UPJOKE
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How do you treat a shoplifter with a belly ache?

Kleptobismal.

I got the 'Best Shoplifter Award' the other day!

I didn't win it though.

Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

Whe...

Despite not being a shoplifter, I know what goes through their heads.

"I'm not buying it."

Grover the Grocer and the Shoplifter

Grover the grocer ran a comfortable business, with one recurring malady--a persistent shoplifter named Gwen. Grover knew she was robbing him blind, but couldn't seem to catch her in the act.

This continued for quite a number of years until, as fortune would have it, one day he caught her redh...

I gotta say I'm impressed with shoplifters

Those are heavy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do old people and shoplifters have in common?

They both leave stores with more shit in their pants than they came in with.

It's hard to explain puns to shoplifters.

They always take things literally.

Several shoplifters detained today, including a woman who stole a vibrator

Why do they do it - is it just for the buzz....

Shoplifters

I was at Target yesterday and LP caught some man lifting a calendar..

..he got 12 months.

Breaking News

Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.

Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.

- RIP Ronnie Corbett.

The priceless moments of my LIFE.

\~a shoplifter

I just got a ladder in my tights.

I truly am a talented shoplifter

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