A cod leaned into a sardine at a bar.

"I've got something to tell you, but you can't tell a sole."

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What’s that?

— Just a can of people.

What do Popeye and sardines have in common?

They both come in olive oil.

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Ways to murder English

The following below are ways people kill English daily...

1. Don't dare talk in front of my back.

2. Stop making noise like empty sardine tins of milk.

3. Take 5cm wire of my length.

4. All of you stand in a straight circle.

5. Be quiet, the principal is just passi...

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A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

The oceans are really polluted nowdays.

Last time I bought sardines, they were dead and covered in oil.

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A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

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Veteran Survives Torture

After many years in captivity in enemy territory, Lt. Victor Danforth returns to home to much fanfare. After his return he is interviewed by journalists on national tv.


"Lt. Victor. You were endlessly tortured by the enemy, but you held out. How did you do it?"

"I'm sure there wa...

Bad habits, Dirty.

A woman was tired of her husband coming home drunk late every night so she got clever and made a new rule for him. When the man would stumble to the front door she would say”blow through the key hole so I know if you’re drunk or not, and if so I’m not letting you in.” Well a week goes by of this ne...

He: I'm gonna eat you when I come home.

She: I have sardines with tomato juice.

He: You didn't understand me.

She: Neither did you.

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

A man returns home with flavoured condoms

like strawberry, chocolate etc...
He tells his wife "lets try them in a special way. we gonna turn off the lights and you will have to guess the flavour we are using"
His wife is a little astonished but she is like "yeah why not, might be fun" so they turn off the lights and start. the wife sa...

Two sharks are swimming in the sea...

One shark sees a school of sardines, and says "bro you hungry?" and the other shark says "nah, I'm good. You go for it." So the first shark swims right into the sardines, and nom-nom-noms on hundreds of the little fishes. Minutes later, the shark curls up in pain. "Oooh, aaaagh, uuuurgh...." the sec...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

He texts her:

"I can't wait to come over tonight. I'm gonna eat you out!". . . She replies: " I have sardines in red sauce" . . . . . . . > He texts back: " I don't think you get it". . . She: " I don't think you get it either".

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