UPJOKE
finchfinksnitchsneakstooliecanary-yellowstoolpigeoncanary yellowcanary birdchromaticyellowinformersquealerbirdcanaria

Canary Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands...

No canaries there either.

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

Why should you never kiss a canary?

You'll catch chirpies.

It's a canarial disease.

There's no tweetment.

What’s the difference between a canary and a hamster?

The canary goes “foshhh” while the hamster goes “fump” in the vacuum.

What did the canary say when his cage broke?

Cheap cheap cheap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is looking to buy a Canary for his wife...

A man walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, but I DO have a parakeet." The customer insists on a canary, until the shop owner informs him that a parakeet can be made to sound like a canary if one files the beak just so. "But be careful not to file t...

A canary and a pigeon were on the street when an angry man with a bag of pastries approaches where they were standing

The man was very angry and kept throwing his bread, cakes and the rest of it in random directions as he just couldn’t control his rage and felt the need to throw his stuff all over the place. As he neared the canary and the pigeon he pulled out some more pastries from his bag and threw them wildly a...

Drunk man at a party ..

Asks the host if lemons have legs. Host answers no, of course not. Drunk replies Oh dear, I must have squeezed your canary into my drink

So my bird died

So I bought this Canary bird some time ago and it kept picking at my blinds which was costing me hundreds to continually replace.

I go to the vet and ask for advice.

The vet tells me to file off the birds beak ever so slightly, but that if I file it off too far it will not be able to p...

Vinny gets pulled over for speeding on the Jersey Turnpike...

And the cop asks him for his license and registration. Now Vinny wants to get rid of the cop as fast as possible being that he's got a dead "canary" in the trunk. As he passes his wallet, he drops a $50 bill on the ground.

"I'm sorry officer was that your fifty or mine?"

The cop hands ...

A man opens the door to a knock.

He looks down and sees a tiny Death with a scythe, black hood, and all.

He begins to turn pale and fainting, pale blue from the fear.

\- Relax, man, squealed Death. I'm coming to see the canary, not you.

“Julie,” her mother asked, “why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?”

“Because,” Julie answered, “that’s where my canary is.”

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

I saw a U.F.O!!!!!

But then learned its called a canary

I gave my pet bird a haircut and now he thinks he's James Bond

Well, I suppose he is a shorn canary

How do you make a cat happy?

Send it to the Canary islands!

One of the patrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.

He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.
Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary...

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

"Do Lemons Whistle?"

A drunk goes up to his host at a party and says with that terrible seriousness of totally plastered adults and very small children, "Excuse Me."

The host turns around and there is the drunk, just plastered and glassy eyed, completely out of it. The host thinking there is something wrong says,...
2 jokes are hidden here because they may not be suitable for all ages.
show them anyway

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.