UPJOKE
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Tights Jokes

A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts

She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'

'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'

'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'

'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I ...
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How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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My girlfriend's tights have ripped

They're on their last legs now.
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I just got a ladder in my tights.

I truly am a talented shoplifter
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding Night

"Darling, if I had known you were still a virgin, I would have taken more time."

"Oh, if I had known that you would take more time, I would have taken off my tights."

On this day in 1605 Guy Fawkes began his journey to London

It would take him several days because his legs were made of old tights stuffed with newspapers.
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