A British ship is sinking.

The radio operator is sending out a distress call saying "Mayday, mayday we are sinking. Please help."

A few kilometers away, a German ship hears the call, and the radio operator, who doesn't speak English very well and is new on the job, answers

"uh hello, we hear you. Um, what are y...

The ice floe felt really bad about sinking the Titanic...

...it was A Nice Berg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

An American coastguard strikes a rock and begins to sink...

The only other vessel nearby was a German coastguard. The Americans contacted the Germans: "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! We're sinking!"

To which the Germans respond: "Zis is the German coastguard, what are you sinking about?"

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Whale joke

A male and female whale were swimming in an ocean. They noticed a whaling ship sailing nearby. The male whale told the female whale: "This is the same ship that was used to kill my dad."

Then he proceeded to say: "I have a plan. Let's swim right below the ship, and use our blowholes at once. ...

An American ship is sending out a distress signal, "HELP, we are sinking!"

German ship radios back in "What are you sinking about?"

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they're rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can't find any m...

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

I used to really love the United States, but I gradually tired of the decadence it was sinking into. I packed my stuff and moved somewhere else.

Now I'm an expatriot.

Two guys were in a kayak when it got chilly

One of them lit a small fire in the back and it ended up sinking

Yep, you can’t have your Kayak and heat it too

What do you call 1,000 lawyers on a sinking boat

A good start

What do you call a south american ship full of condiments thats sinking?

Sinko de mayo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, rabbi, and a preacher are all on a sinking ship

Rabbi: we have to get off the ship!

Preacher: we have to save the kids first!

Rabbi: fuck the kids!

Priest: do we have time?

A priest, a rabbi and a monk are on a sinking cruise ship.

The rabbi says, "We should save the kids!"

The monk says, "Screw the kids!"

The priest asks the monk, "Do we really have time?"

(Sorry if you heard this before, a friend told me it)

TIL the sinking of the Titanic is commemorated in Mexico.

Otherwise known as Sink-o de Mayo.

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion sinking in a pool of quicksand

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

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Anybody ever heard of those Viagra pills?

I heard they were sinking a crate of the stuff down to the Titanic to try and raise it.

What do you call 4 mexicans sinking in quick sand?

cuatro cinco

An old man, Moses and Jesus are playing golf.

It’s Moses turn and he whacks the ball towards a lake. Just before the ball sinks into the lake, the waters part and the ball goes all the way to the green on the other side.

Next up is Jesus. He whacks the ball and it also goes towards the lake. Just when it’s about to sink the ball goes ove...

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

PLEASE HELP US! WE ARE SINKING

Hello this is german coast gaurd. What are you sinking about?

Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Sinking American ship: Mayday mayday, we are sinking. Is anyone there?

German coast guard: Hello, this is ze German coast guard. Ship: We are sinking, I repeat, we are sinking. German coast guard: Wot are you thinking about?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother sharks and her offspring were swimming one day when they came upon a sinking ship.

Mother shark saw the humans abandoning ship. Once the ship sank, she instructed her offspring, "Follow my lead. We're going to swim in circles around the humans". The little sharks, their hunger already growing, were excited. One asked, "Can we eat them now?" Mother replied, "Not yet, dear. Just fol...

I was just outside Kiel when my boat hit a rock.

I radio the German Coastguard to inform them, "Mayday, mayday, mayday, we are sinking."

It was less than 3 seconds before the reply came through. "Ok, vat are you zinking about zat is so important to declare a mayday?"

A poem, with a title at the end

Darkness, silence, cool serene morning
Daybreak not yet piercing the shades
Crackling, popping, cut through the nothing
Shoulders tense, poised for responding
Electricity in fibers, pushing up against gravity
Hands sinking inward, but head rising lightly
Head tossed sideways and ey...

An english boat is sinking near the German coast

The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".

The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she kill...

A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.

They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.

The doctor exclaims “Save the children!” And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.

The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating “Screw the children!”

The priest says “Do we ...

English navy ship is sinking...

They are sending message on the radio: "MAY DAY, MAY DAY!! WE ARE SINKING!"
A German ship hears their message and responds: " Zis is German Navy Ship. What are you sinking about?"

Were those peace times or war times, I cannot tell... either way it's funny :)

You know why it’s women and children first off of a sinking ship?

It’s so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution.

Camel Joke

A young camel asks his mother
“Why do I have a big hump on my back”
The mother replies
“You use it to store water when your in the desert”
“That’s cool” says the young camel “ And why do I have these big hooves”
The mother answers “Your hooves stop you from sinking in the quicksand w...

A British ship is sinking in the north sea and calls the nearest coast guard station.

The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. A minute passes and they get a response....Vell, vat are you sinking about?

A British ship was sinking.

It was the first day of an employee of the German boat central. After a while he received a emergency call from a British ship.

"We are sinking, i repeat, we are sinking!"

The German replied:
"What are you thinking about?"

what do you call 4 mexicans in a sinking boat?

quatro cinqo

^im sorry

"Mayday mayday, we are sinking"

German coastguard:

"What are you thzinkin' about?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking with his camel in the desert and he was so horny

so he decided to fuck the camel so he tried to put his dick in the camel but the camel moved it’s ass left and right so he couldn’t , so he decided to keep going with the camel in the desert until he heard a scream for help he went there and found a very hot woman sinking in quick sand so he saved h...

I love my wife so much...

I love my wife so much, that if we were on a sinking ship with only one life vest, I would miss her very much and think of her a lot.

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