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Sleeping Bag Jokes

You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?

It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.

A priest and a nun in a desert cabin

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.

They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the...

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky.

Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, “Watson, what do you see?”
“Stars and the moon, dear Holmes,” he says.
“What does it mean?” Sherlock asks.
“Well,” says Watson. “It quite simply means that there are billions of gaseous balls burning millions of light years away.”
“No, what does it MEAN...

If I sleep in a sleeping bag...

Is it a knapsack?

What did one sleeping bag say to the other?







Damn!



Last night was intense.

how does a bear see a person in a sleeping bag

Soft taco

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I hate having sex in a sleeping bag, it’s too tight, you get really sweaty...

and it’s hard to breathe because your scout leader’s hand is covering your mouth

Camping with my uncircumcised friend and he didn’t bring a sleeping bag, lol he’s gonna freeze tn

Edit: oh god wait what is he doing

Girls are a lot like sleeping bags.

I really like being inside them, and they cost about $200.

I was out camping one night just laying down in my sleeping bag and looking up at the stars wondering....

Where the hell is my tent?

Holmes and Watson are out camping in the woods one night

As they're looking up at the night sky, Holmes asks, "Doctor, what do you think when you look at the night sky?"

Watson replied, "Well, sir, I first imagine all the stars I can see, and all the emptiness between them. It really brings home our insignificance in the grand scheme of the univer...

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A priest and a nun were hiking to a monastery...

... high up a mountain. Halfway to their destination, a snowstorm slowly started. They discovered an old wooden cabin and decided to take shelter.

Inside there was only one bunk, but also a sleeping bag. So, as a man, the priest decided to let the nun have the bunk while sleeping in the sleep...

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hippies don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags

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Paddy and Murphy are walking down the canal...

...when they see their friend Seamus being eaten by a crocodile, his face showing every time the jaws snap open and shut.

"Look at that show off," Paddy says, "in his new Lacoste sleeping bag."

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A luxury airplane is flying over Europe, carrying five passengers: representatives from England, Japan, USA, Canada, and Russia.

The pilot emerges from the cockpit, interrupting their conversation. "Slowly but surely, we are falling. I will attempt to crash-land as smoothly as possible, but I urge you to jump out with a parachute."

After briefly explaining how to use the parachutes, the pilot goes back to the controls....

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping.

As they lay down in their sleeping bags, Sherlock calls out to Watson and says 'The stars are quite visible this evening. What do you think that means?'

Watson replies, 'Well, I think it means that there's a whole universe out there that remains unexplored and filled with mysteries and world...

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Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

I put as much effort into life...

As the guy who named the sleeping bag

Moose Hunt

Two Moose hunters named Stosh and Thad hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters objected, ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson decide to go camping.

They pack their camping gear into the car and drive into the countryside. After a long drive and a light dinner they pitch their tent, climb inside, and are soon fast asleep in their sleeping bags.

In the middle of the night Sherlock shakes Watson awake. He points to the full moon and says, "...

A group of charity workers are sent to africa to see how their program is working.

They are walking down a street and see a crocodile with mans head in its mouth. When they get home and are asked about how their trip went one of them says "we can cut all funding, they got Lacoste sleeping bags"

My personal trainer was giving me advice.

He said, "You have to have a life outside the gym."

I was so offended that I walked out with my sleeping bag.

Three friends, Matt, Mike, and Mark, spend the night in a haunted mansion.

They bring flashlights and sleeping bags, ready for a fun, albeit spooky, night. Lo and behold, a man-eating ghost is awakened by the children's rumblings. One by one, the children are eaten whole. The first to go is Matt, unceremoniously pulled from his sleeping bag. The next is Mike, dragged from ...

Two men have been selected for an expedition to the North Pole

Their names are George Bernard and William Briggs. On this journey they’ve been given a state of the art ship to cross through iceberg laden waters unscathed and plenty of supplies for the trip. On the 20th of December George and William set off on their expedition. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the...

A man and his smart aleck child went camping

They set up their tent, and after a long day, they prepared to go to bed

As they lay down on their sleeping bag, the father asked his son: “What do you see?”

The son replied: “I see the big dipper that consists of the seven stars of the Ursa Major, I see the constellation of Cancer, wh...

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I tried translating a Norwegian joke I heard from my uncle

Two northeners , Martinus and Bjørnar are camping together in the winter... They spend a lot of time together and then they go to bed in their sleeping bags..

They lie there for a while before Martinus says to Bjørnar: "Are you jerking off?" Bjørnar replies: "No I am not"

He says again...

A boy in egypt collects water at the nile

A crocodile sees this boy and slowly swims to the boy. The boy notices the crocodile to late and tries running away. He trips over a root and falls. The crocodile swallows him trying to devour him completely. As the boy is almost completely within the crocodile with only his head is sticking out, a ...

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Paddy and Murphy

Paddy and Murphy are sitting by a river in the jungle when they spot someone's head sticking out of a crocodile's mouth. Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Look at that posh bastard in his Lacoste sleeping bag!"

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2 ants

Two ants meet at the navel of a beautiful sunbathing woman.
They decide that one will explore the area to the north and the other one will go south.
A day later they meet at the navel again.
The ant who explored the north starts to talk about his journey excitedly: "It was awesome! Tw...

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were going camping.

They set up their tent, started a campfire, and laid down their sleeping bags inside of the tent. After a few hours of playing cards and joking by the fire, they extinguished the fire and went to sleep. Holmes awoke Watson in the middle of the night and they looked up at the starry night sky.
...

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What did the Ethiopian Government say when the United States sent over 1 million condoms to promote safe sex?

Thanks for the sleeping bags

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Lightbulb joke compilation

The r/lightbulbjoke subreddit is garbage and I like lightbulb jokes. Please help me build my lightbulb joke collection. (Formatting is not being nice.)


What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

How many hipsters does it take to...

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Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

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3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

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One day I was camping.

I had never been camping before, and didn't know too much about it. After a day of hiking and eating trail mix, I was exhausted. As I laid in my sleeping bag, I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. I was about to go outside, when I heard a noise. I figured it could be a dangerous animal, so I decide...

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A hunting story.

So three buddies were on a hunting trip in the mountains. It had been an exhausting trip but they had managed to kill a couple of dear and were back at their campsite late at night. One of them was facing the dilemma of answering nature's call or just simply crashing into his sleeping bag for the ni...

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Three army officers decide to camp near their base for a night...

There hiking up a hill when a massive storm rolls in, they need shelter, luckily for them they find a small, super run down, old, musty, cabin.

They enter the cabin, and it’s a disaster...

Everything is overturned, animals had clearly screwed the place.

But the storm was inten...

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Little Johnny goes camping

Little Johnny's Second Grade class is going camping for a class field trip. As nighttime comes, all the children get set up in their tents and get ready to fall asleep. A few hours go by, a storm approaches and thunder begins clapping, and little Johnny can't seem to sleep. Little Johnny gets out of...

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