My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in August!” I said, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

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A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

What did Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

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Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

What Is It Called When A Princess Matress Kills A Queen Matress?

Matricide.

What would Princess Di being doing right now if she were alive?

Scratching at the roof of her casket.

How does Mario break up with Princess Peach?

“It’s not you... it’s a me, Mario!”

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The...

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Riding solo - Jason Derulo

Why did Princess Peach choke?

Because Mario came down the wrong pipe.

Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?

Because she went to woo Han.

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them

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A long time ago in alternative universe far, far away, Grand Moff Tarkin is having sex with Princess Leia.

'Come!' she whispers breathlessly.

'Ejaculate?!' he cries. 'In my moment of triumph?'

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

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Princess and the frog.

A frog decides to visit a fortune teller to find out if he'll ever find his princess. The fortune teller reads his palm and after a few brief moments of contemplation, begins her reading. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The frog, anxious for the possibilit...

I had an orgy with the Disney princesses

and one of them gave me crabs

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to treat her like a princess

so I put her in a mercedes and drove her into the wall

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What do you call the princess of sex?

NUTella.

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

Girl are you a princess?

Because you look like you died in a car crash.

I wish women would stop asking me to treat them like princesses.

My alliances are strong and their heirs are betrothed.

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

Why was Mario interested in Princess Peach in the first place?

He heard she had a plum bum.

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

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A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

Why did Princess Leia leave home?

She was looking for love in Alderaan places.

Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends & family?

She got involved with Alderaan people.

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

We found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment

A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner

"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"

His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."

The man responds: "Well, I forgot ...

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

Can everyone just shut up about that new movie about the ice princess?

They can't seem to let it go

What did Yoda said to Princess Lea after separating with Han Solo

" May divorce be with you "

Princess Elsa will never catch the coronavirus...

She is the master of self ice-olation

What the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a better driver.

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We call the hardest working prostitute at a brothel Princess Jasmine

Because she’s always got Aladdin

Re-examining the legacy of Princess Diana

Researchers have concluded that compared to other royals her legacy was head and shoulders apart



At least, that's how they found her on the dashboard.

Princess: I shall marry whomever of you is the bravest

**Suitors:** [all awkwardly look at the toaster]

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride

Unbelievable!

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In a kingdom lived a princess who slept with many men.

To stop this the king put a razor blade inside her vagina. Reportedly one man slept with her and got away unscathed so the king asked him how he did it, to which he replied: " I athe thfe pushhy."

The princess at Walgreens

A princess was coming into Walgreens every day, standing at the photo department, waiting for her photos to get developed.

After seeing her doing this for so many days in a row, a kind employee asked if he could help her with anything. She shook her head sadly, and.

"Someday my prints...

An engineer is walking beside a pond...

..when a frog hops out onto the path and says "Please, sir, I am a beautiful princess. A kiss from you will release me from the evil spell that turned me into a frog!"

The engineer smiles, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.

A commotion ensues in his pocket, and he takes the ...

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

So an old guy is walking in the woods

He hears a voice "Hey mister!". He looks down and there's a frog on the ground. "Hey mister" says the frog "kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you all night long!" The old guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket and walks on. The frog says "Hey mister, maybe you...

I have an irrational fear of warrior princesses from different places.

You could say I'm xenaphobic

How did Mario feel after getting a kiss from the princess?

Peachy.

I went for a pamper day at a massage parlour, and got treated like a princess

I even got a happy ending

What's the best time to rescue a princess?

Knight time!

What did the princess get for her birthday?

Peasants

A man finds a magic lamp...

...so of course, as the deal goes, he gets his three wishes from the Genie inside the lamp.

"For my first wish, I want to be a prince", the man says.

The Genie nods. "Yes, yes. That can easily be arranged."

"For my second wish, I want to live in luxury, the most beautiful cas...

There once was a princess who lived alone with her cat in a castle.

Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had be cursed to live his life as a feline.

Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spe...

What do you call a princess that does meth?

Disney on ice

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

The Princess and the Frog [long]

A beautiful princess had a shiny gold ball that was her prize possession. She would take it with her wherever she would go, gently throwing it in the air while she sang. One day she dropped the ball and it rolled down a hill and into a large pond. The princess ran to the pond and started to cry w...

Exactly 22 years ago Princess Diana was on the radio...

...She was also on the windshield, dashboard, and glovebox.

Who fixes Princess Toadstool’s shoes?

The Peach cobbler.

I added princess Diana as a profile on my Xbox

But unfortunately she's only on the dashboard

Where does Princess Zelda find her heroes?

Linkedin.

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

I asked Princess Leia for a list of her favorite bands...

It's Alderaan Duran

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A young man is walking through the woods. Suddenly a grandmother comes out of the forest.

\- My dear, I’m enchanted princess, if you sleep with me, I will turn into a beautiful girl and execute your three wishes.
The young man, of course, is disgusted, but still three wishes ... He agrees, has sex with his grandmother and says "come on, turn to a princess, here are my wishes..." <...

Why does princess peach keep toad around?

Because he's a "fun-gi"

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Princess Jasmine used the carpet to get into America

She was deported after 2 days because, obviously, she wasn't Aladdin the country

Why did the Honeydew princess stay and marry Duke Watermelon instead of running off with her true love?

She cantaloupe

Whenever a stranger in public calls my daughter “princess...”

I order them to bow before me, for I am apparently their King.

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.

So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

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Question: What is globalization

Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Itali...

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

A long time ago, a young prince was married to a young princess, ending the feud between two warring kingdoms.

On their wedding night, the princess says to the prince, "I offer you my honor."
The prince replies, "I'm honored by your offer".

That's how it went all night- honor and offer, honor and offer...

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There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

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Princess Buttercup and Wesley were never able to have children

She was inconceivable.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END

Princess Diana was all over the radio the night she died,

And on the dashboard, the seats and the steering wheel...

What would princess Diana...

...be doing, if she was still alive today?


Scratching her coffin and screaming.

A young man, who fell in love with this beautiful princess always wished to be her lover, but being the poor peasant that he is, he didn't believe he could do so.

One day though, he found a mysterious lamp dug somewhere near the ground. He has heard a lot about the legends of genies and believed that rubbing it, might just be the answer to all his wishes. He then proceeded to rub the lamp, where he thought a genie would show up from, but instead though...a ge...

A half man half machine, a princess, an animal like boy and a clown are trying to save their friend from her abusive father who is inside her

Teen titans was a great show

“I don’t know, man— you really think an amphibian like me has a shot with the princess?”

“Toadily.”

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The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

My girlfriend told me she wanted someone who treated her like a princess

So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.

What’s the name of the Disney princess that got burned?

Cinder-ella

Why didn't princess Diana carry any cash?

Who would like their purse to be full with pictures of their mother-in-law?

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t Hang Solow

What did Princess Toadstool say to Donald Trump?

IMPEACH.

Two Filipino kids go trick or treating on Halloween...

...At the first house they go up to, a lady answers the door.

She says, "oh how cute are you two? Let me guess what you are..."

To the first kid she says, "With your tiara and wand, you must be a princess?"

the first kid says, "Yes! I am a princess!"

The lady says to the ...

My girlfriend said to treat her like a princess

So I forced her into a marriage with a man she'd never met so that I could make an alliance with Poland.

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