If I could be any super hero, I would be Aluminum Man...
...my super power would be foiling crime.
Why does aluminum make a great bad guy?
Because it is easily foiled.
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.
A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.
They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.
"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...
I called a friend and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
…but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!
A Man and is Wife are Expecting a Baby.
He finally gets the call while at work and starts driving to the hospital. As he gets closer, he gets more and more anxious, thinking about the baby, his wife, whether it's a boy or a girl, etc. But as he's driving he hits a curb. The car's springs break, jutting through the floor and impaling him t...
Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.
It's just soda pressing.
First day as a superhero
Villian: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?
Me: I foiled your plans
Iron was talking to his good friend Aluminum...
About his girlfriend Oxide. Aluminum told Iron that he should just dump her. "You don't need that kind of negativity in your life", he said. So Iron took his advice and sent Oxide packing, but Aluminum swooped in immediately after and started seeing Oxide himself.
Needless to say, things got ...
I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”
What do Trump and an Aluminum can have in common?
They easily get bent out of shape...
I have a conspiracy theory...
The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.
Scientists have developed a new, more efficient process for smelting aluminum.
They were thinking outside the bauxite.
What’s the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?
Worth it !
Me : is this birdcage made out of nickel? Pet store : aluminum I think. Me : so there’s no nickel in this cage ? Pet store : Don’t u dare! Me : it’s a nickless cage Pet store : GET OUT!
What is an engineer's first job out of highschool?
Aquathermic treatment of ceramics aluminum and steel in a controlled environment.
Or to put it in lamer's terms: washing dishes while his boss is watching.
Little Johnny is in class and his teacher is teaching about description. She reaches into a bag and feels around. She says "Sally, what I'm feeling something round and firm, what is it?"
Sally says "a ball" and teacher says "nope it's an orange". The teacher then reaches in and goes " what I'm feeling is smooth and flat and flexible, David, what is it?"David says"a piece of paper?" "No" goes the teacher "a piece of aluminum foil" Johnny stands up, reaches into his pocket and goes" t...
A man went to a pet store to buy a bird cage.
Man: Is this birdcage made of nickel?
Pet Store Employee: It's aluminum, I think.
Man: So there's no nickel in this cage?
Pet Store Employee: Not that I'm aware of.
Man: So this is nickeless cage? Cool!
If you had purchased
$1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you...
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."
The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
There was this 80 year old virgin...
There was this 80 year old virgin that started getting itchy... down there....
So, she goes to the gynecologist. The dr does the examination and reports "ma'am, i'm sorry to tell you, but it appears you've contracted an STD. We'll need to do further testing to confirm." The lady is outraged! ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers
Church Ladies With typewriters ...
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ____________________________________________...
Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)
A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...