gun at the lady and shouts "open up that safe!! Now!!".

The lady says "sir, we're a sperm bank, we don't have any money on the premises".

The robber screams at her "i don't care! Take everything out of the safe and put it on the counter"...

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