Officer: The Victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers.

Detective: Dear God

Officer: Most likely yes

My great great grandparents sacrificed a lot for our family. So as an Alabamian, family values are important to me...

I have to honor my incestors.

To the many that have been ritually sacrificed by Aztec kings...

My heart goes out to you.

Jesus sacrificed his life for your sins…

Except he came back…

So, what did he really sacrifice?

His weekend?

Jesus sacrificed his weekend for your sins…

I sacrificed everything to pursue my dream of being an archeologist...

And now my life is in ruins.

Growing up my mom sacrificed at lot for me..

It was mostly goats and sheep....

What do you call a crocodile that will only eat sacrificed lambs?

A Halalligator.

God sacrificed his son for his love of humans

And we all seem to be cool with it. But when **I** try to sacrifice my son for my love of humans, I get arrested and imprisoned.

I'm starting to see some discrimination going on here...

A rabbi, a Hindu priest, and a politician went on a hike

Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen.

They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.”

The H...

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

4 blondes were hiking in a forest.

4 blondes were hiking in a forest when they were caught by the forest tribe.

All of them were brought before the chief. The chief looked at them and said “All of you will be sacrificed to appease our goddess who will then bless us with rain.”

The 4 blondes started crying loudly and ple...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of a human body are having a meeting

The brain begins his announcement: “As you know, our body has been experiencing nutrient shortages over the past few years. We can’t keep it up like that. I am afraid we will have to terminate one of...”

The dick stands up and interrupts him: “Hey, I know! I know what to do! Let’s get rid of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in a plane that crashes in the Amazon...

They are swiftly captured by a tribe of cannibals. The leader of their tribe tells them that outsiders from the sky are to be sacrificed for the good of the people. They will be cooked alive, the village will feast on their flesh, they will make weapons from their bones, and use their skin for canoe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four football hooligans are stranded on a deserted island

After several weeks of surviving on nothing but river water and berries, they decide that one of them must be sacrificed to feed the other three.

“Let’s decide based on the team we support - and *I* support Chelsea” the Chelsea fan proclaims proudly.

The other three look at each other,...

The Lone Ranger

THE LONE RANGER WAS AMBUSHED AND CAPTURED  ... !!!

The  Lone  Ranger  was ambushed and captured by a  hostile Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaimed, 

 "So, YOU  are the great Lone Ranger...

In honour of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days."
<...

A young man follows in his father's footsteps... (Long)

The father chopped wood


The son chopped wood


The father built the family home


The son helped expand it


The father did many manual labor jobs to feed the family


The son sacrificed schooling to help at these jobs


The father and son did ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the end, Hitler wasn't so bad.

He sacrificed his life to kill Hitler.

10 blondes and a brunette were hanging on a rope on the side of a cliff

However the rope cannot carry all 11, so one person has to be sacrificed. The brunette volunteers to sacrifice herself and proceeds to make a long touching speech. After she finishes, all the blondes clap and let go of the rope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Canoe

Three explorers - a preacher, a poet and a banjo player - are lost in the jungle and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The cannibals tell the three they will be sacrificed to provide skins for the tribal canoes - and because this is such an important and sacred ritual, each of them can make...

A beggar in Afghanistan

An Afghan man walks across a busy street when an old lady says ''Please my son, give me $1 in charity.''

''I don't have any.''

''If you don't have that just give a tiny little bit. Praise God, look at your youth, your tie, your strength and beauty. May I be sacrificed for you, just gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An aspiring oil tycoon's oil rig catches fire...

A company immediately shows up to the scene and offers to extinguish the fire and repair his oil rig for $100,000,000. The oil tycoon says, "Hell, at $100,000,000 I'll let the damn thing burn itself out and retire on what I've already made". The next day another company shows up at his door offering...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.