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Scares Jokes

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

What kind of music scares balloons?

Pop Music

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Do one thing everyday that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Today, I will fuck a cactus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Chuck Norris never have to flush the toilet?

He just scares the shit out of it.

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Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said if this get 100 upvotes , we'll try anal.

So please don't vote, her strap-on is huge and it really scares me.

I'm beginning to think I know more about healthcare than my doctor and his ignorance scares me.

He recommended radiotherapy even though I'm deaf.

The alphabet scares me

“A bee sea?”

No thank you, I’ll just stop you right there.

You know what animal scares me the most?

A *cari-boo!*

What scares a caterpillar?

A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)

What’s it called when a ghost scares the wrong person?

A boo-boo

Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone...

In the car I'm driving.

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

A study shows that jump scares are becoming less and less popular.

Well, I'm not surprised.

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4 out 5 forest fires are started by people...

Which scares the shit out of me. Because that means somewhere out there is a bear that knows how to light matches.

3 jokes told to me by an older gentleman at the grocery store

Have you heard the one about the jump rope? That’s OK we’ll skip it.

Have you heard the one about the bed? It hasn’t been made up yet.

Do you know why blind people don’t skydive? It scares the hell out of the dog.

Backstory: I have pretty severe PTSD and things like running t...

It really scares me to watch Xena Warrior Princess...

I must be a Xenaphobe.

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What crawls up walls and scares the shit outta Jews?

Gas pipes.

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