My seven year old figured out Easter this year

He said “The Easter Bunny isn’t real dad. It’s really a man dressed as a bunny that hides eggs in your house”

Courtesy of my seven year old:. What kind of trees can you find snacks in?

Pantries.

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says...

"Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

"What's your name," asked the teacher. "Mohammad," he replied. "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.” Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad," his mother asked? "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mi...

A forty-seven year old woman see an ad for face cream that makes you instantly look ten years younger.

So she buys the cream, uses it and want to test it and see if people think she is her age or not. So she goes out and get food at McDonald's and says to the young cashier.

"Excuse me sir, how old do you think I am?"

Surprised by the abrupt question the young man smiles and thinks then...

Seven year old brother hit me with this one

Him: How do people look at the internet?

Me: How?

Him: With their google-y eyes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

[NSFW]My uncle said I have the body of a seven year old...

...I told him to stay away from my freezer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A seven year old boy is...

playing outside of his house when all of a sudden he hears someone say "bitch". He then goes inside his house and asks his mom:
Boy- what does bitch mean?
His mom gets stunned about what he just said didn't know what to tell him so she just says:
Mom- it means grandparents
Boy- okay
H...

What caused the skunk to unload his scent?

Instinct

("in stink" original joke from my seven year old).

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat in seven year old buns.

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should’ve custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulation...

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

(As told to me by my seven year old)

The husband of the woman next door died.

The husband of the woman next door died. After the funeral, the widow shut herself inside the house for most of the day. The only time the widow would leave her home was at the crack of dawn, where she would stand outside and wail loudly in her yard until noon, before quickly retreating into her hom...

Why wasn’t the fungus invited on the road trip?

Because there wasn’t mushroom.

Please don’t blame my seven year old for this, it was written by an adult.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?

Because the pee is silent.

With thanks to my seven year old son.

Why do sea gulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be called bagels (bay-gulls)

Courtesy of my seven year old niece

A New Breed of Elephant

I took my seven year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.

“What did you just call it?” I asked.

“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!”...

A joke my dad used to tell me when I was young.

Andre and Tony are good seven year old best buds with each other. one day they are playing hide & seek by a park. The December weather makes hiding in the snow extra fun. Eventually after playing the game for awhile, Andre notices how Tony seems to always find him. So, Andre asks Tony how he is ...

Two jokes from little kids... That shouldn't have been from little kids.

I've never seen either of these posted, so I thought I would share. The first was told to me by my brother when he was about ten years old:

A group of white me in the early 1800's are looking to hunt buffalo in the great American West. They hire a Native American guide and set out. They pick ...

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I came home to my girlfriend packing her bags.

What are you doing?
-I'm leaving you. I heard you're a pedophile!
That's a pretty big word for a seven year old.

A grade school teacher was asking students...

...what their parents did for a living.

Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"

Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"

The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she...

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