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I learned today that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands. Same thing with the Virgin Islands...

...no canaries there either.

What’s the difference between a canary and a hamster?

The canary goes “foshhh” while the hamster goes “fump” in the vacuum.

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

Why should you never kiss a canary?

You'll catch chirpies.

It's a canarial disease.

There's no tweetment.

Billy's dead canary

Billy's canary was dead lying on the bottom of his cage. Billy asked his Dad why when things die they lay on their back with their eyes closed and their legs in the air. His Dad told him it was so God could grab them by their feet and take them to heaven. A few days later when his Dad was pulling in...

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A man is looking to buy a Canary for his wife...

A man walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, but I DO have a parakeet." The customer insists on a canary, until the shop owner informs him that a parakeet can be made to sound like a canary if one files the beak just so. "But be careful not to file t...

One of the patrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.

He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.
Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary...

I gave my pet bird a haircut and now he thinks he's James Bond

Well, I suppose he is a shorn canary

What did the canary say when his cage broke?

Cheap cheap cheap

I saw a U.F.O!!!!!

But then learned its called a canary

"Do Lemons Whistle?"

A drunk goes up to his host at a party and says with that terrible seriousness of totally plastered adults and very small children, "Excuse Me."

The host turns around and there is the drunk, just plastered and glassy eyed, completely out of it. The host thinking there is something wrong says,...

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Three women who were friends in high school have returned to their hometown to attend their 45th reunion and have lunch together. Their talk turns to their position in life, and there's a lot of one-upmanship going on.

The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanour.

The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes." and looks about with considerable pride.

The third woman says, "Well, to...

“Julie,” her mother asked, “why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?”

“Because,” Julie answered, “that’s where my canary is.”

How do you make a cat happy?

Send it to the Canary islands!

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

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Revelations during my island holidays

I've been doing some holidaying recently and through I'd share some of my discoveries.

My first trip was a week and a half in the Canary Islands.

In my whole time there I didn't find a single canary!

After that I spent a month in the Virgin Islands and you know what?

No...

Beans and bullets

Johnny wanted to play with the BB gun he found in his dad's old trunk but there weren't any BBs. He knew that his Mom and Dad would get mad if he asked them, so he went down the street to his Nana's house and asked her if she had any odd jobs he could do for money.

Being a good Nana, she as...

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