Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.
It's just soda pressing.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man just foils their plans.
Scientists have developed a new, more efficient process for smelting aluminum.
They were thinking outside the bauxite.
Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...
...even their phone designs are recycled
Why does aluminum make a great bad guy?
Because it is easily foiled.
I have a conspiracy theory...
The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.
A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.
They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.
"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...
I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”
Stan and Eddy go fishing
Near Corner Brook.....
They drop the 14' aluminum boat in a nice local lake, fire up the 9.9 and go looking for a good spot.
After several hour of no bites they finally find a shoal and start catching fish.
After a bit Stan says to Eddy" I need to go to the can, we need to go ...
I called a friend and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
First day as a superhero
Villian: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?
Me: I foiled your plans
If you had purchased
$1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you...
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."
The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.
Random insightful life (by Bob Gray)
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
A Woman Brings Some Bread To Work... [OC] [long]
A woman works in the Editorial Office of a newspaper and brings in a large, fresh loaf of bread. She puts it in the break room, where eight or so "old boys" are sitting around drinking coffee. She says, "My husband is learning to bake and made this bread, but he made a mistake--"
But at that ...
Little Johnny is in class and his teacher is teaching about description. She reaches into a bag and feels around. She says "Sally, what I'm feeling something round and firm, what is it?"
Sally says "a ball" and teacher says "nope it's an orange". The teacher then reaches in and goes " what I'm feeling is smooth and flat and flexible, David, what is it?"David says"a piece of paper?" "No" goes the teacher "a piece of aluminum foil" Johnny stands up, reaches into his pocket and goes" t...
A man went to a pet store to buy a bird cage.
Man: Is this birdcage made of nickel?
Pet Store Employee: It's aluminum, I think.
Man: So there's no nickel in this cage?
Pet Store Employee: Not that I'm aware of.
Man: So this is nickeless cage? Cool!
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
church bulletin bloopers
*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:* -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...
Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)
A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
There was this 80 year old virgin...
There was this 80 year old virgin that started getting itchy... down there....
So, she goes to the gynecologist. The dr does the examination and reports "ma'am, i'm sorry to tell you, but it appears you've contracted an STD. We'll need to do further testing to confirm." The lady is outraged! ...