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Reservation Jokes

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The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Never...

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, “What are the guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

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I went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"Fuck off" He replied. "Get your own wife."

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he wave...

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I once tried to buy a house on an old Indian reservation.

When I asked if it came with running water the chief told me “Fuck off and find your own wife”

Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation

i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!"

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

Th...

Restaurant hostess: Do you have reservations?

RestaurMe: No, I’m confident I want to eat here.

I called the library to try to make a reservation...

But they said they were fully booked.

Santa’s reindeer had an issue with their dinner reservation.

The restaurant simply refused to seat the Donner party.

Reservation

You know, if you are hesitant to book time to stay on Indian land.. that’s a reservation reservation reservation!

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[Long] [NSFW] A man was born on a Native American reservation with one ballsack

The chief of a Native American reservation had a son who was born with only one ballsack, he was named one-stone because of this. One-stone grew up and moved to a modern day town and told everyone that if they called him One-stone he would kill them, so everyone believed him as he was very strong. O...

A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...

Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.

Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.

Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"

Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?

Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."

I tried to make a reservation at the library yesterday, but couldn't...

Turns out, they're completely booked!

You better call early if you want a reservation at the library today.

They’re usually fully-booked.

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A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

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Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

Damn girl are you an Indian reservation?

Cause I want to lay some pipe in you.

A redneck called a restaurant to make a dinner reservation....

The redneck said, "Howdy. I'd like to make a reservation for tonight."

The server said, "Okay. How big is the party?"

The redneck replied, "Well, uhh, it'll be me and my wife, sister, and stepmom."

The server said, "Okay, sounds great. I'll make the reservation for four people."...

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Guy walks into a hotel

A few years back, a feeder tournament for the World Series of Poker has attracted a lot of people to the town where it is being held, and every hotel in town is sold out. A guy without a reservation walks in and asks for a room. The desk clerk tells him “Sorry, but there are no rooms available. Due ...

I can see why Americans have reservations of taking in immigrants

Last time a lot of immigrants migrated there, they took over the whole damn place.

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A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick

city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the indian noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The Indian looked forward at the road, nodded his head ...

Navajo Memory Man

Bob the scouser goes on a driving tour of the US, and on his travels comes across a Navajo reservation advertising "The world famous memory man - ask any question and he will know the answer"

Bob goes up to the edge of the canyon and finds a tribal elder sitting cross legged watching the suns...

There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation

While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impre...

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A Native American came into my restaurant and asked for a table for four.

I said "Do you have a reservation?" and he told me to fuck off and stormed out.

An upset orator wants to talk to us about his reservation being cancelled

but he has no room to speak.

Reservations

A couple walk into a nice restaurant on Friday night, hoping to get a table. Upon seeing the couple, the host asks the couple, "Do you have reservations?" The wife replies, "Yes, but we'll eat here anyway."

In LOTR, you always have to make reservations at the restaurant.

Because one does not simply walk in.

I was on a guided tour of an Indian Reservation when this streaker ran past our group wearing nothing but a headdress.

I asked the tour guide. "Who's that idiot?"

He replied.."That's Running Bare"

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community

That would be a reservation reservation reservation.

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

I was planning a holiday to America last year. I already had reservations.

Well, I was right.

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

Millions of people celebrated thanksgiving yesterday.

The indigenous people however, have reservations.

I was inquiring about seating for two at a new restaurant and they asked if I had reservations...

I said that I had some, but that I was willing to give it a try.

What do you call it when someone isn’t sure they want to make plans to visit an Indian Casio?

A reservation reservation reservation.

Native American name - a true story

25 years ago, I worked with a guy named Kee Smith (last name changed here... this is really a real story). Kee was sort of a crunchy granola type of European ancestry. Eventually, he told the story about his unusual name.

He said he was born on a reservation, and he was placed in a bassinet...

Philosophy Convention

All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation unti...

What is it called when you're having second thoughts about booking a room at a Native American casino?

A reservation reservation reservation.

Prom

Prom was approaching at Central High School, and Doug needed a date. He got the nerve up to ask a popular and pretty girl, Susan, to prom. To his surprise, she said "yes." He was so excited, he went to a tuxedo shop that day to secure his rental. There was a very long line, as many other boys were r...

A man walks into a restaurant

He tells the host that he's there for a first date.
The host says, "do you have a reservation?"
The man replies, "yes actually, I'm worried she might be too old for me"

If you're having second thoughts about dinner plans on tribal lands... I guess you're having...

Reservations about reservations on the reservation.

What a Night

This morning, as I lie on my bed thinking about you, I have this strong urge to grab you... because I just can't forget about last night. Late in the balmy night, unexpectedly, you came to me in my bed and what happened there still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared out of nowher...

I'm having second thoughts about booking time to visit an Indian community.

I guess I'm having reservation reservation reservations.

What do white people make for dinner?

Reservations!

A message to the moon

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits....

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A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel lobby.

Hotel employee: “Sir, you have a reservation?”

The Native American facepalms: “Screw you, not this shit again.”

The chief walks away.

Jesus and his friends turned up at a restaurant

Waitress: The reservation is for 26 people but there's only 13 of you.

Jesus: Yeah, we're just going to sit on one side of the table.

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