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Perfume Jokes

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woman's new perfume

A woman stepped into an elevator at Macy’s Department store after having just purchased a new perfume called Essence of Snowy Pines.



All of a sudden as she stood in the elevator; she had an unstoppable urge to fart.



Since she was alone on the elevator, she let rip a lon...

What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell?

Nonsense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got my wife’s Christmas presents, perfume and a dildo...

If she doesn’t like the perfume she can go fuck herself!

There’s a new perfume for introverts

“Leave Me the Fuh” cologne

They made a Hindenburg-scented perfume

It's called Eau De Humanitie

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.

But hell does that burn!

My wife left me because I use only one brand for my clothes, sportswear and perfumes.

Turns out she's Lacoste intolerant.

A man goes home after being at his mistress' house

However, he realized that he smelled like her perfume. So then he goes to the nearby bar, drinks a couple of glasses of whiskey and heads home.

His wife met him at the door, smelled him and told him "You dirty pig! You can pour a gallon of women perfume over yourself and I'll know that you'v...

New perfume

A public relations professional walks into a bar and orders a glass of champagne. "What's new in your world?" the bartender asks. "We're holding a gala event to launch the newest perfume by Chanel. It's made exclusively from the purest, melted and distilled midwestern snowfall," she tells the barten...

I bought a perfume that has no fragrance.

It makes no scents.

A girl enters a shop selling perfumes.

\- Excuse me, - she says. - What is this perfume?

\- That one? It's called "Flaming Kiss".

\- And that one?

\- That's "Night Embrace".

\- And this?

\- "Ecstasy".

\- Excuse me, but have you got anything for beginners?

Why do all the workers in the perfume factory look the same?

The managers cologne them.

Did you hear about the perfume factory that went bankrupt?

It just stopped making scents/sense/cents

Expensive Perfume

So, big Moira, from Glasgow, is on a weekend trip to London.

She is in an elevator in a Harrods, when two young and beautiful women get into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

Big Moira remarks, "My, what nice aromas!"

One of the women turns, looks Moira up and down...

What do you call a perfume for amphibians?

A frogrance




I just made this up. I hope you like it

If not for the last five seconds of a perfume ad,

...no one would have known it's a perfume ad.

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.


"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.


"But you're naked!"...

I told my wife that I wanted to get a new job making perfume

She replied "That makes scents."

Perfume and cologne can now be transferred via email.

They go into your scent folder.

Kim and Kanye’s kid launched a new perfume in her own name.

North—by North West.

Perfume commercials don't make sense

They sell them

Why did the absurdist lose his job at the perfume factory?

Because he didn't make any scents.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water.

Eau my God

You were expecting perfume...

But it was me, Deo!

Why did the exotic perfume salesman continue going out during lockdown?

He had no common scents

Why did the perfumer go out for a drink after work?

Because he didn't want to drink cologne.

I tried to buy something from a perfume vending machine, but it was broken.

It just had a sign on it that said "Out of Odor".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

I heard Macy's is selling this new perfume that has that "new Tesla smell"

They're calling it 'Elon Musk'.

A thief was arrested for stealing the world’s finest perfume.

It was a *fragrant violation* of the law.

I want to open a perfume store...

I'd call it: "Common Scents."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who hoard toilet paper should also be hoarding deodorant and perfume...

Because when you're a little shit, wiping yourself will not be enough to mask the stench.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sexual Mosquito

A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.
He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked on how t...

[OC] I went shopping with my wife yesterday....

She looked at lipsticks for over 30 minutes but she didn't buy any

She tried 20 kinds of perfumes but none of them were good enough

She tested 10 different kinds of mascaras but she didn't like any of them

She read the labels of all the blushes just to finally walk out empty han...

I was confused as to why my neighbor started selling empty perfume bottles...

It made no scents

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A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more c...

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

What do you call it when someone puts on too much perfume?

Eauverload.

Celebrities who release perfumes...

Have they no scents of shame?

SWEET PERFUME

A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, 'What's that smell?'
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, 'Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce." She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart. She turns to me and asks ,Wh...

Have you heard about the perfume that smells of nothing?

I think it's total non-scents.

If your man comes home late at night smelling of strange perfume...

You're probably getting perfume for Christmas.

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Somebody just threw a bottle of perfume at me

Eau fuck.

What did the Italian say when he tested his first successful skunk perfume on a volunteer?

You reek-uh!

OC- as far as I know

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A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.

The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"

The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?"
The professor is surprised, but st...

What do priests and cabbage perfumes have in common?

Lettuce spray

A lady walks into a perfumery and asks for the perfumer for his finest fragrance.

"Doobie woobie blue bop", says the perfumer.

Confused she looks around and notices that all of the bottles on the shelves are empty. "Do you keep them in the back?" she asks

"Flim flam flibidy blam", says the perfumer.

The lady sniffs the air, then looks at him strangely and as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going up?

An old woman gets on an elevator in a very lavish and posh 30 story building, when a young and beautiful woman also gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance by Ralph Lauren, $120 a bottle.”

Then another young and be...

All my life I've refused to wear perfume.

But then an aggressive perfume-salesperson knocked some scents into me.

Why did the alien pre-emptively put perfume on before boarding the human spaceship?

Because the ship had Musk written all over it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once saw a priest get hit in the face by a perfume burner during mass.

The priest was incensed.

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p...

A robber broke into a perfume store...

He raided the register and stole everything in the store, he took every last scent.

Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker?

He made no scents.

Did you hear the one about the perfume store?

I heard their manufacturing was in an ol' factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

I think with the recent success of Elon musk’s “not a flamethrower” sales he should consider moving into a different market maybe perfumes

He could call his first brand Elon’s musk

My wife got really angry when I spent a lot of money on a make-your-own perfume kit

...but it made scents to me

Why do women wear perfume and makeup?

Because they're ugly and they stink

*Shout outs to my neighbor's eight year old

A guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him 'Nice perfume, which one is it? I want to give it to my wife!'

Lady: 'Don't give her. Some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her!'

I went to the perfume store and asked the guy there, "Penny for your thoughts?"

He replied, "I'm quite sorry, sir, but I only have scents."

Did you guys hear the one about the perfume factory that went out of business?

Nevermind, it doesn't really make scents anymore

It only makes cents

Perfumer: I invested 200 dollars, but do you know how much I got back?

Person: How much?

Perfumer: Three scents.

I've been sucking up to my boss at work to get a raise, so I told her she looked nice and I liked her perfume.

She just started screaming and yelling "how'd you get in my house!?!". Now I'm in a cop car. Think I'll still get it?

A man walks into a cosmetic store and asks..

Man: How much for that funny spray that makes people smell better?

Worker: Perfume?

Man: No, per bottle would be nice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex frog

[Long]

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly l...

Not your typical response

Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.

His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh...

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.

"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another wo...

Did you hear about the person who spent over £1 million in the perfume shop?

They had more money than scents.

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