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Reptiles Jokes

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

Did you know most reptiles can tell exactly what you weigh just by looking at you?

They have built in scales

Q: why are reptiles so good at playing the piano??

A: because they really know their scales!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You should never have sex with reptiles

You really don't want to contract gator AIDS. Horrible disease.

God damn reptiles constantly stirring people up...

but what can you expect from all these insti-gators...

According to latest news the current Governor of Florida used to own and run his own alligator farm. So not only does he have experience with horrible scaly reptiles

he's also worked with alligators too.

Why do reptiles have so many scales?

Because they're paranoid about their weight.

A family go to the zoo

They're excited to see all the exotic animals, birds & reptiles. The first enclosure is empty, totally deserted. Unperturbed they carry on to the next one.. again it's empty!
Every single enclosure, cage, run and avery they encounter is empty, deserted and unkempt..

Except, right besi...

Bees

Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal w...

Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?

Reptiles require sunlight.

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

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