Q: why are reptiles so good at playing the piano??

A: because they really know their scales!!

God damn reptiles constantly stirring people up...

but what can you expect from all these insti-gators...

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

According to latest news the current Governor of Florida used to own and run his own alligator farm. So not only does he have experience with horrible scaly reptiles

he's also worked with alligators too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You should never have sex with reptiles

You really don't want to contract gator AIDS. Horrible disease.

Two reptiles were in a lake one day

one asks:"dude, can I hold your hand please?"


The other responds:"I dunno, seems kinda cayman"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two reptiles having sex?

Skinky.

Why do reptiles have so many scales?

Because they're paranoid about their weight.

Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?

Reptiles require sunlight.

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

Three men walk into a bar...

Three men walk into a bar and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder. The second man is holding a cat, but not wearing any pants. The third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal with the iguan...

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

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