Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

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Better than a sleeping pill

Two guys were sitting around talking and one said, "I'm really concerned, my wife wakes up at night and can't go back to sleep. I don't know how to help her". His buddy thought about it for a moment and said, "I think I have the perfect solution. My wife used to have the same problem so every...

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Accidentally mixed up my sleeping pills with my viagra.

Ended up having 40 wanks.

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Sometimes my girlfriend takes her sleeping pill, passes out and initiates sex.

We call it the reverse Cosby.

What is the Spanish word for accidentally taking a second sleeping pill?

Tambien™

Doctor, Doctor! Can I have some sleeping pills for my husband?

Doctor: Why's that?

Woman: The relsiliant twit woke up again...

My friend keeps lying about how he didn't steal my sleeping pills

Whatever helps him sleep at night.

I said to the chemist: “Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?”

He said: “Why?” I said: “She keeps waking up.”

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Sleeping Pills

A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need sleeping pills".

"Why, what's going on?", replies the doctor.

"I have these two songs constantly stuck in my head and I can't sleep! You've got to help me!", implores the man.

"Well which two songs?" asks the doctor....

I started using sleeping pills yesterday

Rest assured they worked

The blonde tip-toed near the medicine cabinet so that she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

This is not a joke, ambien serious!

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A man goes to visit his elderly father in a nursing home.

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl...

I spoke to my doctor

“Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”

The doctor responded, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”

“No, Doc. my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”

Why was the patient very angry when the nurse wake him up to take medicine?

It was sleeping pill

Love at Last!

George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter.

"Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". <...

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Being Kind Is A Weakness!

I have a very good friend. We've been friends for a long long time. His name is Bill.

So, Bill had insomnia. He hasn't slept for days. He asked me to buy some sleeping pills for him and bring them to his house. Upon reaching his house, I saw him sleeping on his bed.

So, I woke him up ...

Death has a list

Whoever is in top of the list gets visited by death and killed. One day, he knocks on a man's door and tells him, 'I've come to kill you .' The man was scared, but thinking quickly, said, ' At least come in ,have dinner, and a good night's sleep before killing me.' Death accepted, but unbeknownst...

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Can't sleep at all...

One morning a doctor received the most laggard looking patient he had ever seen. "I can't sleep", said the patient. "The dogs in the street outside my window bark all night long -- and its driving me mad!"

"There now", said the doctor soothingly. "Try using these new sleeping pills."

A...

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Brilliant One-liners

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

I used to be indecisive....

A man who can't sleep goes to his doctor.

A man goes to his doctor and says "doc, I can't sleep. I've tried everything. Sleeping pills, counting sheep, nothing works." the doctor, who's an elderly Irish man says "well I'll tell you what works for me, son." he then sings "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" and suggests the man do the s...

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[LONG][STORY][NSFW] The King's Daughter's Guards

In a land that is far from here, but not so far from there, in an ancient time that is not so long ago, there lived a king.
Now, this king had a daughter, the most beautiful young woman in the entire world. As she grew to the age when suitors started appearing, the king grew paranoid that she w...

The neighbor's dog always made Johnny wake up at night...

All the barking made having a good night's rest difficult. It came to a point that having little sleep affected his performance at work. Once he was caught by his boss drooling on the keyboard.

Johnny went to the doctor and explained his situation.

"Here's some sleeping pills. That oug...

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