Knockout Jokes - 15 Hilarious Knockout Jokes

My wife has a knockout figure.

If she walks into you.

My Anesthesiologist said that if I didn't want knockout gas he could hit me in the head with a paddle.

He wouldn't do both. It was ether/oar.

One evening a rich widower showed up at the club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-yr-old blond.

She hung on to his every word, all night long.

His friends were stunned, and as soon as she couldn’t hear, they asked him how he’d managed to get a trophy girlfriend.

“Girlfriend? She’s my wife.”

“How the hell did you persuade that knockout to marry you?” one guy asked incredulo...

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

I've just started dating an anaesthesiologist

She's a real knockout

A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...

"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."

so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going...

Why does Conor McGregor want to get a knockout within 4 rounds in the big fight?

Because as the rounds go by, his chances of winning Mayweather away

Four Priests and a Woman Sit Down For Lunch around St. Peter's Square...

The first priest says: "My son's a priest, whenever he walks in a room people say 'Hello Father!'"
The second priest says: "My son's a bishop, whenever he walks into a room people say 'Your Grace!"
The third priest says: "Well my son's a cardinal, whenever he walks into a room people say "You...

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

Mike Tyson was one of the best in his career.

Yet Bill Cosby still had more knockouts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim walks into a bar with his arm in a sling.

He sits next to his friend Bill and orders two shots of whiskey.

Bill asks him, "How'd you break your arm, Jim?"

Jim downs a shot of whiskey and says, "Well, you see, about two years ago--"

Bill interrupts him, "Woah woah, two YEARS! You didn't break your arm two YEARS ago!"
...

I used to think Ronda Rousey was so hot

But tonight I saw a total knockout

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An Ethical Dilemma

You are playing in the club championship knockout final and the match was all square at the end of 17 holes. You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple 7 iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it de...

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bar contest goes awry

A businessman from out of town comes across a secluded bar on the outskirts of the city he's visiting, so he stops in for a drink. While at the bar he notices a large a shot glass the size of a water bucket filled with twenty dollar bills. Curious, the man motions for the bartender, "What's the stor...

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