Panic Attack Jokes - 20 Hilarious Panic Attack Jokes

I have panic attacks every time I use a two letter word.

I get scared just..thinking about it.

Why did the Twitter kid have a panic attack in Maths class?

Because the teacher said they will be learning about Ratios.

I have severe pharmaphobia that causes panic attacks.

I wept openly when my doctor wrote me a prescription for it.

Why did the Mexican take xanax?

For *his*-panic attacks.

I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why did the mexican take his anti-anxiety medication?

For hisPanic attack.

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally admit that I have a problem and I decide to see a therapist

Therapist: what brings you in today?

Me: I find myself very anxious in social situations

Therapist: please explain

Me: right now all my friends are obsessed with the Backstreet Boys and they always play “I want it that way”

Therapist: and this bothers you?

Me: I ha...

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

A man dies and goes to Rock N' Roll Heaven..( semi-long)

Upon arrival he is immersed immediately in all the sights and sounds of everything from classic rock to modern anything you would want to listen to, experience and see in person LIVE that you may of missed during your life on Earth.

He looks over and sees Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Randy Rhodes,...

A man was deathly afraid of ice cream

So much so that the mere sight or mention of the tasty frozen treat could send him into a panic attack.

He tried to avoid it, but it was everywhere. In movies. In songs. On social media. In real life!

Due to the severity of his condition, the man resolved to find a life partner who hat...

Trump and I take Xanax for different reasons.

I take them for *my* panic attacks; he takes them for hispanic attacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets totally shitfaced after way too much drinks with his friends on a Saturday night, then goes back home. (Long but cute :-)

He has a hard time opening the door, being very careful to not wake up the wife. He starts to climb the stairs to the bedroom, but the world is collapsing every other second around him. He falls, tries to crawl a few more steps, and faints.

Next morning:

He wakes up in pyjamas in bed, ...

My father's friend died in an car accident.

My father took me to his friend's funeral even though I didn't knew anyone of the people who attended that funeral. Few moments later a gentleman stood beside me and said,

Man- Hey kid, enjoy your life to your fullest and never give up in your life. These are the days which you'll remember y...

For those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your garden, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the weed, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just ...

A lady and her husband arr at the hospital to give birth to their baby

Just before the operation, she starts to get panic attacks due to stories she's heard of the immense pain. The doctors offer an alternative solution.

Doctor: "We've procured a machine that transfers the pain felt by the mother to the father. But be warned, the pain will be like nothing you've...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely man adopts a new pet...

A lonely man feeling distant from his wife decides to follow the advice of a coworker and sets out to find a pet to keep himself company.

On the way home from work one day, the man stops by a pet shop. Inside he finds the usual fare, hamsters, guinea pigs, goldfish, etc. As he looks around h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy named Dave is at a swanky bar...

So this guy named Dave is at a swanky bar. It's at the top of a 60 floor building. Dave's drinking alone at the bar when the elevator opens. This guy gets off the elevator, orders 6 beers, slams them, walks over to the ledge, and jumps off. Dave sits stock still in shock until he hears the elevator ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

The Noe Family

A girl is finally going to meet her boyfriend Dave Noe’s family for thanksgiving. She’s really worried because she’s never had a boyfriend before, and has no idea what it’s gong to be like. Dave assures her his family will love her, and that she’ll be fine.

The girl is still incredibly nervou...

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