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Princess Jokes

Why did princess peach begin to choke?

Because Mario came down the wrong pipe

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week".
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cr...

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The once was a king with the most beautiful princess in the land…

To find her a prince the king set 3 challenge to find the best man in the land.

The first challenge was to fight his 2 strongest warriors to the death.

The second challenge was to pull a tooth from a gorilla with a toothache.

While the last challenge was to give a woman an orgas...

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

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What do you call a prince fucking a princess ?

Princest



Yeah i'll leave

What did Princess Leia say to Han Solo on their wedding night?

Into the garbage chute, flyboy!

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

The picky princess and Peasant John

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a kind but ageing king. This king had a single daughter, beautiful and clever, but incredibly picky regarding suitors.
At first, the king entertained many foreign princes and young nobles, seeking the hand of his daughter in marriage. However, the pr...

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Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

Why wasn't Princess Leia married before she met Han Solo?

She was looking for love in Alderaan places

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride

Unbelievable!

Which Disney princess would be the best judge?

Snow White, because she's the Fairest One of All.

Men develop a type based on their favorite Disney princess.

I had a friend who was really into Cindarella and exclusively dates blonde women. Another loved snow white and is married to a woman with obsidian black hair. I was really into The Little Mermaid and that's why I am not allowed into the Fish Market anymore.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this August!” I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them!

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Queen Elizabeth II may have made it to 96 before she died...

But Princess Diana made it to 120

Did you know that Chewbacca's brother Pannubacca died when Princess Leia's home planet was destroyed?

Pannub, as his friends called him, had never had much luck with the ladies and was horribly shy due to his terribly crooked teeth. After years of loneliness Pannub decided to do something about his problem and flew to Leia's planet, which everyone knows was well known for their excellent orthodontis...

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist?

OB-Wan Kenobi

What do you call a princess on weed?

Your Royal High-ness

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

Did you hear they're remaking The Princess Bride with an all-potato cast?

"Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry."

Last week I was on a date with a girl and it was going pretty well till she said "What I really want is a guy who will treat me like a Princess."

So I hired some Paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car crash.

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

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The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana?

Thomas made it through the tunnel

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The Princess of Potatoes has to marry

King Tater instructs his daughter to choose a noble potato to wed.

The princess says, "Father, I have chosen. I want to marry Rachel Maddow."

"I WON'T HAVE IT!" yells King Tater in a fury.

"But Father, I never knew you would be homophobic," said the princess.

"It's not ...

Why did Bowser trap the Princess in ice?

He was expressing his right to freeze Peach.

Which Disney Princess is always on dating apps?

Tinderella.

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

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What is Princess Leia's favorite sex act?

Giving Han Jobs

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

A princess walks into the forest to find her prince

as she's strolling around she encounters a speaking frog.
She asks the frog: 'Will you turn into a prince if I kiss you?'
The frog replies: 'Nah, that's my brother, you need to suck me off to make it work.'

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

A knight rides on a road. Suddenly, a frog comes to him.

\- I am under a spell, - the frog says. - Kiss me, and I'll become a beautiful princess, and will be your wife and love you forever.

The knight kisses the frog and - Bamf! - it indeed turns into a princess. And the princess is so beautiful, he embraces her, takes her clothes off, makes love t...

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

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The Princess Royal is being shown around a military hospital.

As she approaches one of the beds the soldier blushes red and tries to hide under the sheet, but HRH is having none of it, and she asks the RSM showing her round: "What is this man's ailment, sergeant-major?".

"Haemorrhoids, ma'am!" says the RSM crisply. HRH curves a well-mannered eyebrow whi...

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A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

The police found her head and shoulders in the glove box.

Did you know Princess Diana’s limo driver had a side job?

He was also a beaver trapper. He would sell his pelts at trade shows on his days off. Even when he wasn’t driving he liked to show fur.

The Princess and the Frog

One day a Princess was walking in her private garden when she spotted a large frog sitting by the side of the pond, staring at her intensely. Having heard all the magical fairy stories, she approached the frog and asked: "Oh magical frog! Is it true that you will turn into a handsome prince if I kis...

Princess Diana was so young and new that when she got married ...

... she was barely regal.

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There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick?

Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

New Zelda game, starring just the princess, that ties all the story lines together...

"The Missing Link"

Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess...

...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win?

Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver!


I'll be in hell if you need me.

An 80 year old man finds a talking frog

An 80 year old man is out by a pond one day when a frog jumps onto a lily pad nearby.

“Excuse me sir,” says the frog, “I know I may appear to be just a frog, but I’m actually a beautiful princess. A witch has placed a curse on me to keep me in this form. The only thing that can break this cu...

Mario is breaking up with Princess Peach

Peach: Is it me? Is it my fault?


Mario: No, it's-a not-a you, it's-a me, Mario!

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The enchanted princess

An old man is walking in a park and hears a voice by a pond.

"Sir, I am an enchanted princess. If you set me free, I promise, I’ll be your sex slave forever."

The old man looks around but can see nothing.

As he's walking away, he hears the voice again.

"Sir, please let m...

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Riding solo - Jason Derulo

What does Princess Peach and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed by an Italian

How are Marie Antoinette, Princess Peach, and GLaDOS alike?

They all lie about there being cake.

So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr.

She's all over the dashboard!

I always wanted a life like a Disney princess

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day

What did Yoda said to Princess Lea after separating with Han Solo

" May divorce be with you "

Can everyone just shut up about that new movie about the ice princess?

They can't seem to let it go

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

Once, long ago, there was an Indian princess.

She was called Princess Happybottom, but she was very unhappy. She wanted more than anything to just be a normal girl.
One day, a magician noticed her forlorn appearance, and asked how he could help. “I just want to be normal, with a normal name, and be treated like a normal person.”
“I would...

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A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

I married a real princess!

Her mother is a royal pain.

What would the next Frozen movie be called if the princess was black?

Afro-zen

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princ...

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends & family?

She got involved with Alderaan people.

Who do you guys think the hottest disney princess is?

for me, it has to be CINDERella

A young man, who fell in love with this beautiful princess always wished to be her lover, but being the poor peasant that he is, he didn't believe he could do so.

One day though, he found a mysterious lamp dug somewhere near the ground. He has heard a lot about the legends of genies and believed that rubbing it, might just be the answer to all his wishes. He then proceeded to rub the lamp, where he thought a genie would show up from, but instead though...a ge...

What kind of cheese thinks it’s a princess?

Mozzarella

What Is It Called When A Princess Matress Kills A Queen Matress?

Matricide.

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t Hang Solow

Princess likes to date a lot of men

So when he proposed she took him to a crocodile infested lake she threw the ring in the water and said "Take it out" , so he took it out. She got really happy and said " All the other morons jumped in the lake".

What does Kylie Jenner and a Disney princess have in common?

They're both made by the hands of others.

What would Princess Di being doing right now if she were alive?

Scratching at the roof of her casket.

What do you call a princess that does meth?

Disney on ice

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A long time ago in alternative universe far, far away, Grand Moff Tarkin is having sex with Princess Leia.

'Come!' she whispers breathlessly.

'Ejaculate?!' he cries. 'In my moment of triumph?'

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

Princess asked if anyone who could fulfill all three requirements, she would marry him otherwise a death penalty...

Requirements:
1. Must drink plenty of alcohol.
2. Must kill the hungry lion inside a cage and bring the eyes.
3. Must make the princess happy in bed.

After hearing the announcement, a poor drunk man thought he would be able to drink free alcohol and die peacefully. Without a fur...

My son wrote a short fairy tale about a prince who became a princess

He named it Once Upon a Wiener

(True story)

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Princess and the frog.

A frog decides to visit a fortune teller to find out if he'll ever find his princess. The fortune teller reads his palm and after a few brief moments of contemplation, begins her reading. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The frog, anxious for the possibilit...

Why was Mario interested in Princess Peach in the first place?

He heard she had a plum bum.

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

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