Nicola Sturgeon is visiting a hospital

And as she walks into one of the wards, a patient hails her with "Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!".

As she is blinking in surprise, another patient adds "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

And not to ...

What Doctor do Fish go to?

Sturgeons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fishing is a great way to recuperate.

Whenever you’re feeling bluegill or like nobody gives a crappie. Or if you’ve fallen on your bass and you’re sturgeon for the truth. Don’t ever trout that cod will be there for you.

Earlier today I saw a fish in a hospital waiting room going up to people and giving them medical advice.

I said "Oi fish, stop that, what do you think you're doing?!"

He said "Don't worry about it, it's ok... I'm the Sturgeon General".

What do you call a fish that is good for your bones?

An orthopedic sturgeon.
:D ?

What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

What happens when you get mixed up in an undersea gang war?

You get a crab wound.

So you go the police but they clam't help you.

Eventually you end up at the hospital and they tell you you'll need a sturgeon.

Then you murder everyone because you are so god damn tired of their undersea puns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guess how old I am?

In this small retirement home, there was an old lady who just turned 68 years old. She decided to go visit the other dorms so that the residents could wish her a happy birthday.

The first room she goes to there was another old lady drinking tea. "It's my birthday!" said the birthday lady. "Wi...

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