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Sardine Jokes

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What’s that?

— Just a can of people.

A cod leaned into a sardine at a bar.

"I've got something to tell you, but you can't tell a sole."

What do Popeye and sardines have in common?

They both come in olive oil.

The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.

Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.

Joke My Grandfather told me today

So a Mans Wife would lock him out of the house every night when he came home drunk, and she would always smell his breath through the key hole. After a couple of bad days at work the man decides to revisit the bar thinking he can fool his wife so after he gets done drinking he stops by the local sup...

The oceans are really polluted nowdays.

Last time I bought sardines, they were dead and covered in oil.

A man returns home with flavoured condoms

like strawberry, chocolate etc...
He tells his wife "lets try them in a special way. we gonna turn off the lights and you will have to guess the flavour we are using"
His wife is a little astonished but she is like "yeah why not, might be fun" so they turn off the lights and start. the wife sa...

Two sharks are swimming in the sea...

One shark sees a school of sardines, and says "bro you hungry?" and the other shark says "nah, I'm good. You go for it." So the first shark swims right into the sardines, and nom-nom-noms on hundreds of the little fishes. Minutes later, the shark curls up in pain. "Oooh, aaaagh, uuuurgh...." the sec...

He: I'm gonna eat you when I come home.

She: I have sardines with tomato juice.

He: You didn't understand me.

She: Neither did you.

He texts her:

"I can't wait to come over tonight. I'm gonna eat you out!". . . She replies: " I have sardines in red sauce" . . . . . . . > He texts back: " I don't think you get it". . . She: " I don't think you get it either".

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A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

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A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

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Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

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