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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you w...

My girlfriend was asked to step aside and frisked at the airport for resembling a Friends character.

I think she was a victim of Rachel profiling.

So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse...

If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,"I need you to come over and help me with this jigsaw puzzle..."

Her boyfriend asks,"What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says"According to the picture on the box it's supposed to be a rooster."So her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. When she lets him in she takes him to the table where she has all the pieces sprea...

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

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New discovery.

Scientists have recently discovered a new potato variety resembling a human penis.
They are calling it dictator!

A piece of string breaks out of prison.

Just one mile out from crossing state lines, the piece of string sees a checkpoint up ahead.

Frantic and worried that he will be recognized, the bit of string hatches an idea for a disguise.

He starts by rolling around on the ground, to the point he becomes dirty and tattered.
Ne...

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Two Sandwiches in a Deli

One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"


The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conv...

There once was a cult obsessed with male genitalia

There once was a cult that was obsessed with male genitalia.
This cult would accept anybody with a phallus, or even something resembling it in the appropriate place.
You could say that they never turned away any potential members.

Tiny Concerto

So, a guy walks into a bar. It's early in the afternoon, and he's the only customer, so he sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings it, sets it down, and says, "That'll be 20 dollars." The man looks at him, wide-eyed, and says "Twenty dollars? For one freaking beer?" "Oh no", say...

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Hot buttered corn

Three guys have been walking thru the desert for 2 days. They are dehydrated, they are hungry, and they are tired.
One man believes he sees a house in the distance. They all accuse him of seeing a mirage until they all get a little closer and realize there is a house all alone in the middle of t...

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG)

This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher forc...

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Walk into the men's room and...

A husband is walking through the mall with his wife when he suddenly realizes that he really has to pee. The couple walk down to the other end of the mall to the restrooms and the husband enters. When he walks in he notices only 2 urinals, and standing in front of one is a man with no arms. He appro...

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