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Two Irishmen on Connor's Pass...

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'


The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.


'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.


The owne...

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....

so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.

The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub.

The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub. There
standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman,
drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the
water.
A passer-by stopped and asked him, "What are you doing?
“Fishing” , replied the...

if I were Sarah Connor

I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it

Connor Mcgregor should go back to plumbing

Afterall he is very good with taps.

If Sarah Connor needed pest control...

She can call an Ex-Terminator

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What do you call Connor McGregor's new weak ass whiskey being served to old men in Dublin?

Sucker punch

Connor Mcgregor’s beer just came available at my local bar...

I hear it’s on tap.

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

What type of windows were on the bus that Connor McGreggor threw the dolly at?

Short tempered glass

Sinead O'Connor has converted to Islam and stated that she "no longer wants to spend time with white people". What a great loss...

For the Islam community.

I don't think Connor McGregor enjoyed the fight last night.

He seemed like he was feeling a bit under the weather.

Why does Connor McGregor hate the spring time?

Because he hates MayWeather

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A wedding in Galway was rudely interrupted by the drunk uncle Patrick as he went up the stage and announced...

"The wedding is off. We're out of food. We're out of booze. And somebody fucked the bride."

The guests were in shock.

About 5 mins later, uncle Patrick got back on the stage and announced, "Sorry about that. The wedding is back on. Laura made us some sandwiches. Connor brought some wh...

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. When Heidi started to go into labor she called 911.

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. ...

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

Mr Connor took his daughter, Anna, to a Vietnamese church....

....in the hopes of getting her to stop her rebellious teenage shenanigans.
Anna obviously resistant, warned him beforehand that she'll go to the church, but she doesn't want to attend the church habitually.
Mr Connor agreed with Anna, hoping the one visit will be enough.
At the front of th...

A man is having his final moments in his bed.

A man is having his final moments in his bed. Beside him were his sons Brock, Kenneth, Connor, and Dominic. He was struggling to say his final words but he managed. "Boys it's time, but before I go I want you to do me a favor. I want you all to combine the first, second, and third letters of you fir...

My girlfriend said we should each pick a "hall pass", just in case we ever met that person.

I chose Kate Upton and she chose her roommate Connor.

What did Khabib Nurmagomedov say to Conor Mcgregor?

Are you Connor McFALL now

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub,

drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second ...

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment...

...when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?'
...

Why did the skeleton go to the club?

He heard it was a hip joint. [oc, Connor, never tell anyone my username]

A minister and a taxi driver . . .

A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this loudly dressed man, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or ...

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A man sails to visit a remote part on the coast of Ireland.

As he comes close to the harbor, he sees an enormous, absolutely gorgeous Barque, docked in its own reserved spot. He ogles it for a minute, before docking himself and running through his checklist of things to finish before he can leave his vessel.

He finishes, gets all his things, and goes...

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A tourist backpacking through rural Ireland enters a bar, and inside there's only a bar tender and an old man nursing a beer. They sit in silence until the old man looks over to the tourist and says, "You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands."

The old man continues, "I found the finest wood in the county, gave it more love than my own child, but do they call me O'Connor the bar-builder? No!"


He points out the window, "You see that stone wall out there? I built that stone wall with my bare hands; found every stone, placed them j...

A joke my Uncle told me that I never understood when I was a child.

Q: What does Sinead O'Connor do after she finishes brushing her hair?

A: She pulls her pants up

Nico is extremely optimistic and always sees the bright side of everything.

It drives his friends Connor and Tyler crazy, so one day they decide to tell him a story that he cannot find the positive in.

Nico meets Tyler at his house and Nico asks where Connor is. Tyler tells him "You didn't hear? He found his girlfriend with another guy last night and killed them both...

Logical conclusion... (longish)

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, ...

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A tired and weary man enters a pub one night.

It's not his usual pub, he's gone to a town far from his. He sits at the bar and slowly nurses a drink. The bartender sees his glum and inquires what his troubles are.

Sighing, he begins his tale. "I raise 5 kids from birth to adulthood and send them on their way to good, independent lives. ...

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