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Smells Jokes

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit’s Fingers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's vagina smells like roses....

But, Rose's is tighter...

What tastes better than it smells?

Your tongue.

What do you call a rapper that smells nice?

Post Cologne

Which German city smells the nicest?

Cologne

Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!

Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.

Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?

For example a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny.
An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gun powder for how fast the bullets come out.
And apparently shotguns smell like teen spirit

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking...

...and asks for seconds.

What's got no teeth and smells?

The gearbox in the wife's car...

What does a new Tesla car smells like?

Elon Musk

It doesn't matter how nice the soap smells..

Never let anyone see you walk out of the bathroom sniffing your fingers.

I've created a manly fragrance that smells like chicken nuggets.

I call it Pollo For Men.

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Nice Smelling Hair!

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.


After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker do...

What do you call a fairy that smells bad

Stinkerbell!

What workplace smells the most?

The ol' factory.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

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What’s between my legs and smells bad

Your mom

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My penis may not be 12 inches

....but it smells like a foot.

What’s sweaty has really tidy nails and smells like bacon

Miss piggy’s puppeteer

Smells Good

My GF gave me a beard oil that feels good an smells great. More important, she gets very turned on by the aroma. Our make out sessions are amazing.

If it works so well for kissing, I wondered what would happen if I oiled my pubes?

So I oiled up and went to visit her. Told her I had a s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit Farts..

My 7 yr. old neice told me this the other day, and I bout lost my shit..lolol

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

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I tried one of Gwenyth Paltrow's "This Smells Like My Vagina" candles.

Honestly, it just smells like Apple.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's 30' long and smells like piss?

>!The line dance at the senior home!<

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

Smells fishy to me. Not my work.

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shar...

What’s red, green, and smells?

An apple, a frog, and your nose.

It’s my cake day. Had to post something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

What's yellow, swings through the jungle, and smells of almonds?

Tarzipan

What smells the same at breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Your nose

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

Her: What is that beautiful scent you are wearing, it smells expensive

Him: it is, it's gasoline

What's quiet but smells like worms?

Bird farts.

Did you hear about the guy with erectile dysfunction who was aroused by tastes and smells?

It took a while, but he finally came to his senses.

What's runny and smells bad?

A marathon runner

A Russian cop wants to get a breathalyzer.

A Russian cop wants to get a breathalyzer like the Western cops have to deal with drunk drivers. He asks his superior for one and his superior says "Sorry comrade. We have no money."

The cop decides to go to a local black market where he buys a condom.

He stops the first driver and sa...

My unscented deodorant really smells like nothing.

That's nonsense!

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

What’s red, smells, and is often picked in the garden?

I don’t know either, but my teacher got very angry when I said nose.

Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what’s invisible and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home.

He realizes he's fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and sees muddy tracks leading to his bed.

The man groans and holds his head, knowing he's going to be in big trouble with his wife. She then e...

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