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Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

I had a friend who almost died from eating Mountain Oysters.

The bull must've drug him a mile.

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What’s the difference between an epileptic guy preparing oysters and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits...

Why does everybody hate oysters?

Cause they are shellfish.

I heard oysters were an effective aphrodisiac, so I ate a dozen.

Only four of them worked.

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

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Just saw a guy buying all the crab, lobster, shrimp, and oysters from my local supermarket while others were left without any and I couldn't help but think..

...You shellfish bastard.

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Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”...

Son: I just found out what Rocky mountain oysters are

Dad: I know, it's nuts

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What's worse than eating 10 oysters out of your grandma's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 8!

Why won't any sea creatures date oysters?

Rumour has it they're shellfish lovers.

How do oysters get around?

In mussel cars.

I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

Restaurant owner warns his employee: "one must open oysters carefully"...

The employee answers: "no shucking fit!"

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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[NSFW] What's the definition of disgusting?

Ramming five raw oysters up your grandma's pussy,
and sucking out six.

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Free food isn't always the best

Tiffany and her coworkers are all servers and busboys at a busy seafood restaurant. Most of the food is higher end, and the plates can be pricey. The staff sees no problem with cleaning up the patrons' scraps, because they graze the leftovers at the same time.

A regular, Charlie, a man in h...

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The Cruise Joke

A man and his girlfriend are on a cruise, and, one night, the man shows her a ring and asks:

"Darling, will you marry me?"

The girl, who wanted a true demonstration of love, threw the ring into the ocean, and then said:

"If you find it, I'll marry you"

The man, desperatel...

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

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