I went skydiving today.

The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why don't blind people go skydiving?

because it scares the fuck out of the dogs

Why do skydiving companies have excellent reviews?

Because it was awesome for the people who survived

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students

one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

Why don't blind people like skydiving?

You try getting a dog to jump from a plane.

I was skydiving and my parachute malfunctioned.

Luckily, I had the rest of my life to fix it.

What’s the hardest part of skydiving?

The ground!

An American and a Canadian go skydiving

An American and a Canadian go skydiving. This is the first solo jump for the both of them. The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:

"When the light above the door turns green, you can jump."

The Canadian (who is a major stutterer) asks:

"w-w-w-w...

I'm taking my wife for skydiving.

So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving?

Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea

A skydiving instructor tells his student, "After jumping off the plane, count to ten and pull your parachute."

"W-w-what w-w-was th-th-that n-n-numb-b-ber ag-g-gain?"

"Two."

Did you know Helen Keller went skydiving?

Neither did she.

Blind person goes skydiving. How do they know when they'll hit the ground ?

There's less tension in the dog's leash.

An avid skydiver dies in a skydiving accident.

At the funeral a friend approaches the widow.

"It was a tragic accident" the friend says, "but at least he died doing something he loved."

"Not really" replied the widow.

"I thought he loved skydiving" replied the friend

"Oh, he loved skydiving" said the widow, "He hated...

A French man, a German man, and a Polish man go skydiving

First, the French man jumps out of airplane. At the right time, he says "viva la France" and pulls the ripcord. Then, the German man jumps out and pulls the ripcord at precisely 1000 feet. Then, the Polish man jumps out of the airplane and he passes the 1000 foot mark but does not pull the ripcord. ...

I was excited for my first skydiving experience

I guess I'm not the only one, because i felt my instructor's excitement rubbing against me.

Young Jimmy is taking skydiving lessons

After his lessons he decides he is ready for the real deal. The instructor and Jim go up in the plane to the altitude. Then, the instructor says, "when you jump, count to 10 and pull the cord. If that fails pull the backup cord. There will be a black van waiting for you at the bottom." Jimmy agrees ...

A guy goes skydiving for the first time.

The instructor goes over the procedure with him.

“That plane will take you up,” the instructor says. “The pilot will let you know when you are over the drop zone. Jump out the back door of the plane and watch your altimeter. When it says 2000 ft, pull the red cord. It’ll deploy your main para...

If you love skydiving, don’t wear a parachute on your next jump

Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!

A skydiving company was taken to court because they let a man jump off without a parachute.

In response, the company said “We did tell him he could only do it once.”

A man is diagnosed with cancer, so he decides to take up skydiving

A man is diagnosed with cancer, so he decides to take up skydiving to make the most of his time left. He goes up in a plane, jumps out, pulls the rip cord, and nothing happens. He pulls the rip cord on the backup parachute, and nothing happens. He says, "Good thing the doctor told me I had six month...

I thought it was romantic to secretly swap my girlfriend's backpack for a bag of roses.

Her skydiving instructor didn't.

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving. The Democrat jumps out of the plan and pulls his cord the parachute opens and he begins to softly float towards the ground. Seconds later the Republican jumps out of the plane. He pulls the main cord and nothing happens..he pulls his emergency cord and ag...

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

Did you hear about the Flat Earther who went skydiving?

He landed on a plane.

A blonde and a brunette go skydiving. Which one lands first?

The brunette.



The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

What happened when the Prague Skydiving club couldn't afford proper equipment?

Their Czechs bounced.

A devout Muslim decides to go skydiving

He jumps off the plane and when it's time to open his parachute he pulls the cord and nothing happens. As he is hurtling towards the ground, he starts praying to Allah and the prophet Muhammad for mercy. Miraculously, a giant gust of wind picks him up and and begins to slow his fall. Surprised by t...

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

What’s the difference between going to space and going skydiving?

One is more down to Earth

A guy goes skydiving for the first time...

... and while he's in the plane he's looking at his fellow jumpers. He's quite surprised when he sees that among them is a blind man, with his guide dog. After a bit of internal debate about minding his own business, curiosity wins out and he decides to just ask.

"Excuse me, but are you blind...

"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.

"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."

What do you call it when a priest goes skydiving?

A Christian Bail.

A man died in a tragic skydiving accident.

Some say he left an impact on the world.

Why didn’t the number 4 go skydiving?

Because he’s two squared

I wasn’t cut out for skydiving school

So I dropped out

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