If I could be any super hero, I would be Aluminum Man...
...my super power would be foiling crime.
I hated my job at the recycling plant, I was in charge of crushing aluminum cans
It was soda pressing
What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.
Two ants, a mother and her daughter, were out for a walk in their underground city.
They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.
"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
…but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!
I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”
Iron was talking to his good friend Aluminum...
About his girlfriend Oxide. Aluminum told Iron that he should just dump her. "You don't need that kind of negativity in your life", he said. So Iron took his advice and sent Oxide packing, but Aluminum swooped in immediately after and started seeing Oxide himself.
Needless to say, things got ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
An extravagant billionaire made his fortunes selling concrete. Life got lavish and boring. One day he gets in an argument with another bored gentleman about the possibility of creating a flying airplane out of concrete. Billionaire gets excited and decides to build one whatever it takes.
First, he goes to an American aerospace company.
"Can you build an airplane out of concrete?" "That's going to be very difficult." "I don't care how difficult. Can you?" "That will cost $3 bln. and will take 3 years". "OK, fine".
3 years and $3 bln later, on time ...
What do Trump and an Aluminum can have in common?
They easily get bent out of shape...
Scientists have developed a new, more efficient process for smelting aluminum.
They were thinking outside the bauxite.
What’s the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?
I have a conspiracy theory...
The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.
Worth it !
Me : is this birdcage made out of nickel? Pet store : aluminum I think. Me : so there’s no nickel in this cage ? Pet store : Don’t u dare! Me : it’s a nickless cage Pet store : GET OUT!
Little Johnny is in class and his teacher is teaching about description. She reaches into a bag and feels around. She says "Sally, what I'm feeling something round and firm, what is it?"
Sally says "a ball" and teacher says "nope it's an orange". The teacher then reaches in and goes " what I'm feeling is smooth and flat and flexible, David, what is it?"David says"a piece of paper?" "No" goes the teacher "a piece of aluminum foil" Johnny stands up, reaches into his pocket and goes" t...
A man went to a pet store to buy a bird cage.
Man: Is this birdcage made of nickel?
Pet Store Employee: It's aluminum, I think.
Man: So there's no nickel in this cage?
Pet Store Employee: Not that I'm aware of.
Man: So this is nickeless cage? Cool!
What is an engineer's first job out of highschool?
Aquathermic treatment of ceramics aluminum and steel in a controlled environment.
Or to put it in lamer's terms: washing dishes while his boss is watching.
I called an old classmate and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on a project involving "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
If you had purchased
$1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you...
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the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers
Church Ladies With typewriters ...
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ____________________________________________...
Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)
A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."
The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.