Which Princess tastes like chocolate?

Kinderella.

How did Mario break up with the Princess?

He said, "It's not you, it's a me, Mario!"

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

Why did Princess Peach choke?

Mario came down the wrong pipe.

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The fr...

My little daughter came to me all excited, shrieking, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in October!” Playing along, I laughed, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

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What is Princess Leia's favorite sex act?

Giving Han Jobs

What is similar between Princess Diana and Pink Floyd?

Their both last greatest hit was the wall..

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

New Zelda game, starring just the princess, that ties all the story lines together...

"The Missing Link"

Princess asked if anyone who could fulfill all three requirements, she would marry him otherwise a death penalty...

Requirements:
1. Must drink plenty of alcohol.
2. Must kill the hungry lion inside a cage and bring the eyes.
3. Must make the princess happy in bed.

After hearing the announcement, a poor drunk man thought he would be able to drink free alcohol and die peacefully. Without a fur...

What does Princess Peach and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed by an Italian

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

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Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

Mario is breaking up with Princess Peach

Peach: Is it me? Is it my fault?


Mario: No, it's-a not-a you, it's-a me, Mario!

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to wear a seatbelt

Once, long ago, there was an Indian princess.

She was called Princess Happybottom, but she was very unhappy. She wanted more than anything to just be a normal girl.
One day, a magician noticed her forlorn appearance, and asked how he could help. “I just want to be normal, with a normal name, and be treated like a normal person.”
“I would...

A man is walking through the woods and comes across a talking frog ...

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a princess," the frog tells him.

The man picks the frog up and puts her in his pocket.

"Wait, wait, aren't you going to kiss me?" asks the frog. "I'm a princess!"

The man shrugs. "I'd rather have a talking frog."

How are Marie Antoinette, Princess Peach, and GLaDOS alike?

They all lie about there being cake.

What would the next Frozen movie be called if the princess was black?

Afro-zen

How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Who do you guys think the hottest disney princess is?

for me, it has to be CINDERella

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Riding solo - Jason Derulo

An engineering student found a frog on his way to class

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" the frog said.

The student smiled, thought for a minute, and put the frog in his bag and kept walking.

After a few minutes, he heard the frog calling out again, so he took it out.

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful p...

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

Why did Princess Leia date so many guys before she found Han?

She was looking for love in Alderaan places.

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

I married a real princess!

Her mother is a royal pain.

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A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

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Two old southern bells are having iced tea

They are reminiscing of their younger years on their wraparound porch of an 18th century plantation home.


The first lady recounts in a charming antebellum drawl: "You see these earrings? These 24k gold diamond earrings? My husband got me these on our 5th anniversary."


The seco...

What would Princess Di being doing right now if she were alive?

Scratching at the roof of her casket.

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A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

Girl are you a princess?

Because you look like you died in a car crash.

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A long time ago in alternative universe far, far away, Grand Moff Tarkin is having sex with Princess Leia.

'Come!' she whispers breathlessly.

'Ejaculate?!' he cries. 'In my moment of triumph?'

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An old man is walking down the street when he hears a voice.

"Excuse me sir."

The old man looks around but doesn't see anybody. Perplexed, he continues on his way.

"Sir, down here."

The man stops and looks down, only to see a frog sitting at his feet. He looks around again to make sure nobody is watching before addressing the frog, "did ...

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?

Because she went to woo Han.

My son wrote a short fairy tale about a prince who became a princess

He named it Once Upon a Wiener

(True story)

What Is It Called When A Princess Matress Kills A Queen Matress?

Matricide.

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Princess and the frog.

A frog decides to visit a fortune teller to find out if he'll ever find his princess. The fortune teller reads his palm and after a few brief moments of contemplation, begins her reading. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The frog, anxious for the possibilit...

My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride

Unbelievable!

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

Why was Mario furious?

He caught Princess Peach going through his Bowser history

I wish women would stop asking me to treat them like princesses.

My alliances are strong and their heirs are betrothed.

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

Can everyone just shut up about that new movie about the ice princess?

They can't seem to let it go

What did Yoda said to Princess Lea after separating with Han Solo

" May divorce be with you "

I had an orgy with the Disney princesses

and one of them gave me crabs

Princess likes to date a lot of men

So when he proposed she took him to a crocodile infested lake she threw the ring in the water and said "Take it out" , so he took it out. She got really happy and said " All the other morons jumped in the lake".

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends & family?

She got involved with Alderaan people.

Why was Mario interested in Princess Peach in the first place?

He heard she had a plum bum.

Re-examining the legacy of Princess Diana

Researchers have concluded that compared to other royals her legacy was head and shoulders apart



At least, that's how they found her on the dashboard.

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

Princess Elsa will never catch the coronavirus...

She is the master of self ice-olation

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We call the hardest working prostitute at a brothel Princess Jasmine

Because she’s always got Aladdin

Princess: I shall marry whomever of you is the bravest

**Suitors:** [all awkwardly look at the toaster]

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In a kingdom lived a princess who slept with many men.

To stop this the king put a razor blade inside her vagina. Reportedly one man slept with her and got away unscathed so the king asked him how he did it, to which he replied: " I athe thfe pushhy."

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

The princess at Walgreens

A princess was coming into Walgreens every day, standing at the photo department, waiting for her photos to get developed.

After seeing her doing this for so many days in a row, a kind employee asked if he could help her with anything. She shook her head sadly, and.

"Someday my prints...

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

What's the best time to rescue a princess?

Knight time!

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

I have an irrational fear of warrior princesses from different places.

You could say I'm xenaphobic

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Exactly 22 years ago Princess Diana was on the radio...

...She was also on the windshield, dashboard, and glovebox.

I went for a pamper day at a massage parlour, and got treated like a princess

I even got a happy ending

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I was walking by the lake when suddenly a frog started speaking to me...

'hello' said they frog 'in reality I am a beautiful princess that is under a curse'

'let me guess, I have to kiss you to turn you back'

'I am afraid my curse is far more advanced, in order to break it, you have to let me give you a blowjob'

so reluctantly I agreed, and after a w...

What do you call a princess that does meth?

Disney on ice

How did Mario feel after getting a kiss from the princess?

Peachy.

What did the princess get for her birthday?

Peasants

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

I asked Princess Leia for a list of her favorite bands...

It's Alderaan Duran

There once was a princess who lived alone with her cat in a castle.

Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had be cursed to live his life as a feline.

Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spe...

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The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

Whenever a stranger in public calls my daughter “princess...”

I order them to bow before me, for I am apparently their King.

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

I added princess Diana as a profile on my Xbox

But unfortunately she's only on the dashboard

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tigers got a much better driver

Who fixes Princess Toadstool’s shoes?

The Peach cobbler.

My girlfriend told me she wanted someone who treated her like a princess

So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.

Why does princess peach keep toad around?

Because he's a "fun-gi"

A young man, who fell in love with this beautiful princess always wished to be her lover, but being the poor peasant that he is, he didn't believe he could do so.

One day though, he found a mysterious lamp dug somewhere near the ground. He has heard a lot about the legends of genies and believed that rubbing it, might just be the answer to all his wishes. He then proceeded to rub the lamp, where he thought a genie would show up from, but instead though...a ge...

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