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Shaped Jokes

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what do you call a boat carrying penis shaped potatoes?

A dictatorship

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

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I don't know how to tell my friend his cock-shaped clock is tacky.

But when the time comes, I'll be ready.

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.
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On the first test drive of my guitar-shaped car, I had a crash.

A real Fender bender.
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A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

Somebody made a cake shaped like Canada, and sliced it to match the province/territory borders

I said I wanted the largest piece, but they told me I could have none of it
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Did you hear about the famous musician who was buried in a guitar-shaped coffin?

He had to have 8 Les Paulbearers.


(Co-written by u/no_need_really)
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My dad got me a PacMan shaped cake for my birthday.

At least, that’s his explanation for the shape.
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A Canadian couple made province-shaped cookies

A baker in Canada thought it would be fun to bake cookies that were each in the shapes of Canada's provinces and territories.

"These look delicious," said her husband.

"Thanks!" she said. "And don't worry, I've made some of each shape so you're able to eat them."

"What do you me...
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"This term," said the English teacher, "we will be studying 'The Canterbury Tales' "

"But," she added, "to anticipate a question I get every year -- this will not include *The Nun's Priest's Tale*"

"Why not?" asked one of the pupils. The teacher's features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

"Because," she answered, "*The Nun's Priest's Tale* is l...

I bought a new boat and it's the best, except it's shaped like a centaur.

Great horsemanship.
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How come Italy is shaped like a boot?

Can’t fit that much shit in a shoe.

I lost my house key shaped like a bottle opener.

Now I worry about someone breaking in and opening all my beers
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I found an animal cracker shaped like Jesus...

...it was a snackrificial lamb.
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Future is shaped by your dreams.

So, stop wasting time and go to sleep.
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Me: The earth isn’t flat

Me: The earth isn't flat.

Fiat earther: Correct.

Me: huh?

Fiat earther: It's shaped like an Italian car.

Me: what?

Fiat earther: You read my name wrong, didn't you?
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What does a bandmember of Pantera call it when they bake a dick-shaped cake?

Vulgar display of flour.

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What do you call a penis shaped boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A fucking stick.

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

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My flaccid penis is square shaped...

When I get hard it becomes an erectangle.

I wanted to take ownership of a building shaped like a triangle.

But I couldn’t get anyone to cosine.
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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

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What do you call a reptile shaped poop?

A turdle

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

A man walks into a bar and asks for a vodka and orange juice...

The bartender says, Sure thing, turns around and mixes his drink, and sets a human skull shaped into a mug in front of him.

The man says, WTF! I just wanted vodka and orange juice!

The bartender says, Yeah, that's a Philips head screwdriver.
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somewhere there's a tree shaped exactly like a chicken and the locals pull on the branches for good luck...

The whole ceremony is called poultry or something like that...
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Why was the dog shaped like a baguette?

Because it was bread that way.
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I bought an L shaped sofa.

Lowercase l
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Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.

Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket in disguise.

My 8 year old son...the comedian.
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I'm trying to buy one of those triangle-shaped cabins, but my credit isn't good enough to get a loan.

I'll have to get someone to cosine.
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A man gets a job at a computer store that sells food shaped computers.

He was fired for trying to take a byte.
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I’m gonna go buy a car shaped like a peanut butter jar

I’ll be back in a Jif

i have a triangular-shaped pebble i use to strum my guitar

It's for rock music.
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I know why women want to be shaped like an hour glass.

Because all they do is waste my time

What is a snow shaped batman made of?

Just-ice
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Found a stone shaped like a guitar pick at the beach yesterday...

It's for rock music
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A kid has a pear-shaped head

The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of t...
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An elderly man in Louisiana ...

... had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there f...
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I've just treated myself to a new mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling...

It's a Gnocchia.
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The bread I made came out the oven shaped like a voluptuous womans butt!

I tried not to let it turn me on, but dat ass dough!

I bought a cow shaped lamp for the bedroom, my wife asked me what for?

I said its for mood lighting.
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My penis is like a bell shaped curve

It's in the middle.

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.
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I got some people shaped cookies for Christmas.

I didn't want to assume their ginger...
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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)
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A guy in my class just claimed that a ring-shaped coral reef is also an island.

But it's not an island, atoll.
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A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.
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A guy with a dick-shaped nose walks into a bar

“Why the schlong face?” Asks the bartender.

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TIL that wombats poo is shaped like a cube instead of spherical.

I almost shit a brick.

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A chocolate company was making chocolates shaped like a woman's ass.

Some "upstanding citizens" demanded that they discontinue the product, as they claimed it was lewd and disrespectful. They staged a large, loud protest outside the factory.

This upset another group of citizens, who thought the company should make what they like, and the protestors should min...

The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist

makes one wonder for the funeral of a gynaecologist.
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I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.
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I have an L shaped couch...

lower case.
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Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.
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I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out.

I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.
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