UPJOKE
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Sax Jokes

I have a friend who plays the Alto Sax and the Tenor Sax.

He is bi-saxual.

*I will show myself the door*

Why was the Jazz movie rated R

Too much sax and violins

Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha's cabinet became sick during his time as Prime Minister in 2003

It was the SARS cabinet.

Did you hear about the man who assaulted someone with a woodwind instrument?

He's a registered Sax offender

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

Bartender says "what's up with the octopus?" Guy says "this octopus can play any musical instrument you put in front of him." There's a band on the stage, so the guitar player walks up and puts down his guitar. Tentacles start flying, and the guitar starts making the most beautiful sounds you ever h...

Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't

The Sax is too good

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A guy comes home completely drunk one night.

He lurches through the
door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.
It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the ur...

A self-absorbed jazz musician is sitting at a bar after a playing intense music all night.

A beautiful woman shyly walks over to him and says “Excuse me, I hate to bother you. Your music is phenomenal. It moves me in so many ways.

Artistically, it opens my appreciation of beauty and skill.

Intellectually, your music helps me to understand and think and reason.

As a wo...

Took my kid to a classical music concert. It was a disaster

Way too much sax and violins

Two friends pooled money to buy an instrument

They're now in a same-sax relationship

I don't let my kids watch the orchestra

Too much sax and violins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golden Urinals

So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late.
"So what's the excuse this time," she said.
"Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I...

My jazz musician friend would always hit people who played the wrong note

Well, sax to be you.

Why do brass instruments have huge holes at the front of them?

So you can have sax with them.

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

A sax offender

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

I saw a story about how Itzhak Perlman and Kenny G discovered they'd been dating the same woman. An argument about it quickly degenerated into a full on brawl!!

That's the trouble with the news today, its all sax and violins.

What do you call a jazz soloist that’s into men and women?

Bi-sax-ual!

Here's another godawful joke. Downvote away.

Why was the man banned from the jazz club?

Because he was a registered sax offender.

I wanted to watch a music movie...

But it was full of sax and violins.

All music classes were banned at my school...

They said the classes encouraged too much sax and violins...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Music Jokes

Sharing some music related jokes :-

1. Q. What did George Michale sing at Elton John's wedding?
A. Don't let your son go down on me.

2. Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. The lead guitarist holds the light, & the world revolves ar...

An unmarried couple start a jazz band. What would they call it?

Premarital sax

Why was the musical R-rated?

Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.

When I told my parents I wanted to be a blues musician

they I decided it was time to have "the sax talk"

A man went into a music shop

A man went into a music shop looking for a new instrument.

The owner introduced him to a lot of different instruments: flutes, trumpets, drums and guitars but none of them caught the man's interest.

The man nearly gives up when he spots a saxophone hanging in the corner. He tries it an...

I just moved into an apartment above a jazz club...

I was sick of paying for sax.

In Self Defense

Tenant - "I simply won't stay here any longer. Those people above me banged on the floor early this morning, slammed doors, and jumped up and down as hard as they could. I won't stand it, I tell you!"

Landlady - "They woke you up, I suppose?"

Tenant - "No, I hadn't gone to bed yet. ...

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

I was really bad in my school band.

So bad they kicked me out and put me on the registered sax offenders list.

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

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