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Slips Jokes

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A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.

His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband. She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked. “Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seduct...

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Freudian slips

Jeff and Bob were talking about Freudian slips

Jeff: Man I was trying to order two tickets to Pittsburgh from this big breasted woman and accidentally said "Two pickets to Tittsburgh!" I was mortified.

Bob: Oh, that's nothing. I tried to ask my wife Karen to pass the salt at dinner th...

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My therapist said my Freudian slips make her uncomfortable

Boy, if I had a nipple for every time I've been told that...

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Freudian Slips

2 construction workers are standing at the pub. One of them says, 'Oh man, I made the worst freudian slip the other day!' The other one says, 'Why? What happened?' The first man says, 'I was buying a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but the woman working the ticket stall had big boobs. I was going to say...

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Freudian slip

Two dudes were discussing psychology and Freudian slips.

The first dude said, “ I went shoe shopping the other day. The lady who was helping me had a huge rack. Her tiny blouse was revealing. When she asked me what I was looking for I told her a pair of boobs. I was embarrassed becaus...

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Freudian slips

A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says "Hey Doc, you know how we have been talking about Freudian slips? " "Well, I had the most amazing one last night". I was eating dinner with my wife, and I meant to say "would you please pass the salt dear?". But instead, I said "You God damn bitc...

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men know where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you to do you? This is my seat after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! ...

You don’t hear much about nip slips anymore.

They’re falling out of fashion.

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Two psychiatrists were having lunch and talking about Freudian slips.

Shrink 1: Let me tell you about my Freudian slip when I ate dinner with my mother last night.

Shrink 2: Ooh yes, tell me.

Shrink 1: I meant to say, "Mom, please pass the salt "

Shrink 2: Yes, yes, what did you say instead?

Shrink 1: Well, I meant to say "Mom, please p...

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What's a Freudian slip?

Two old men are playing a round of golf. One says, "in my old age, I find myself making more Freudian slips." The other says "what's a Freudian slip"?

The first man says, "is when you intend to say one thing, but actually say what you were really thinking. Like the other day, I had a new secr...

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What Rhymes with “Freudian slips”?

“My mother’s tits”, oh shit I meant to say paper clips

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What does a sexy Dalek scream as it slips into 'something more comfortable?'

*"ACCENTUATE!!"*

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Ahhh… Freudian slips...

A: How many Freudian psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

B:I dunno, how many does it take?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to hold the penis … I mean ladder! One to hold the ladder!

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

I Hate Making Freudian Slips

When you say one thing, but mean the mother.

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The problem with Freudian slips

Two men were sitting around chatting, when the topic of slips of the tongue came up.

The first man said: "The other day I was at the airport, and the girl at the desk was a gorgeous redhead with a D-cup in a *very* tight sweater. What I meant to say was: I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh. Wh...

Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.

"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"

-- "Yes, I'm alive."

"Did you break your legs?"

-- "No, my legs are fine."

"Did you break your arms?

-- "No, they're OK."

"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"

-- "I can't."

"Why not?"

-- ...

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Australian Guy on honeymoon and his Wife slips and damages her pussy.

He calls his mate and explains what has happened, his mate says bummer mate, he replies fucking hell Bruce didn't think of that I owe you a beer.

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What does a fruit fetishist and a guy who slips on a sidewalk have in common?

"Fucking banana peels!!"

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A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly...

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My pencil isn’t prone to making Freudian Slips

but my penis

What do you call it when a car slips and falls?

A road trip

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Nick had always wanted to own a motorcycle, which is why he leapt at the chance when a friend of a friend was selling his bike

The bike, despite being old, was in immaculate condition.

"How do you keep it so pristine?" asks Nick.

"Oh, it's easy! Any time it's about to rain, I just coat the body with vaseline, and the rain and mud just slips right off! Here, I'm not going to need it anymore, why don't you take ...

An Aussie and a Maori walk into a bakery.

...The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, "Pretty slick aye, bro? The owner didn't even see me."

Unimpressed, the Maori replies, "Typical dishonest Aussie, bro. I'm gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result."

T...

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Freudian Slip

A guy is talking with his buddy and says I've been making alot of Freudian slips lately. The other day I was at the train station and there was a beautiful woman behind the ticket window with huge breasts. Instead of asking for a ticket to Pittsburgh I asked for a picket to Tittsburg.

Wow, sa...

Sisters

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.

Soon, he sees another sign tha...

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It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

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Freudian slips

Are just a figment of peoples ejaculation.

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Freudian Slip (possibly NSFW)

Two friends were chatting it up, as friends often do, when one brings up Freudian Slips. He says, ”The craziest thing happened to me the other day. I was going to the big game with my son, and we finally got up to the ticket window. You would not believe the size of the tits on the lady working the ...

A man working at a coffee manufacturing plant slips and falls into a vat of boiling hot coffee.

Friend: I can only imagine it was a slow death.
Wife: no. It was instant.

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A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn’t know if he’s going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son’s sake.

The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard on. Out of nowhere a beautiful nurse's aide walks in, bends over & blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone with his son and says, "Son, I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home....

A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue.

" Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"

I like my memes the way I like my freudian slips

Send dudes

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A guy walks into a bar and slips on a huge pile of dog shit.

He gets up and goes to the bartender to tell him about the mess. Meanwhile another guy walks into the bar and slips on the same pile of shit.



The first guy walks over and points at the mess and says "I JUST did that"...he woke up a few seconds later with a black eye.

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2 men are talking about Freudian slips...

... one says to the other, "I made the worst Freudian slip the other day. I was trying to buy train tickets from this beautiful female conductor. She had these really huge breasts, so I meant to say 'I would like two tickets to Pittsburgh', but instead I said, 'I would like two pickets to Titsburgh....

Freudian Slip

One day there was a priest sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look, and a another priest saw him and wondered what was wrong.

The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached his distraught associate and asked him what was wrong. "Well" the first priest said, ...

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

Three Rednecks were working on a Cell Phone pole: Cooter, Pete and KC. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty g...

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