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Mixed Drink Jokes

Having excessive mixed drinks isn't the answer...

... but they are solutions.

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It’s pretty much a watered down manhattan

My favorite mixed drink is the M. Night Shyamalan.

It's nothing with a twist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his raccoon

I was out drinking the other night and a man and his pet raccoon walk into the bar. It's about 7pm, in a near empty dive bar. Seemed a bit odd but as I watched I could tell they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night go...

Drink competition (very long)

I had a friend who loved to mix drinks and make new ones. One day he made a huge discovery. This new drink was an instant hit. Everyone would ask him for the recipe, but he refused to give it to anyone. He called it his Special Punch.

This went on for years, with plenty of people trying to mi...

My buddy with Parkinson’s just got a job at a bar

They only let him make mixed drinks

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

A lady walks into a bar

She takes a seat and tells the bartender that she's usually a mixed drink kind of lady, but tonight she'd like a beer and needs a little help choosing one.

The bartender asks: "Light or dark?"

"Light."

Then he asks "Imported or domestic?"

"Domestic!"
...

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A guy dies and goes to Hell

And Satan comes up to him and says, "Hey, welcome to Hell! Let me show you around - now just to let you know we have a very strict schedule around here and I'm going to explain it to you. It's really not so bad down here, all the burning in hellfire stuff is just propaganda. Each day is devoted t...

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...and the bartender hands him an apple

So I was sitting at the bar one day, and I say to the bartender

"Hey barkeep, can I get a rum and coke?"

"Sure thing! Just give me one second!"

The bartender grabs the rum, he grabs the coke, and puts an apple on the bar

"Hey what the hell is this"

"Take a bite"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his frog.

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and pulls a frog out of his pocket. The man sets the frog on the counter and orders a beer for himself. A few minutes later a woman walks up to the bar and sits down beside the man. She orders a mixed drink and a beer. As she is drinking she notices the frog sitt...

Last week was my 40th birthday.

I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I th...

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Two business-types go drinking after work..

First guy says to the second "Man, I cannot get shit-faced tonight, my wife will kill me". They start off with beers, move on to mixed drinks and next thing you know, they're pounding tequila shots. First guy has had enough, runs to the bathroom and promptly pukes all over the place. He comes bac...

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