UPJOKE
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A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies."

Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"

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If someone dies while having sex...

would you say they went out with a bang.

Someone died last night

Now we're in morning.

Someone died eating chickpea dip...

It was ruled a hummuscide.

Wife: I'm afraid our Neighbour died

Husband: Who, Ray?

Wife: It's inappropriate to cheer when someone dies


(My 7 year old came up with this joke)

Someone died at the gym and i was there to help carry the body

It was the lightest deadlift I've ever done.

What do you call it when someone dies on the Lewis and Clark Expedition?

Corpse of Discovery

What does a carpenter use to make a casket when someone dies with an erection

Mourning wood

When using Waze as GPS, if you drive by an accident where someone died, do you mark that down as an 'accident', or as 'roadkill'?

I know, too dark...

In medical terms...

If someone dies while climaxing, is it considered dead on arrival?

If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.

That's definitely cannon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It doesn't actually matter

Whenever you masturbate, someone dies in a car accident.

Whenever you don't masturbate, someone still dies in a car accident.

Just something I like to think about whenever I masturbate.

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