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Man walks in to a bar with a nose shaped like a cock.

Barman says "Why the Schlong face"

A man gets a job at a computer store that sells food shaped computers.

He was fired for trying to take a byte.

I wanted to take ownership of a building shaped like a triangle.

But I couldn’t get anyone to cosine.

Why is Italy shaped like a backslash and not the letter I?

Because it is in "italics".

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What does a bandmember of Pantera call it when they bake a dick-shaped cake?

Vulgar display of flour.

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

Future is shaped by your dreams.

So, stop wasting time and go to sleep.

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven (flagging it NSFW just in case)

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,

but had to take them back as the seal was broken...

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

A divorced lady in her early 40's, out for a walk in the countryside, stumbles over an oddly shaped bottle. Picking it up and rubbing it lightly to see what it is, there’s a puff of smoke and a pixie appears from the bottle neck.

A divorced lady in her early 40's, out for a walk in the countryside, stumbles over an oddly shaped bottle. Picking it up and rubbing it lightly to see what it is, there’s a puff of smoke and a pixie appears from the bottle neck.

"Wow, that’s a relief,” says the pixie, “I’ve been in there a...

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Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend.. So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing.

Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everything alright? Did that man hurt you?", Dave asked.

"No no, everything is alright.", she says as she wipes her tears. "How can i help you?"

"...

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What do you call a penis shaped boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A fucking stick.

i have a triangular-shaped pebble i use to strum my guitar

It's for rock music.

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I’m gonna go buy a car shaped like a peanut butter jar

I’ll be back in a Jif

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I know why women want to be shaped like an hour glass.

Because all they do is waste my time

A Kerr black hole is one with a ring-shaped singularity in it, but the name also sounds a lot like the word "cur".

I'm sure there is a joke in there somewhere, I just can't make it out.

I bought a cow shaped lamp for the bedroom, my wife asked me what for?

I said its for mood lighting.

I'm making a cookie brand called NIT (new incredible taste). It will be shaped like a chocolate chip cookie and will contain a fortune on the bottom.

FortuneNIT for you.

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I poured a can of root beer into a square shaped whiskey glass.

I now have a glass of beer.

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

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What do you call a reptile shaped poop?

A turdle

Found a stone shaped like a guitar pick at the beach yesterday...

It's for rock music

Why was the dog shaped like a baguette?

Because it was bread that way.

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.

Skull shaped ice cubes are pretty cool

Well, for a few minutes at least.

There was a man in Sao Paulo who's intestines were shaped like a number 1 from a rare genetic mutation.

Doctors say the chances of this are 1 in a Brazilian!

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NASA builds a rocket that’s shaped like a penis

One of the workers comes up to the head engineer and asks,

“Will it fly?”

“I’m not sure, but it’ll definitely get up.”

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Jeff bezos went up to space in his rocket, just a giant dick flying through the sky.

Oh, and the rocket was penis shaped as well.

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

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My flaccid penis is square shaped...

When I get hard it becomes an erectangle.

A man named Jeff walks into a bar

He walks into the bar and then a bright light shone on him from above. He looked up and saw another man. The other man was elevated up in the sky sitting on a desk that was shaped like an '8'.

Jeff: Who are you?

The other man: I am the Narrator

Jeff: The narrator of what?
...

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What do you call a penis shaped boat made out of potatoes?

A dictatorship

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.

Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket in disguise.

My 8 year old son...the comedian.

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The bread I made came out the oven shaped like a voluptuous womans butt!

I tried not to let it turn me on, but dat ass dough!

I bought an L shaped sofa.

Lowercase l

What is a snow shaped batman made of?

Just-ice

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Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?

A: Because you can't fit that much shit in a shoe.

What do you call a candle shaped like Keanu Reeves?

John Wick

Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

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TIL that wombats poo is shaped like a cube instead of spherical.

I almost shit a brick.

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.

The real mistake of the half-time show was that Maroon 5 performed on a stage shaped like an M.

When they should've set it to W for Wumbo.

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A man brings home a X-Mas tree...

"Oh boy, this place looks amaaaazing! It is cozy and warm, so much better than the forest in which I grew up! What are those? kids? I love kids! and they are giving me clothes! Those balls are a bit heavy but they make for some really pretty earings. And those scarfs are so lustruous I wanna cry. Th...

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