UPJOKE
reservequalificationdoubtpreservationpreservelandunited statesalaskasavingemploymentengagementuncertaintyupgradestatementagreement

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It was October and the Native Americans on a remote reservation...

asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he tol...

Santa’s reindeer had an issue with their dinner reservation.

The restaurant simply refused to seat the Donner party.

Did you hear you can't make reservations at the library?

They're fully booked!

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I once tried to buy a house on an old Indian reservation.

When I asked if it came with running water the chief told me “Fuck off and find your own wife”

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[Long] [NSFW] A man was born on a Native American reservation with one ballsack

The chief of a Native American reservation had a son who was born with only one ballsack, he was named one-stone because of this. One-stone grew up and moved to a modern day town and told everyone that if they called him One-stone he would kill them, so everyone believed him as he was very strong. O...

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation...

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

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I went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"Fuck off" He replied. "Get your own wife."

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
...

I tried to make a reservation at the library yesterday, but couldn't...

Turns out, they're completely booked!

You better call early if you want a reservation at the library today.

They’re usually fully-booked.

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A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation

i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!"

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he wave...

A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...

Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.

Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.

Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"

Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?

Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

A redneck called a restaurant to make a dinner reservation....

The redneck said, "Howdy. I'd like to make a reservation for tonight."

The server said, "Okay. How big is the party?"

The redneck replied, "Well, uhh, it'll be me and my wife, sister, and stepmom."

The server said, "Okay, sounds great. I'll make the reservation for four people."...

I can’t get a dinner reservation anywhere today

Everyone and their mom must be out

There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation

While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impre...

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A Native American came into my restaurant and asked for a table for four.

I said "Do you have a reservation?" and he told me to fuck off and stormed out.

Reservation

You know, if you are hesitant to book time to stay on Indian land.. that’s a reservation reservation reservation!

Damn girl are you an Indian reservation?

Cause I want to lay some pipe in you.

Why were the Native Americans here first?

Because they had reservations.

An upset orator wants to talk to us about his reservation being cancelled

but he has no room to speak.

In LOTR, you always have to make reservations at the restaurant.

Because one does not simply walk in.

I can see why Americans have reservations of taking in immigrants

Last time a lot of immigrants migrated there, they took over the whole damn place.

A man walks into a restaurant

He tells the host that he's there for a first date.
The host says, "do you have a reservation?"
The man replies, "yes actually, I'm worried she might be too old for me"

I was inquiring about seating for two at a new restaurant and they asked if I had reservations...

I said that I had some, but that I was willing to give it a try.

I was planning a holiday to America last year. I already had reservations.

Well, I was right.

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Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

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Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

Reservations

A couple walk into a nice restaurant on Friday night, hoping to get a table. Upon seeing the couple, the host asks the couple, "Do you have reservations?" The wife replies, "Yes, but we'll eat here anyway."

If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve...

....that would be a reservation reservation reservation

-credit to Brian Regan

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A young Native American boy is listening to his dad...

talk about how to read the skies, in order to know how much wood is needed for the winter. Being the youngest of two boys, as well as his older brother being the apple of his fathers eye, he knows he won't be made chief, so he saw no point in learning it. A few years later, a tradegy strikes the tri...

Native American name - a true story

25 years ago, I worked with a guy named Kee Smith (last name changed here... this is really a real story). Kee was sort of a crunchy granola type of European ancestry. Eventually, he told the story about his unusual name.

He said he was born on a reservation, and he was placed in a bassinet...

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

A white politician goes to an Indian Rez for a stump speech.

"The native population is part of this great nation's heritage. I want to represent and further your interests". "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!" They chant.

"We should respect your culture and traditions while helping you advance in society, if that's what you wish." "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

"The count...

If you're having second thoughts about dinner plans on tribal lands... I guess you're having...

Reservations about reservations on the reservation.

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Social progress....

A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
Ceremonial Pipe and eying two Canadian Government officials sent to
interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his techn...

A young couple are trying to save money on their summer vacation.

They bring their bags to the discount airline desk to check in.

“Do you have reservations?” asks the woman behind the counter.

“More than a few,” the young man answered, “but we’re flying with you guys anyway.”

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Man and his new wife on honeymoon went into a hotel.

Man: We would like to book a room for the night.

Receptionist: Do you have reservations?

New Wife: Well, I'm a bit nervous about taking it up the arse!

My favorite native american restaurant is shutting down.

They didn't get enough reservations.

[NSFW] After their wedding reception, the newly weds went to their hotel to check in.

"Do you have reservations?" the desk clerk asked.
"Only one" replied the man. "She says she won't do anal"

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A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick

city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the indian noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The Indian looked forward at the road, nodded his head ...

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