UPJOKE
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Two prawns...

..Justin and Kristian were swimming around in the ocean, continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being ea...

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

I went out to a seafood restaurant the other day

My friend ate all the prawns. Rather shellfish of him.

Two prawns, named Christian and Terry are off on their morning swim.

Soon they discover a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wish ...

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Two prawns named Christian and Jason are swimming together on a reef

Being near the bottom of the food chain, both are in danger of being eaten and are constantly scared of any larger fish. Christian loves his life despite the odds, but Jason is unhappy. He wishes to no longer be scared. "Wouldn't it be great if we were the top of the food chain?" Jason says, "imagin...

A prawn walks into a bar with friends, and only orders a beer for himself.

Bartender says, “a little shellfish, aren’t you?”.

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Simon the prawn is sick of being chased by the other creatures in the lagoon.

He prays to god to make him into a fierce shark and turn the tables on his enemies.


The next day simon has been turned into a Great white shark and has great fun chasing all his enemies round, but soon starts to enjoy bullying all the other creatures too.

After a few days the no...

The Prawns

Christian and Fletcher were two prawns living in the ocean swimming about in their daily lives when one day they see a shark and full of fear they run off to hide. Fletcher says I wish I was a shark it sux being a scared little prawn if I was a shark I wouldn’t fear anything. Christian says well the...

Why didn’t the prawn share his dessert?

The piece of shrimp was shellfish!

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A man walks into a prawn shop

and says to the owner, "I've been interested in picking up the bass. What do you have in stock?"

The owner hands him a fresh fish.

Two prawns are in the ocean discussing their hatred and fear of sharks

One prawn is called George and the other is called Christian. One day while discussing their fear of sharks, a nearby cod overhears them and swims over to talk to them. The cod promises to grant George one wish. George decides he wants to be a shark, so wishes to become a shark. The cod grants Georg...

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Some people are like prawn.

No guts, no spine, and a head full of shit.

There were two prawns named Trent and Christian

One day these prawns found a magical rainbow cod, with the power to grant wishes. As Trent found the cod first the cod granted him one wish.

Trent was tired of being a prawn so he wished to be a shark. "Your wish is granted", said the cod. Trent was thrilled with the possibilities of a life a...

Why did the prawn leave the night club early?

Because he pulled a muscle.


Saw this outside my local fishmongers.

So there were two prawns called Peter and Christian...

One day Peter said to his best friend Christian "I don't want to be a Prawn anymore, I want to be something else. I want to be a shark!"

Christan asked why and Peter said he wanted to explore the ocean and that a Prawn was too small and would be eaten. While he was explaining a cod apeared ...

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The Prawns

Robert and Christian were two prawns, the best of friends, who spent their lives swimming in the ocean. One day they found a bottle and managed to pull out the cork. And an underwater genie emerged.

"For freeing me from the bottle I'll grant ONE of you two wishes...."

The two prawns ta...

What do you call an adult film made under the sea?

A prawn

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My Japanese colleague got really angry today after losing his battered prawns.

He really lost his tempura.

Why don't prawns give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

What do you call a shrimp that always gets injured?

Accident prawn.

Did you hear about the shellfish that couldn't breathe?

He had prawn-chitis.

Fishmonger job

I’ve just been offered a job as a fishmonger, but I’m not sure if I'll accept it or not.

I’ll need to weigh up the frozen prawns.

What do you call a store where you negotiate for off-the-book shrimp transactions?

A Prawn Shop


(I know, I know, it's a dumb one but it made me laugh)

Bewar this chinese takeaway

Hate to do this about a family run restaurant, but feel you deserve to know. ** Be aware **
We ordered a Chinese takeaway from this place (we won't name them while its being investigated) we went to pick it up and as we were driving home, we heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
We thought ...

A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh prawns

A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh prawns, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window.

After he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, "Would you mind not doing that? It"s disgusting to watch.". "Listen love." He...

Where do you go to buy and sell shrimp?

The Prawn shop

A man goes into a lumberyard for a Job interview.

The manager was impessed with his application, and called him in for an interview. The manager decides to put a blindfold on the man to test his knowledge...

The manager places a length of pine on the table, lets the applicant touch and smell it. Correctly the applicant calls it pine.
...

I once saw a Shrimp finish third in the Olympics...

They gave him the Prawns Medal

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What did the shrimp do when he was horny?

He went to a prawn site.

Hi everyone, if you know someone who has animals to give up for adoption, tell them to contact me before Christmas.

I'm interested in:
Turkeys, chickens, snappers, bream, lobsters, prawns and lobsters.
Thanks

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A bad smell follows the bastard

A woman came home from work one day, and her husband of fifteen years had a rather dramatic message for her: he wanted a divorce.

Understandably, she was quite devastated by the news, and to make matters worse he demanded she move out of their home before the end of the month. He offered her ...

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What do fish do when they feel horny?

They watch prawn.

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A little boy goes into the kitchen

And says to his mother, "Nan's got a prawn in the front room".

Confused, his mother pokes her head around the door to find the grandmother asleep, legs fallen wide with no underwear on.

She turns around to the boy and says, "Oh honey, that's not a prawn, that's called a clitoris" ...

Why was the teenage crustacean upset?

He couldn't find a date for his high school prawn.

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Two pathologists are in a morgue...

...one says to the other,

"Hey, you know the blonde stiff in container C-06?"

"Yeah?" the other replies.

"Well, there's a prawn in between her legs."

"What?!"

"Yes, I swear!"

"Bullshit, show me."

The pathologist leads the other to the container, pulls...

I made my girlfriend dinner to cheer her up after her abortion

The selfish cow didn't even touch her king prawn in red wine sauce

What do shrimp wear in the kitchen?

A-prawns

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My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

What kind of online videos do fish love to watch?

Hardcore prawn

Recent studies have shown that several species of shrimp have randomly died while migrating to other seas or oceans

I guess they were accident prawn

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A Divorce Letter (..XP)

My Dear husband: I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you.
I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last we...

What's a teenage fish's favorite website?

Prawn Hub

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