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A school bus full of Catholic girls get in a terrible accident

Nobody survives. All the girls find themselves standing in line at The Pearly Gates. At the front of the line is the angel Gabriel, next to him is a bowl of holy water.

He asks the first girl, "Lucy, have you ever touched a penis before?" Lucy responds, "Well... just once. Billy showed me hi...

Who are the two most impunctual actors in Hollywood?

Jenny S’late and Christian S’later

If someone made a sculpture in Minecraft of J-Lo.

Would you name it Jenny from the Block?

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A middle-aged guy decides it’s time to get fit so he heads down to his local gym.

When he gets there he sees a poster promising “6 month super motivational packages, available in Silver, Gold and Platinum”.

Intrigued the guy asks for more information.
The guy from the gym says “OK” and calls for someone to come out from the back office. A beautiful fit woman comes out a...

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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"Honey come here a minute!" called Jenny.

"What is it?" said Tim entering the bathroom.

"I thought you might like to know", whispered Jenny, "I'm completely shaven down there."

Tim raised an eyebrow

"You know what that means." Jenny said seductively.

"Oh, I know what that means." said Tim.

"The fucking dra...

A wife his her husband with a rolling pin

A wife hits her Husband with a rolling pin, the husband says “ouch! What was that for?”

The wife then tells him “I found a piece of paper with the name Jenny on it”

The husband then tells her that Jenny was the name of the horse he put a bet on last week.

The wife apologises to ...

Little Johnny is on recess playing on the playground when he see his dad drive into the woods next to the school.

Curious as to what his dad's doing, little Johnny decided to skip school to see what was going on.

When he gets to the woods he finds his dad there with his aunt Jenny. Well aunt Jenny is on her knees helping Johnny's dad relieve himself.

After school little Johnny runs home to tell ...

Jenny: wow, Mr. Daniels, you must be old enough to have known Moses!

Mr. Daniels: No, Jenny, I am not! It wasn't funny when Ben Franklin said it, and it's not funny when you say it!

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Jenny just got out of the shower, and was wearing just a towel, when the doorbell rang

She answered the door, and it was their neighbor, Ted. Ted says, "Oh my god Jenny, you look so sexy, in nothing but that towel."

She appreciates the compliment, but feels a bit uneasy, when Ted continues, "I'll tell you what - I'll give you $500 cash right now to drop that towel and show me ...

Little Jenny loved climbing trees

When her mother came to pick her up from school, Jenny was at it again climbing the tallest tree she could find, oblivious to the group of disgusting boys looking up her skirt! The mom quickly waved her to get into the car, then in a stern voice warned her about the boys who just wanted to look at h...

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned
that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the
entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares her...

Listen to the ground....

A cowboy is riding across the plains when he comes across a Pawnee indian lying down with his ear placed against the ground & mumbling something.

Knowing what great trackers the Pawnee are the cowboy gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground, but he can't figure out anything just ...

A wife asks her husband, "If I died, do you think you would remarry?" (joke from my 79 year old great aunt)

The husband replies, "Remarry? No way! I'd be too devestated by your death, I could never replace you."

The wife insists that her husband take a new wife, "If I go before you, I would hate for you to be alone. Please tell me you'd find a new wife."

The husband promises to honor his wi...

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John wanted to get married to the purest girl he could find. Taking his fathers advice

he proceeded to find a girl that wouldn't know what a penis was if it stood proudly before her. So he dated quite a few girls and when they got more acquainted he would pull down his pants and ask "Do you know what this is?", to which, of course, they would all reply "A penis". Until one day he met ...

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A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many.

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for on...

Bob takes Jenny to the fair for their blind date ...

Bob asks Jenny what she wants to do first. Jenny says excitedly, “I want to get weighed!” Bob says okay, and they go to the Guess Your Weight tent and Jenny wins a stuffed bear.

Bob asks what she wants to do next, Jenny says, hesitantly, “I ... I want to get weighed ...” Bob thinks this stran...

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

Everyone is freaking out about Tom Hanks having the Corona virus.

I'm just happy that we finally know what Jenny had.

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A blonde comes home from school munching on a candy bar...

Her mom asks her where she got it.

"I got it from Johnny! All I had to do was climb the flag pole at school!" she says.

"Oh, Jenny! You're such a dumb-ass. He was just trying to look up your skirt and see your panties!"

"Whoops!" Jenny says.

The next day she comes home,...

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Jenny gets her first period

Jenny gets her first period in the middle of class. Flustered and thinking her parents would be the best to tell her, the teacher sends her home.

While walking across a bridge crying, she comes across a boy who has skipped school.

Curious, he asks why she's crying.

"Oh, Johnny, ...

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Babe, a tiny penis isn't such a big deal.

I dont know Jenny...
I kinda wish you didn't have one at all.

A teacher addresses her students after they've come back from lunch

She lays out the agenda for the lesson:

"Alright everyone, I'm going to ask each of you what you did during lunch. I'll them ask you to write something on the board related to what you did - if you spell the word correctly, you'll get a biscuit."

The children all seem quite excited by ...

When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . .

You over wait.

Contagious

Little Jimmy was in school the next day and his teacher told the class they were going to focus on a new word for the day: "Contagious".

The teacher gave the class ten minutes to come up with a sentence containing the word of the day. When time was up, she asked them each to come up and read ...

I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"

"Jenny"

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A busload of catholic schoolgirls goes over a cliff. Everybody dies.

They're lined up at the pearly gates, and St. Peter is interviewing each girl in turn.

"Have you ever been impure with a boy, Caroline?"

"Yes, sir. I *looked at* a boy's privates once."

"Well, then. Go rinse your eyes in the Holy Fountain over there. Then come on in. Welcome to...

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Jenny, who is blonde, is driving down the road through the countryside. As she is traveling, on the right hand side of the road she sees another blonde woman attempting to row a wooden boat in the middle of a field

Frustrated by this sight, Jenny pulls her car over to the side of the road by the field and gets out. She goes to the edge of the road and starts yelling at the woman rowing the boat.

"You dumb bitch! It's because of blondes like you doing stupid crap like this that makes the rest of us loo...

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were...

My cousin has two tickets for the Super Bowl, 50 yard line seats.

He paid $5,000 each for them but he didn't realize last year when he bought them that it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Michael's Church, at 3 p.m. The bride's name is Jenny, she's 5'5", about 135 lbs.,...

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A teacher asks her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

First, she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says. "Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says. "That's not bad either, but ...

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Jenny Craig for Men

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a repr...

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I Dated a Twin Once

People always asked me how I was able to tell them apart. To me it was really simple. Jenny painted her nails Purple and Ryan had a Penis.

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A nun at a Catholic School was asking her 10 year old students what they wanted to be when they grew up.

"Susie, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Susie said "I want to be a doctor."

"Very nice," the nun said. "Jenny what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jenny said "I want to be a teacher."

"Excellent answer," the nun replied. "Martha what are you going to be wh...

A kid asks his Granddad for relationship advice...

"Grandpa, Jenny broke up with me today. I feel so bad, I don't know what I'm gonna do"

"Listen kid, you're gonna be alright. You're young and got plenty of time. Let me tell you about what qualities to look for in a woman to have a lasting relationship:

1) Find a woman who makes you la...

The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.

Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".

"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"

Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.

"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it too...

The blonde girl at school.

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny a...

One day a little girl was saying her prayers

She prayed "dear lord I pray for mommy and daddy but grandma's gonna die" Now her dad overheard this from the next room and thought it very odd but he went on with his business. Now the next day he got a call that the grandmother had infact died.

He was deeply troubled by this so the next ni...

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Little Johnny's class assignment

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the cust...

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The Billionaire Kid

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Stevie, always the first with his hand up and always the naughtiest says “I wanna be a billionaire Miss”

“I’ll be going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari, an apartment ...

Jenny

1) I woke up.
2) Went to school.
3) I saw her.
4) I ran to her and hugged her.
5) I kissed her.

actually, the right order is 2,3,4,5,1

Little Jenny isn't a very good student

She gives an especially poor performance at religion classes. One day, the teacher asks Little Jenny a question.

'So Jenny, could you tell me who created the world?'

Little Jenny is thinking hard, but she doesn't really now the answer. Suddenly, Little Johnny who's sitting behind her s...

A Man With One Wish

There was once a man named Benny. Benny was old, tired, and most of all sad. He had no friends, no family, and worked the worst job. The only thing he ever looked forward to was seeing his beautiful neighbor on his way home from work, Jenny.

One day after coming home from work he say a stran...

Jenny hated having periods.

Then she met James.
Now from last 3 months, she is not having periods anymore.
James is a magician.

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Two women are discussing their sex lives

Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."

Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."

"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."

Maths lesson

Jimmy comes home from school and his mum asks him what he's learned
today. "I learned that if I have three apples and Jenny gives me two more apples, I'll have five apples."

"That's right," says his mum. "So if you have four bananas and I give you three more, how many will you have?"
<...

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A math problem

We start with a box of 26 balls, each with a letter printed on it. The balls are arranged so that the top row has 13 balls, the second to top, 7, the third 3, fourth 2, and finally 5th 1. Jenny is tasked with determing the minimum depth in which she would have to collect in order to get a specific l...

Use Your Lifeline...

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) t...

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The Golden Toilet

Jim and Jenny just came back from an amazing party and had a really great time. The hosts were relatively wealthy people and had spent quite an amount for the celebration.

Jim has not even taken off his shoes when Jenny excitedly says, 'Jim, did you notice that the toilet was made of gold? G...

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"I just deleted all the German names off my phone."

***"It's Hans free"***

*Funniest joke at this years Fringe by Darren Walsh.*

**The rest of the top ten.**

2 -"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3 - "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4 - "...

Johnny: Will you marry me?

Johnny: Will you marry me?
Jenny: You have to ask my father first.
Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him.
Jenny: And what did he say?
Johnny: He said he’s already married.

You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take

-Jenny Mccarthy

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?


John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this f...

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.

"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.

There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."


"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

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Jenny was not the best student in Sunday School.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was having a nap:

"Tell me, Jenny, who created the universe?"

She didn't stir, so Mike, a boy in the chair behind her, quickly took a pencil

and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!"...

Johnny threw a pack of cards at Jenny

Jenny started crying but the teacher told her to deal with it

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

Why did the PI detective cross the road?

He needed to keep up with Jenny's U-turns.

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Indefinitely

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was cancel...

Husband & Wife Diary Entries

Wife's Diary

Bob has been acting so weird lately. Yesterday, we had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for supper. I’d been shopping with Jenny all day, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything about it.

Conversation over supper wasn't flowin...

After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh...

After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh.
A few weeks later, while making a dental appointment, she recognized the name as that of a good looking boy from high school, 20 years ago. But when Jenny walked into the dentist's clinic, she realized it must be some...

Driving on the highway

Ed was driving on the highway when a cop pulled him over and informed him that he'd won a $1000 safe driving award.

"So what are you going to spend the money on?" asked the cop

"I guess I'll use it to get that drivers' license." smiled Ed.

"Take no notice, officer," said Jenny i...

Pete and Jenny were long time patients at the mental institution...

...and they had formed a relationship.
They were walking past the pond, Pete fell in and sank, Jenny, with no thought for her own safety, dived to the bottom of the pool and rescued him, she also gave him the kiss of life.
A few days later Jenny was summomed before the board of the hospital an...

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Dirty Johnny

Old ass joke here..

Dirty johnny is sitting in class. Ms. Smith says "Ok Kids, it time to play the word game, I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet, and you tell me a word that starts with that letter. The first letter is A."

Dirty Johnny's hand jumps in the air. "ME! M...

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