This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

WHAT DO WE WANT?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES

WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!


**NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW**

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom...

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She imme...

What do we want? Race car noises!

When do we want them?

Neeeeeooooowwwwww

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, “It’s for sound effects during sex.”


He asked, “Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?”


I replied, “No, I work in a morgue.”

What starts with F, ends in UCK, and usually means a lot of noises and excitement?

A firetruck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't rabbits make noises when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls!

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

I absolutely hate the noises that tennis players make at Wimbledon...

What a racquet!

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises.

When do we want them?

#NNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWW^WWwww

A woman hears a noise

She thinks it's and intruder and decides to call the cops. The dispatch officer asks her if she saw anything. She replies she only heard it but that she is sure someone is in her house because she can hear footsteps. The dispatch said that they would send the next available officer but that they wer...

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

A man was taken to court for making deafening noises

He lost his hearing.

The worst thing about living alone is the strange noises you hear.

It makes me think the owners are home.

What skill requires 90 percent arm strength and 10 percent groan noises

Tennis

For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.

She really wanted a hummer.

Why is the printer making so many noises?

Because the papers are jamming

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