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Sleeping Pills Jokes

I asked my mom if I can have some of her sleeping pills?

She said

Sure, knock yourself out

Death: Jack! Your time is up. I'll take you now.

Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do.

Death: Oh no, you're the first on the list to die.

Jack: Alright, I'll finish what I'm doing first. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. And after I'm done, we can leave.

(Jack put sleeping pills in the coffee an...

I don't think my doctor likes me very much. I told him I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills

He told me to go home and have a few drinks to relax!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sleeping Pills

A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need sleeping pills".

"Why, what's going on?", replies the doctor.

"I have these two songs constantly stuck in my head and I can't sleep! You've got to help me!", implores the man.

"Well which two songs?" asks the doctor....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidentally mixed up my Viagra pills with my sleeping pills.

Ended up having 40 wanks.

I started using sleeping pills yesterday

Rest assured they worked

One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.

Guy: But I'm not ready!

Death said, "Well today your name is the first on my list."

Guy: Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go?

Death: All right.

The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it. Death finished COFFEE and fell...

Who needs a border wall when you have Tranqs and Sleeping pills

Dart em’ and ship em’ to Montana. They’ll just wake up and go to Canada.

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

Doctor, Doctor! Can I have some sleeping pills for my husband?

Doctor: Why's that?

Woman: The relsiliant twit woke up again...

I said to the chemist: “Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?”

He said: “Why?” I said: “She keeps waking up.”

My friend keeps lying about how he didn't steal my sleeping pills

Whatever helps him sleep at night.

Don’t ever take sleeping pills and laxatives at the same time...

Because if you do, you’ll sleep like a baby...

Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

Sleep

An exhausted blonde dragged herself to the doctor's office.

“Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood," she said."They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep.""

“I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills," said the doctor."A few of these and your troubles w...

Why did the man tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

Because he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills

My roommate was mad I woke him up at 3am but he forgot something important

He hadn't taken his sleeping pills.

What's the best gift to get a "woke" person...?



Sleeping pills...

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.


Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".


Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

Death has a list

Whoever is in top of the list gets visited by death and killed. One day, he knocks on a man's door and tells him, 'I've come to kill you .' The man was scared, but thinking quickly, said, ' At least come in ,have dinner, and a good night's sleep before killing me.' Death accepted, but unbeknownst...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being Kind Is A Weakness!

I have a very good friend. We've been friends for a long long time. His name is Bill.

So, Bill had insomnia. He hasn't slept for days. He asked me to buy some sleeping pills for him and bring them to his house. Upon reaching his house, I saw him sleeping on his bed.

So, I woke him up ...

The neighbor's dog always made Johnny wake up at night...

All the barking made having a good night's rest difficult. It came to a point that having little sleep affected his performance at work. Once he was caught by his boss drooling on the keyboard.

Johnny went to the doctor and explained his situation.

"Here's some sleeping pills. That oug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can't sleep at all...

One morning a doctor received the most laggard looking patient he had ever seen. "I can't sleep", said the patient. "The dogs in the street outside my window bark all night long -- and its driving me mad!"

"There now", said the doctor soothingly. "Try using these new sleeping pills."

A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

A man who can't sleep goes to his doctor.

A man goes to his doctor and says "doc, I can't sleep. I've tried everything. Sleeping pills, counting sheep, nothing works." the doctor, who's an elderly Irish man says "well I'll tell you what works for me, son." he then sings "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" and suggests the man do the s...

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