Female compassion.

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn that
the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, ...

On the parade ground of an army camp full of national service recruits.

The Sergeant is not known for his diplomacy and constantly screams at the recruits. At the end of one parade, just before giving the order to fall out he shouts out “Private Brown, your mother has died. Fall out!” Private Brown simply collapses in shock.

The Captain hears this and shakes his ...

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One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.

And of course its covered with boobs.

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

Jesus walks into a restaurant

And the owner is relieved to see him, because he’s having a dispute with his chef and Jesus, being known in the area among other things as a mediator, is perfect to help him resolve it. “Here’s the situation Jesus: we use cooked down beef fat to fry our fish with, and we just got a load of codfish f...

So i have been married to a somewhat prickly woman when she's either hungry, or tired. However, i love her for who she is, and i have been able to persevere through all of it.

One day, she asked me how i calm my mind and face her with dignity, compassion and love as a husband.

I answered, "i always clean the toilet when i am emotionally disturbed."

"But how is cleaning the toilet calms your mind?" She asked.

"I use your toothbrush. "

What do you call a fruit that’s very sympathetic?

A compassion fruit

Compassion

Sooo, my cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me ...

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth...

The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. Your son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and
compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar an...

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I hav...

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A compassionate man

A young, handsome man was in the middle of his daily jogging routine on the beach. He sees a lone women with no arms or legs and she looks miserable. He stops and asks her if she is alright and she responds "I'm just so lonely. I've never received a hug in my life and I just want to feel normal." Th...

An elderly German man visits his priest for confession...

An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess.

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish refugee in my attic.

Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassi...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely..

..so God asked Adam, “What is bothering you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She...

R.I.P Bob

Bob was a bus conductor-cum-driver. He had been going through rough times, with his wife leaving him for his best friend. One day on the job, he saw a young woman, probably in her early 20's signalling for the bus. Bob couldn't hold his rage in anymore and vented his frustration on the pedal, killin...

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus were from a small village in Ireland. Every Sunday they used to go to the local pub, sit at the bar and order a pint of Guinness each. This tradition went on every Sunday for years until Seamus emigrated to England. Before he left the 3 made a pact that, wherever they were in...

Adam felt sad and lonely in the Garden of Eden

"What is wrong, my child?" asked God.

"Lord, I am lonely," relplied Adam, "I wish I had a companion."

"Well, I've got just the one for you," said God. "She's perfect! She is lithe and youthful, and shall always remain so. She utters beauty when she speaks, and she listens with attentio...

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

A man excitedly goes to a Catholic convention upon hearing that the Pope is in town and will be there.

In addition to being a devout Christian, he's always been a huge fan of the Pope and dreamed of meeting him and couldn't pass up the opportunity.

He spent days and hours prior trying to find his best outfit and suit, trying many different getups trying to find the most appropriate and respect...

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon an ancient village.

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ...

Two soldiers are held captive by the Taliban

They are told that they are going to be executed the next day. "We are not without compassion" says one of the captors. "We will allow you each one last wish." The first soldier says he has always been the biggest fan of Bryan Adams, and he would like to hear the song 'Everything I do I do it for yo...

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Three religious leaders are golfing.

After the fourth hole, they are told that they need to wait to continue in order to accommodate a group of blind golfers. [One religious leader] opines, "To see people overcoming their disabilities to do something they love truly demonstrates the compassion of [diety]." "It's wonderful to see that t...

He did nut see that coming

A bus driver is on his daily routine, when an elderly woman gets on the bus and sits right behind him. After a minute she hands him a peanut.

"Thank you ma'am" says the bus driver.

A few seconds later she hands him another peanut.

"I appreciate your kindness ma'am, thank you" sa...

A farmer and his wife

A farmer and his wife are traveling in their one-horse wagon down the road.

The horse falters and causes the wagon to jolt. The farmer says, "That's one."

The horse falters again and the farmer says, "That's two."

The horse falters a third time and the farmer stops the wagon, ge...

The Good Natured Hunter

Two old fellows are out hunting. The one with the gun sees a buck, broadside, and glistening in the sunlight. Just as he is about to take the shot they see a funeral procession going along a road in the distance. The fellow lowers his gun and tips his hat at the procession - and the deer runs off in...

A priest dies...

And goes to heaven. There's a small queue to get in, and when he gets to be second in line, he overhears St. Peter asking some basic questions to the man in front of him, like what's your name/ occupation, and where are you from? They guy in front of the priest is wearing tight fitting, torn black c...

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hangs his head in disappointment and shame, knowing he's contracted an STD,

A old man who's been in a nursing home for many years starts bugging the administrator to let him have a weekend pass, to 'sow his last wild oats', he says, before he finally passes on. Every week he asks the same question and every week he's turned down.
Months later there's a change of staff, w...

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