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Allotment Jokes

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment

The plot thickened

Back when I was a Scooby Doo villain I had an allotment....

Every time I went to tend to my vegetables I would find them covered in thin sheets of aluminium.

Those pesky kids were always foiling my plot.

(I'm sorry)

My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.

I thought he’d lost the plot.

Now someone keeps adding more and more.

The plot thickens.

This old man approached me.

He said, "I planted some seeds somewhere and I can't remember what allotment."

"It's a synonym for 'many', but I can't help you with the first bit."

My grand-dad was depressed because his prize marrows were not growing on his allotment, so I went along there to see if I could see what the problem was.

When I got there he was slumped over a pathetic burnt little marrow. I looked around me and noticed that all the other allotments were basking in dappled sunshine filtering through the trees but his was in the dark except for a stong burning ray of light. The cause was the huge window on a huge shed...

I went to an allotment yesterday to find more soil there than the day before. Today, I went there again and found even more soil..

The plot thickens...

How much space do you need to grow your own vegetables?

Allotment.

New bull on the farm

Three bulls on the farm. They were just working out divvying up the heifers (young female cows). The biggest claims 60 of the 100 heifers. The second one claims 30 and the smallest, a puny runt gets 10.

Just as they ironed out the details, a huge trailer rolls up and out walks a monster of a ...

A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he's divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request...

The old man's will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it's sealed a...

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