Why did the vulture check his baggage at the airport?

He wasn't allowed any carrion

A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, “Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?”

The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

I hired a specialist aviation lawyer to deal with a dispute I had with an airport baggage handler.

He lost my case.

A Russian, an American and a Vietnamese were on a private plane together.

At 10,000 feet, the plane started encountering some problems and the pilot announced: "Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are running out of fuel, we will need to throw our baggage away to reduce the weight if we wish to land safely!"

He then opened the door and asked the passengers to begin letting go...

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I just told my suitcases that we're not going on holiday this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

My short lived lawsuit against the airport baggage claim was thrown out

They made another brief case disappear

Telling your suitcase there’s going to be no vacation this year can be tough,

Emotional baggage is the worst.

I called my ex Delta

Because they had the same amount of baggage as the airline.

I had to break it to my luggage that there'd be no vacation this year ...

... and now I have to deal with a lot of emotional baggage.

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.

Now it doesn't even include your flight!

A photon checks in at the airport for his flight. The ticket attendant asks him if he has any baggage to check, and the photon says, "No..."

"....I'm travelling light!"

All my jokes are lost baggage...

You'll get them in a couple days

When checking in for his flight, the wedge-tailed eagle was asked: Would you like to check some baggage or purchase an in-flight meal?

The eagle replied: No thanks. I'll just have my carrion.

In his job, my dad's never lost a case.

That makes him Heathrow's top baggage handler.

I turned myself in to TSA today for past issues with my mom

I apparently misunderstood what they meant by unattended baggage

What do airports and single parents have in common?

You need to tend to your baggage at all times.

I’m the Southwest Airlines of men.

Baggage is included.

My suitcase started crying when I picked it up.

I was carrying emotional baggage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I believe every therapist deserves full flight benefits with any airline.

They carry so much baggage.

So my girlfriend hurriedly left me for another man halfway across the world...

... and in her rush she left behind all of her baggage

What is empty and spins round and round?

A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

A Man throws a stick

The stick lands on a car, the dog follows it.

The car goes to JFK airport, the dog follows it. 'Come back!' Yelled the man, but to no avail.

The stick lands in baggage, the dog goes into another baggage in hopes of finding the stick.

The respective owners of the baggages are bot...

A pilot finds a solution

A man in his early 60’s has been a pilot for over 30 years. Between his flights, he usually enjoys a warm cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

One day, as he is reading the news, he stumbles across an article that immediately catches his attention. The headline of the article says:
<...

I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport,

boy she has a lot of baggage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

...

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven.

When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell.

Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan.

In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: "Stay here, I will send two little demo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a pilot's therapist?

A baggage handler.

I could never date a suitcase

Just too much baggage for me I guess

A Photon checks in at an airline front counter. Agent says...

Sir, do you have any checked baggage?'

Photon replies, 'No, I'm travelling light.'

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

Airline Prices

Airline prices are getting out of control, soon they will start charging for emotional baggage. "Where did he touch you as a kid? that will be an extra $50."

Why do vultures find it easy to fly?

They only ever have carrion baggage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are moving cross country. FedEx agrees to fly all your belongings over. During the flight the plane is unable to maintain lift.

The pilot asks you to lose some baggage. What do you lose ?

The fridge.

Why ?

Cause it's heavy. Why is the fridge heavy ?

Cause it has a fucking giraffe in it.

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