What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?

Barackoli

What did Barack say when he proposed to Michelle?

"I don't want to be obamaself."

What did Obama say when Michelle left him

“How could you leave Obama self”

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.

"What are you supposed to be, then?" The host asks.


"I'm a turtle" said the man.


"How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?" Replies the host.


"Oh her?" He smiles. "That's just Michelle."

If Michelle Obama was Barack Obama’s sister where would they live?

Al-Obama

Donald Trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

Husabnd and wife

A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”


The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”

Why do Magic: The Gathering players love Michelle Obama?

She's a first edition Black Flotus

Trump and Obama Get a Haircut

Trump and Obama both decide to get a haircut, and by coincidence they happen to go to the same barber shop at the same time. They end up seated across from each other, and it's a quiet, awkward affair. They both finish around the same time, at which point Trump's barber asks Trump "would you like ...

What did the snail tell the slug?

I love Michelle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

Edit: Yes, yes MILLIONS. I wasn't sure if those sources were true or not when I posted.

Also, the spam from the Trump people is great. I feel like I'm on the *real*...

Went to a Halloween party with my girlfriend

And the host asked “what are you two dressed as?” And I said “I’m a turtle and this is Michelle”

I went to a fancy dress party carrying my girlfriend on my back, someone asked "What are you supposed to be?" I answered "A turtle" "Why?" they asked...

"That's Michelle" I said

I saw a man walking down the road with a woman on his back

I said "where are you going?"

He replied "Fancy dress party"

"What as?" I asked

"Tortoise" the man shouted back

"Who's she?" I questioned

To which he responded "That's Michelle"

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

A man walks into a Halloween party wearing nothing but his underpants and has a woman stuck on his back

His friends see him and ask "What are you supposed to be?"

"A turtle" the man replied

"What? How is that a turtle? and why is there a woman on your back? the friends ask

"Oh, thats just Michelle"

What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?

Barackoli



(I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night

I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.

Trump did a better job getting people to exercise in 1 month than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

Look at all those protesters on the streets!

Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom?

Because her pee is silent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I met a girl called Michelle at a bar...

Her: Hi, I am Michelle

Me: I am Donaldson, but people sometimes call me Dick.

Her: How do you get Dick from Donaldson?

Me: You ask nicely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Former figure skater Michelle Kwan was caught by paparazzi, who took an unfortunate down-blouse pic.

Nevertheless, it's a perfect example of both quality and Kwan titty.

What do you call a three legged cow?

Lean beef.

What do you call a one legged cow?

Ground beef.

What do you call a two legged cow?

Michelle. She’s my ex wife.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

I look forward to hearing Michelle Obama's speech again.

At the 2020 RNC.

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

Do you know what the President said to Michelle when he proposed?

I don't wanna be Obama self.


P.S. I know, it was super cheesy.

Mark and his friend Michelle

go to a costume party. When they show up Michelle is clinging to Mark's back. Someone greets them and asks what they're supposed to be. Mark says that he's a snail. The other guy asks "who's on your back?" Mark replies "Michelle"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old rich Corsican is about to die

According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good b...

Obama, Michelle, and Oprah are on a plane together...

.... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Michelle says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Oprah says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy!

The pilot pops his head around the corner and says "I can drop...

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he’s just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.

The host says to him, “Dude, this is a Halloween party! You’re supposed to be wearing a costume?”

The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I’m a snail!”...

What did the pirate name his pet clam?

Michelle

Obama wakes up on a snowy morning at the White House and looks out the window

...to see someone has peed "OBAMA SUCKS" in the snow. He asks the secret service to investigate. They come back and say, "sir we have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, Biden did it."

"What's worse than that?!" Says the president.

"Well sir, the worse news is, it was Michelle's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba Joke

President Obama is having trouble pleasing Michelle in bed so he goes to consult his good friend Bubba, a real lothario and ask his advice. Bubba tells him, “Try this: Wait until she is in bed, then stand outside the door and rap your dick against the door, Rap, Rap, Rap. I don’t know why but it alw...

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders...

...the doorman says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?" Obama says, "I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back."

The Comical Conservative

President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy Bob applying for a job...

Billy Bob is applying for a job at this big company and after the preliminary interview, one of the HR managers tells him: "You know, we'd love to take you, Billy Bob, we really do, but there's so many people applying for this job and you don't have any experience and don't have much of an education...

The Bubba Joke--long

Bubba is talking to his friend in a bar and boasts to his friend that he knows everyone in the world. His friend, of course, doesn’t believe him.
“If you know everyone in the world, name everyone in this bar.” Bubba proceeds to name everyone—Joey, Rachel, Sam, Johnny, Bart, until everyone is name...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent

because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says,

"You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's hair—can you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a fancy dress costume party the other day...

There was a guy standing there nude! Completely fucking naked with nothing but a girl on his back (also naked).

"What's your costume supposed to be?" I asked the man incredulously.

"I'm a snail obviously bro!" He smiled at my confusion and pointed at the girl he was carrying.

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The strange painting

John and Michelle are out on a date at an art gallery. They're walking around, looking at art, discussing the paintings, and generally having a good time. Eventually they come across a very strange painting that they can't seem to make heads or tails of. It's a large canvas called "Home for Lunch," ...

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