Did you hear what happened to Ellen DeGeneres?

They found her face down in Ricki lake

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

Jet Fuel can't melt Ellen Pao

[User was banned for this post]

What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao

[This Post was Removed]

A joke most likely to get me banned by Ellen Pao

So, a man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

The flattered woman replies, "You really think so?"

The guy says, "Oh of course! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Ellen Pao is actually right and we should respect her decisions

^jk ^lol

Why did Ellen Pao cross the road?

[deleted]

I'm not saying Ellen Pao is Hitler but..

I haven't seen the two of them in the same room..

Ellen should give away more stuff

Then rename her show Ellen the Generous.

How is Ellen Pao so good at driving Reddit into the ground?

I thought Asian women couldn't drive ಠ_ಠ

What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has control over his country.

How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The mods do that for her.

Ellen Pao walks into [this content violates our ban on anti-reddit propoganda policy and his thus been banned ]

*Admin Note:*

*The next user to make a joke about our glorious leader Ellen Pao shall be banned along with the offending subreddit.*

*Signed:*

*Grand Vizier Hippo Hamburger*

What's the difference between Reddit CEO Ellen Pao, and Yoko Ono?

.....about 40 years.

Difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong-un.

One is tyrannical and ruthless dictator, who destroys each and every opposition and other is supreme leader of North Korea.

Why doesn't Ellen have a cooking segment?

She's always eating out

I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face...

... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it.

I just met a girl named ellen

she's the complete inverse of my e^(x)

Why would Ellen Pao not do her own AMA?

General Pao's chicken.

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? Fixed*

[deleted]

Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis?

Its the only place she can get love.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Petition to replace Ellen Pao with Victoria Taylor.

No joke.

Its a popular coup necessary to save Reddit from its current state of gross mismanagement.

(Also, did Jessie Jackson and the grotesque scaredy cat race baiting and fake Nazi-progressive politics of this Age get Victoria fired?)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ellen

In a poll for the audience, Ellen asks for a show of hands how often they have sex with their partners.

She asks, "Two or three times a week?" Some hands go up

Then, "Once a week?" Some other hands go up.

To be facetious, "Once a year?"

A gentlemen in the back shoots up ...

Some celebrity’s have their own theme songs

Like Ellen with I’m coming out, or Bill Cosby with I wanna be sedated

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Women are like pasta

They are straight until you get them wet.
- Ellen Degeneres

Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate?

Grinder

(Thanks, Ellen)

You guys wanna hear a joke?

Ellen Pao

So reddit announced today transparency is important to them.

Unless its about Ellen Pao. the end.

What does apathy sound like?

I'm Ellen Pao, AMA

why was the computer late to work?

because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

How does an overweight girl feel better about her own appearance?

Googles "Pictures of Ellen Pao"